As we prepare to celebrate Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day next week, I have been thinking a lot about leadership and what it means for our community.

His leadership meant so much to so many and continues to inspire people to this day. He is such a symbol of community leadership that he’s part of one of the questions that persist in our LGBT community: “Where is our Martin Luther King?”

It’s a frustrating question to me, because it ignores the reality of history. Martin Luther King Jr. himself would likely say he didn’t accomplish all he did on his own. He, like us, stood on the shoulders of those who came before him. He, like us, was part of a movement of leaders – men and women of diverse ages and backgrounds – who cared about a set of issues and got involved, worked hard and tried to make a difference.

The concept of leadership can sometimes feel like a lofty notion – that it’s simply a special gift bestowed upon those who already have a full set of other special skills. Or that it’s only for those who want to – or are willing to – have their work and lives subject to the scrutiny of the spotlight.

The individuals who I believe to be true leaders are simply those who cared passionately about an issue or community and had the courage to work hard and try to make a difference. While the leaders I admire have shown tremendous vision, they are also not afraid to get their hands dirty to make that vision a reality.

As I’ve thought about those individuals, it has become clear to me that they each have one thing in common. Simply put, they try. They come from different family, racial, religious and socioeconomic backgrounds, have varying levels of experience and education, and they are of various ages and orientations. But as I’ve talked about what makes each of them leaders, nearly every sentence started with “They try…”

Leadership isn’t sitting alone making decisions that impact others or simply giving big speeches. I believe true leadership always involves actions taken in concert with others. It’s about collaboration – even when willing collaborators are hard to find. And leadership is sticking it out once they have been found, and the process is difficult, slow or painful. It sounds easy enough, but true leadership and collaboration is hard work. It’s time-intensive and requires those engaged to stretch the limits of their patience and to check their own narrow views of what “must” happen at the door.

Leadership isn’t just talking – more often it is about listening, really listening. It’s about taking what you’ve heard, asking thoughtful questions and working with others to figure out how to find a solution and take action to make it happen.

Leadership is about knowing when to speak up and when to be silent. It’s giving what you have – time, money, talent – and getting involved without waiting to be asked. It’s not just waiting to see what’s on the agenda or what the plan is; it’s helping build the agenda and create the plan.

Leadership is action. Actions, both big and small, make leaders. I see leadership in motion when I see community members gathering to learn how to best use this moment in time to help repeal the military’s misguided “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. Leadership is clearly present when LGBT-headed families come together to fight attempts to deny us the legal rights and responsibilities of marriage. It is the result of the best of collaborative leadership when dozens of community organizations gather together to offer a volunteer fair in order to provide an easy place for potential volunteers to get engaged. Active leadership is involved in simple acts, like forming a team for AIDS Walk or serving on volunteer committees and boards.

While we may show up for these opportunities individually, none of this work is done alone. These are collective actions in which the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. As former U.S. President Lyndon Johnson said, “There are no problems we cannot solve together and very few that we can solve by ourselves.”

The truth is, we need to work together to continue to develop leadership skills throughout our community. We must engage those young and older in a diverse range of areas. Those who are in leadership positions have a responsibility to help develop new leaders – we must make it easier for people to get involved and stay involved. I’ve said it before: We not only have to make more room at the virtual table, we must make that table easier to get to. The Center will be working hard to continue to create these opportunities, and you’ll be hearing more about these efforts in the coming months. It’s a new year, and an opportune moment for some new thoughts on leadership.

It’s time to stop asking where our leaders are. It’s time to get willing to become one.