Since it was released two years ago, Brokeback Mountain has moved mountains. Although it was filmed in Canada, it has generated millions for Wyoming’s tourist industry. It has challenged people’s stereotypes about gay men. And most importantly, it has sparked conversations between gay and straight people about what it means to be gay, and undoubtedly helped many GLBT people with the coming out process.

So it was with a great sense of purpose this summer that I placed Brokeback in my travel bag. I was flying to Colorado to see my parents and my sister’s family. Although I’d come out to them five years earlier, they seldom asked about my love life (or lack thereof). So I hoped that this timeless and accessible love story would give my family a better appreciation of how two men love.

To my surprise, my sister rented Brokeback before I arrived with the intention of all of us watching it. Was this her way of telling me she was becoming more comfortable with me? Or maybe she thought I only liked gay movies? Either way, I was happy to not be the only one planning to force the movie on my parents.

As I popped the DVD into the player and gushed to my family about how much they’d like it, I remembered the film’s sex scene in the tent. Instantly my stomach knotted up into a ball, just as it did years earlier when I’d planned on telling my parents that I was gay. Suddenly, watching a gay movie with my family made me feel as if I was coming out all over again.

I sweated through all one hundred sheep-herding scenes, trying to relax by reclining and hugging a sofa pillow. Although my mother had never seen Brokeback before, she must have suspected that Jack and Ennis were going to get it on, because during each of the movie’s after-dark scenes, she got up to check the laundry. I wasn’t sure if I was offended or relieved.

When the tent scene finally came, I tried my best to look nonchalant while my dad and sister witnessed what was surely their first gay romp. I was sure they could hear me hyperventilating.

However, Jack and Ennis finished their business in just 10 seconds, and barely shed their clothes. I realized that my anxiety with the sex scene wasn’t so much about what happened in it, but about what didn’t. It was just a quick poke and some animalistic grunts. There were no words of love, not even the cliché “oh baby” or an after-sex smoke! The scene didn’t represent gay sex as loving sex, and I hated that I couldn’t explain that to my family at that moment.

We watched the rest of the movie in silence. My family seemed to be immersed in the story, and I secretly anticipated watching their reactions to the movie’s final heart-wrenching scenes.

But, with uncanny timing, my sister’s dog, which is coincidentally named Jack, decided that these final scenes would be a good time to walk over and stare forlornly at me, demanding to be petted. With this, Jack-the-dog succeeded in distracting my family and making them laugh instead of cry. I seethed inside, ready to choke the little beast for robbing us all of a truly gay-empathetic, tearjerker moment.

After the movie ended I asked my family what they thought. I hoped for answers like, “Oh, I loved it! It’s just terrible what gay people had to go through to be together back then!”

Instead my parents just shrugged and said, “It was good,” while my sister criticized it for lack of character development. Although I secretly agreed with her, I instead defiantly pointed out that she’d left the room to nurse the baby during each of the crucial character development scenes. “Besides,” I said, “The movie is not so much about Jack and Ennis. It’s more about how their secret love impacted everyone else.”

After returning to San Diego, I’ve chewed that last thought over in my mind again and again. Now I realize that the most important “character development” to expect from watching a gay movie with my family is not among the actors, but among us, the viewers. In my family, this “character development” was subtle. They didn’t change personalities overnight after watching Brokeback, but our simple act of watching it together was an important step on the path of accepting each other for who we are. And just as our own paths to self-acceptance as GLBT people are works-in-progress, the paths of accepting others are often just as gradual.