June 1 kicks off the Sundance Channel’s annual month-long celebration of gay cinema, and every day and evening Sundance will showcase gay features, documentaries and shorts. Amongst this year’s copious litter is the U.S. TV premier of the film Trembling Before G-d, last year’s groundbreaking and deeply insightful documentary about the struggles of Orthodox and Hasidic Jewish gays. The Gay and Lesbian Times recently spoke with filmmaker Sandi Simcha DuBowski about his movie, which received the GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Documentary, and won Best Documentary Feature at the Berlin Film Festival.

Trembling was initially conceived as a video diary in which filmmaker Sandi Simcha DuBowski would examine what it means to be gay in a religion whose holy texts explicitly forbid it (“A man who lies with a man as one lies with a woman … shall be put to death…. For women to rub against each other in the position of sexual intercourse is forbidden….”). But after he met and spoke with numerous Orthodox and Hasidic gays and lesbians, DuBowski decided a more substantial vehicle was called for.

“It became clear these people were in deep levels of pain,” DuBowski said, “and my video diary exploration didn’t have the weight this film needed to open up the issue in a really serious, sensitive way. I’m glad I didn’t make the film I set out to make.”

Trembling’s geographically diverse subjects include Mark, an HIV-positive, British Hasidic who was kicked out of numerous yeshivas (schools) for being gay and now ponders which is more important — Judaism or gayness. Los Angeles resident David tried numerous Rabbi-prescribed “cures” for his gayness, like eating figs and snapping rubber bands against his wrist, but in their failure has grown more determined to reconcile sexuality and Orthodoxy. Another conversion therapy failure, Brooklyn’s 50-something Israel, has had a lover for 25 years, but another man is missing from his life — his father, who hasn’t spoken to him in 20 years. Michelle, daughter of a renowned Cantor, was also disowned by her family for being queer, yet seeks to follow in her father’s footsteps by singing. And devoted New York lesbian couple Malka and Leah, whose faces are partially obscured, suffer heartbreaking, torturous familial treatment simply because of their forbidden love.

Raised within Conservative Judaism — which holds tradition dear yet maintains a liberal outlook, although not so much as Reformed Judaism, which officially allows gay/lesbian Rabbis — DuBowski feels that Trembling’s first seeds were planted while he was a child. “If you ask my parents why I started this,” muses the New York-based Harvard graduate, “[they’d say that] they brought me to a Matzo factory in Crown Heights when I was three and I didn’t want to leave. I put my head on the banister and I was just mesmerized. Or maybe it stemmed from being in Yeshiva preschool, doing a little Chanukah play, drinking grape juice out of Dixie cups, doing a blessing over it. I went to Yeshiva kindergarten and preschool and actually my teacher came to the New York premiere, glowing with pride.” In making his film, with the help of grants from over two-dozen foundations, DuBowski globe-trotted for six years, cataloging over 450 hours of footage. And as he dug deeper within the worlds of Orthodox and Hasidic Judaism, he began more strictly observing their rituals, such as not shooting on Saturdays (the Sabbath) and holidays. Subjects were located through tremendous, time-exhaustive efforts via word of mouth, e-mail, networking at centers and organizational meetings, and advertisements. And once contacted potential subjects sometimes weren’t easy to convince, or, even after agreeing to take part, keep involved, as they feared wrath from family, community, and in some cases, their spouses. For instance, David, the only subject who was born Orthodox and remained so since, bailed out and returned five times over, fearing he would “shame” his family by outing himself publicly. Others retracted permanently in order to burrow deeper into the closet.

“I had a Hasidic guy in the film, interviewed in silhouette with his voice changed, pull out,” DuBowski admits. “And now he’s like ‘Simcha, because you’re using this e-mail address associated with the film and the film is against Torah, I’m hereby blocking this e-mail address from my account. But if you’d like to e-mail me from another address, I’d be happy to communicate with you.’”

Although DuBowski is certainly sympathetic to these people’s situations and devotion to Torah’s law, he admits such behavior made him upset — especially when an innocent was dragged into it. “I get very upset,” he acknowledges with weary eyes. “I had one guy I was trying to help and he went off and got married and didn’t tell his wife [he was gay]. Then I got a call six months later — ‘I’m getting divorced.’ Now he’s trying to get married again! I said ‘look, I think it’s really unfair to go marry someone and not tell her you’re gay.’ This is a very big bone I have to pick. People have to realize they’re damaging other people.”

DuBowski admits that moments of anguish and anger were commonplace whilst making his film, and not just due to how his subjects behaved. Sometimes, it was about their family members.

“There was a point at which Michelle, who in the film is very large, 250 pounds, decided to get her stomach stapled,” he recalls. “So at Mount Sinai [Hospital], there were a number of [members of the lesbian Orthodox group] Orthodykes and I being there for her. And her family wasn’t. They didn’t show up … they didn’t call … and they didn’t care. And when someone comes out of surgery and they’re still under anesthesia and look between life and death, their life is so fragile, it could pass at that moment, [and she had many complications and infections]. I got so angry with her family, so upset. Sabbath was coming, and I went into the chapel, I was all alone, and I just started screaming. And crying and praying and singing. I prayed Sabbath like I’ve never prayed before. How could parents abandon their children like this? We’re commanded to honor our parents — but what about honoring one’s children, being there for one’s children? That’s what breaks my heart. The abandonment.”

Of course, change comes about fastest when good word arrives from the top. So, hoping to find enlightenment, sage advice, or at least stimulate a new and promising dialogue, DuBowski sought audience with esteemed Orthodox and Hasidic Rabbis, whose fame overshadows any Hollywood celebrity or political leader’s within their worlds. Unsurprisingly, experiences were mixed, with one visit to a particular Israeli Rabbi resulting in a boil of anger and frustration for the filmmaker.

“I must have gotten up at five in the morning,” Dubowski recalls. “I went and signed my name to a register, and all these people were waiting and waiting. You snake up the stairs and by the time you get to his chambers he’s sitting there, with a kind of crown on his head, and you’re standing right in front with two assistants on the side of him and all these people listening to you in the doorway. I waited for seven hours, and finally I said ‘I want to talk to you about a whole group of people in great deep pain and suffering, Jews struggling with toevah, the desire, the urge of homosexuality. Many are being kicked out of yeshivas and families — what can you say to help them?’ And he says ‘tell these people two words: ‘abomination’ and ‘animalistic.’ Then I was pushed aside.

“I went right back to him again,” DuBowski continued, “and said ‘that’s not good enough. These are Orthodox, Torah Jews, they know the Torah, they know the prohibitions against homosexuality. What can you say to HELP these people?’ And he said, ‘Say the first ten chapters of the psalms. It would be like a remedy.’ And I was pushed aside and went out of there fuming.” Fortunately, there were heartening experiences with elders and authorities as well, particularly Rabbi Steven Greenberg, the first openly gay Orthodox Rabbi. And DuBowski is quick to point out — with a wide grin — that he returned the good vibes by hooking Greenberg up with his boyfriend. “I brought a boy to Rabbi Steve’s house,” he nods. “They’ve been together now for two and a half years and counting. I’m a filmmaker-slash-matchmaker.”

Trembling Before G-d premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in January, 2001, where it also began its mission of “moving through the world with meaning.” DuBowski, Greenberg and others have staged multitudinous post-screening discussions and Sabbath (or “Shabbat”) dinners held at festivals, synagogues, community centers, and even churches across the globe.

Of course, the film has achieved meaning within its own subjects’ lives as well while unfurling across the globe. Israel got invited to his first family function in 30 years and has become close with a nephew who wholly accepts his gayness and relationship. Malka and Leah garnered up the strength to cut ties with Malka’s family until they recognize and respect her relationship. And DuBowski himself has rekindled a relationship with Judaism.

“I’ve been able to unite my Judaism, my film world, and my friends,” he grinned. “It’s unified a lot of my life.”

Trembling Before G-d premieres June 7 on the Sundance Channel at 1:00 p.m. The film will also air June 11 at 11:00 a.m. and 7:30 p.m., June 23 at 12:00 p.m. and 10:15 p.m., and June 29 at 1:30 p.m. and 9:00 p.m.