Q: I’ve worked at a fairly conservative firm for years and have always brought opposite-sex “dates” to parties. But now that I am partnered with a wonderful woman I’d like to come out, but how?

A: Congratulations on your new romance. Having a significant other is often the impetus for people to come out at work because being in a couple makes the issue seem more concrete – at least to your colleagues – and there are more ways to bring the subject up. You don’t even have to say, “I’m a lesbian,” for instance, because it will be clear that she’s your girlfriend if you introduce her as such.

But first, consider the pros and cons of coming out at work. Let’s start with the pros:

– You won’t have the stress of living in the closet or worrying about switching pronouns at the last moment any more.

– You can talk openly about your relationship.

– You may make deeper friendships by being honest with your coworkers.

On the other side:

– You may lose your job or otherwise be discriminated against (i.e., run up against the pink ceiling).

– Your colleagues may not accept you in the way that you hope, and that could hinder your work performance.

– You may find that GLBT partners are not treated the same as heterosexual spouses.

Before making a final decision, find out whether your company has a nondiscrimination policy that includes sexual orientation and gender identity. See if there is an GLBT affinity group in your workplace that can provide you with guidance and support. Still, I’m in no way trying to dissuade you from coming out – in fact just the opposite – but do your due diligence.

Q: I have two kids in junior high who already don’t want to have anything to do with me or their other mother – not because we’re gay, just because we’re their. We purposely don’t wear our T-shirts that say, “We’re Here, We’re Queer,” but do wonder how out can we be without causing problems for them?

A: That can be a tricky age for kids. Any difference makes you suspect. A foreign accent. An idiosyncratic haircut. Same-sex parents. Needless to say, the answer to this question depends to some degree on where you live. For families in the Castro, Greenwich Village, and other gayborhoods, it’s fair to say that GLBT parents are not just common but ubiquitous.

But for parents and kids in areas where GLBT families are less visible, it makes sense to deploy a step-by-step coming out strategy. First, take stock of your new neighbors and figure out who has kids more or less the same age as yours. Much as you may have done when you first came out, befriend three or four of them who you think might be welcoming. More likely than not, you’ll soon find yourself being welcomed as a family into your neighborhood circle. And, of course, talk with your kids directly about their own feelings regarding your sexuality.