If you’ve been reading “The Tao of Gay” regularly for the past year and a half, you already know that the point of this column is to satirize all things gay, as well as things not-so-gay, from a gay man’s perspective.

Occasionally, my humor is lost on some readers. In the week after my last tongue-in-cheek column about why it might suck to be straight (www.gaylesbiantimes.com/?id=10951), the Gay & Lesbian Times ran a letter from a reader who was quite upset about some of my generalizations. He especially took issue with my (revolutionary) suggestion that frustrated gay guys can always try to pick up drunk-and-willing guys at straight bars.

While I personally have little interest in straight conquests, there are plenty of gay men who do and are successful at it … this I know from hearing their stories about hookups scored from bars or Craigslist. The fact that straight guys are willing parties in these trysts means that they are consenting adults and not rape victims as my reader put it.

Earlier in the year, another reader wrote in to berate me and the entire gay population after he misread my satirical column (www.gaylesbiantimes.com/?id=9655) advising gay men on “how to stay single and avoid commitment.”

So dear readers, in an effort not to further offend you in future columns, I’m making some New Year’s resolutions.

First, I resolve to never again make fun of our straight brothers, lest they decide to retaliate by boycotting our gay decorators, gyms and heaven forbid … gay-for-pay porn.

Nor will I make fun of straight women who, though they’ll always be loved by gay men, would be doomed forever to frumpy outfits and bad makeup without the legions of gay pseudo-celebrities now making them over on Bravo and TLC.

Nor will I make fun of lesbians, who can still fix anything, even after drinking us guys under the table.

Nor will I poke fun at the closeted fruit-loopers parked in Balboa Park, watching the planes fly over while their flies are down. Nor will I poke fun at the guys who cruise each other outside of Starbucks or in the produce aisles at Ralph’s. (See “Cruising in San Diego,” www.gaylesbiantimes.com/?id=9863)

I’ll never again make jokes at the expense of drag queens, transgender people, bears, leather men, or circuit bois. I won’t diss guys who sashay, couples seeking a three-way, or tailgaters on the freeway. You’ll hear no more about bad dates (“How to ruin a date,” www.gaylesbiantimes.com/?id=9088), potential mates, friends-with-benefits, drama queens throwing hissy fits, fitness freaks, and gadget geeks.

Further, I’ll avoid maligning misfits, misandrists, misogynists, gynecologists, proctologists, psychologists, philanthropists, philanderers, and panderers. And I’ll forgo future forays into closeted celebrities, slutty celebrities, Britney’s genitals and sluts in general.

No more cracking jokes about crazy roommates and crazier family members.

Finally, forget about laughing at some of the craziest folks of all … gay people.

In the future, “Tao of Gay” columns will be dedicated to exposing our gay brothers and sisters caught up in the ugly crosshairs of geopolitical conflicts, socioeconomic policies, religious bigotry, and hate crimes. I also resolve to report on random acts of kindness, and aid in the overall pursuit of world peace.

Hmm … Nah. On second thought, this year I resolve to be true to myself and to my ideals, no matter who may disagree. And most importantly, I resolve to make you laugh a little more this year… maybe at yourself.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Gary Thayer lives in San Diego, and is still recovering from last year’s champagne hangover.