“TS.” “TG.” “Trans-man.” “Trans-woman.” This old dyke sometimes finds herself clueless when discussing gender definitions. When my wife, a friend or, worse, my brother-in-law, asks me a question about trans people, I’m usually just as clueless as they are.

Brother-in-law: “Hey, does transgender mean they have had the surgery or not?”

Grumpy Old Dyke: “Uh, I don’t know.”

BIL: “Well, then does trans-man mean they were a woman and became a man, or are they a man in the process of becoming a woman?”

GOD: “I’m not sure.”

BIL: “Well, then what is the difference between transgender and transsexual?”

GOD: “Umm…”

BIL: “You are gay aren’t you? How is it that you don’t know this stuff?”

Exactly. How is it that I don’t know this stuff?

In the interest of educating myself (and my brother-in-law), I throw myself on the mercy of the trans community and hope they can show forbearance and kindness and please, please, please answer some of the following questions.

First, transsexual and transgender throw me. Is a surgical procedure required to be considered either one of these, or is it recognizing that you are in the wrong biological body?

When a dyke is passing as a guy to get a job or just for fun, is that considered transgender or do you have to be passing 24/7 to be considered transgender?

Second, do transsexuals consider themselves something other than straight or gay, like some kind of androgynous middle, or do they see themselves as just a garden-variety hetero man or woman?

Third, does sexual orientation override gender identification? In the past (like in the ’70s), most trans people you heard about identified as straight – just in the wrong body. Once they changed over, they remained straight. But now I hear about people going through the transition who were gay before they switched and then remained gay after. You see it on medical shows on the Discovery Channel all the time: A gay guy becomes a girl and then becomes a lesbian. And it goes the other way as well. Like Pat Califia, a lesbian author who decided to transition to male. But then, after her transition, she resumed a past relationship with a previous girlfriend, who had also transitioned to male. Califia defined their relationship as daddy/boy.

So what I want to know is what happened to that desire for women that had defined Pat until he became Patrick? How does that shut off? Do we have a “gay gene” or something that causes us to be gay even if we switch genders? If I became a guy, would I stop chasing skirts?

Which leads me to the last question I get asked: Why do trans people continue to associate with the gay, lesbian and bisexual community after their transition?

Is it because the gay and lesbian community is all they’ve known? Maybe because we’re more accepting? Or does it go back to sexual orientation trumping gender identification?

Do the transsexuals who march in the Pride parade still identify as homosexual (in contrast to transsexuals who identify as heterosexual)?

I know these questions are incredibly personal, maybe even uncomfortable to talk about. And I’ve probably asked them in all the wrong ways, like when my brother-in-law asks me, “In your relationship, are you the guy or the girl?”

He’s an idiot, but he means well – and so do I.

I’d love to hear what anybody has to say about any of these questions. Feel free to write to me at editor@uptownpub.com.

If you are interested in learning more about Patrick Califia, check out www.patcalifia.com or his online entry in Wikipedia.com and explore the links.