Now that we’ve bitten all the ears off our chocolate bunnies and have lost both sleep and friends from eating too much egg salad, we’re faced with almost two whole months without another big commercial holiday. Unless your birthday’s coming up, there’s not much to get excited about in April except April Fools Day or the Palm Springs White Party weekend. But there’s still one celebration in April that most of us tend to forget: Earth Day, which, this year, lands on April 22.

How do gays celebrate Earth Day? Maybe you’ve pledged to plant a tree in some blighted neighborhood, but your weekend drinking schedule has gotten in the way. Perhaps you’re planning to buy a hybrid, but you’re holding out for a gay-friendly Beemer model. At the very least, with any hope, you’re using canvas supermarket bags – if only because khaki is back in.

Here’s another proposal: If you’re single and gay, you can celebrate Earth Day year round by recycling men. In other words, when we discard date after date back into the Big Blue Bin of Boredom, each of our throwaway dates gets recycled back into the dating wading pool. Knowing the different types of recyclable men can help you make better choices when shopping. To help you along, I’ve compiled a list that you can cut out and stick on your fridge, next to your grocery list.

Plastic Men: Plastics are the most common type of gay recyclable in big cities. They’re easily recognized by their painted-on, low-rise jeans, tight tees with cutesy one-liners, and spiky hair that’s cute now, but will no doubt look silly in 10 years. Having fun and living in the moment is what Plastics are all about, and most Plastics are happy to be squeezed and pleased for a day or two. With such short-term agendas, Plastics can be hard to see through due to varying degrees of cloudiness (often the product of one too many martinis).

Glass Men: Although they’re no longer as common as Plastics, there are still many Glass Men in circulation. Like Plastics, Glass Men come in various shapes and colors, but are more transparent and honest. Because Glass Men are more conservative and durable than Plastics, they can happily stay in your home the rest of your life, even after the good stuff they originally contained is used up.

Newspaper Men: You can’t always judge a book by its cover, but you can sometimes judge a guy by the paper he reads. Sweet but geeky, Newspaper Guys are great for an intelligent conversation, but many gay men quickly get bored with them and end up leaving them alone on a bench.

Cardboard Men: Since there’s not much other than air pockets inside cardboard, these guys aren’t the smartest materials on the block. They’re often the ones who, when e-mailing you their photos, will simply forward the e-mail they sent to the last dozen guys they hit on, complete with all of the other guys’ e-mail addresses showing. But when all you want is something quick and semi-stiff, Cardboard Men will get the job done.

Metal Men: If a guy spends more time pumping iron or in his sleek, shiny car than he spends with you, he’s a Metal Man. Like Plastic or Cardboard Men, they can be great for short-term use, but after that they’re best left at the curb.

Wood Men: Besides being good for timber, Wood Men are traditional types who are in for the long haul, so they’ll be handy for building a home someday. If they’re a little rough around the edges, you might need to sand them down a bit.

Compost Men: In a class all their own, these men are the ones you’ll see cruising in the Black’s Beach parking lot, or on a corner of El Cajon Boulevard, or outside of 7-11 at 2:30 am. Although Compost Men are useful to gay men in their own unique way, they prefer not to be mixed back in with other recyclables.

Now that you know the ins and outs of men as recyclables, with any luck, you’ll be a smarter consumer. Now, you can feel good about doing something for Earth Day. Happy recycling!