TRENTON, N.J (AP) – With New Jersey on the verge of civil unions for same-sex couples, Rick Connolly called his insurance company to see if he could add his partner of 23 years to his homeowner’s policy.

His partner could be added, Connolly was told, but not the same way as a spouse. The difference: If Connolly died, his partner would not be able to keep the policy.

The response is example of the confusion and frustration that might be in store for any same-sex couples who expect civil unions in New Jersey will give them the same rights as married couples.

“This is the first time in my life I’ve felt like going to a politician and saying, ‘What’s going on here?”’ said Connolly, 63, of East Hanover, a former Army officer who is now retired from a career in the telephone industry.

The state Legislature, under pressure from New Jersey’s highest court to offer marriage or its equivalent to same-sex couples, approved the civil unions bill on Dec. 14. Gov. Jon S. Corzine has said he anticipates signing it, but has not said when.

For same-sex couples, civil unions represent an upgrade from the domestic partnerships that the state has offered since 2004. Instead of getting a handful of benefits, the couples would be entitled to all the rights, privileges and responsibilities of marriage that the state can confer.

Many of those rights come into play only in emergencies or major life changes. Among them are adoption rights, inheritance rights, hospital visitation, medical decision-making rights, alimony rights and the right not to testify against a partner in court.

But there are areas where the state does not have control.

Same-sex couples in New Jersey will not be married, or entitled to the same benefits, in the eyes of the federal government because of 1996 federal law that defines marriage as being between a man and a woman.

Stephen Hyland, a Princeton lawyer who published a legal guide to New Jersey’s domestic partnership, said federal taxes would be complicated for same-sex couples in New Jersey.

They won’t be able to file their federal returns jointly. But to file jointly on their state tax forms, they will still need to fill out the joint federal forms and send them to New Jersey, Hyland said.

Also, the civil unions bill requires companies that offer health insurance to spouses of their employees to also offer it to civil union partners of workers. But for the civil union partner, unlike a spouse, those benefits would have to be reported as income to the IRS and would be subject to taxes, Hyland said.

Surviving partners won’t be able to collect deceased partners’ Social Security benefits and may not be able to collect their pensions, which fall under federal regulation, said Felice T. Londa, an Elizabeth-based family lawyer who represents many same-sex couples.

There’s another major tax issue regarding breakups of the relationships. Under federal law, alimony is not taxed.

But support paid from one partner to another when civil unions are dissolved would likely be subject to federal gift taxes, said Daniel Serviss, a Woodbridge-based matrimonial lawyer.

Additionally, the couples in civil unions won’t necessarily have those unions recognized when they travel in states outside of New Jersey.

David S. Buckel, a Lambda Legal lawyer, said he’s heard of couples planning vacations that would take them only to Massachusetts, which lets same-sex couples marry, and California, Connecticut and Vermont, which have laws similar to the one headed for passage in New Jersey.

Even if same-sex couples in New Jersey could marry, the rights they have in the Garden State might not be recognized under the laws of the federal government or other states, experts say.

But Londa said marriage would put them in better position to sue for those rights. “If it were a marriage,” she said. “It gives you standing to challenge. That’s the issue. If you call us anything else, you can’t challenge federal laws that deny us equal rights.”

Gay rights advocates expect more stories like Connolly’s, too.

Connolly said he and his partner have been careful to protect each other. They registered as domestic partners on July 10, 2004, the first day New Jersey couples could do so legally. They have power-of-attorney agreements that give each other the rights to each other’s property and to make medical decisions for one another – a step most married couples would not need to take.

Connolly said making sure insurance is in order is another precaution he’s taking to protect his partner.

A spokesperson for his insurance company, USAA, a San Antonio-based firm that covers current and former military members and their families, said the company is aware of the civil union legislation in New Jersey.

“We follow legislation in all the different states. We’re complying with it 100 percent,” said spokesperson David Snowden.

He also said that in a case like Connolly’s, a non-married partner in a domestic partnership or civil union could be added to the policy, but could not keep it if the first partner died.

Lawyers say the company’s position would probably break New Jersey law because it would treat civil union couples and married couples differently.

It’s largely up to New Jersey officials to educate companies who do business in the state about civil unions and what they mean – and to enforce the rights, according to insurance industry officials.

That makes Connolly nervous.

“Will state regulators tell companies to get out of New Jersey if they don’t grant rights in New Jersey?” he asked.