A very happy Chinese New Year on Thursday, Jan. 22, the first day of the new moon. 2004, the 4701st Chinese year, is the Year of the Monkey, which is a symbol of energy, activity, mischief and loyalty. More traditional Chinese, and most businesses in China and Hong Kong, celebrate for two weeks, ending on the 15th day with the full moon.

The first day of the Lunar New Year is “the welcoming of the gods of the heavens and earth.” Many will abstain from meat because it is believed to ensure long and happy lives —Atkins dieters will have to eat cheese all day instead. On the second day, the Chinese pray to their ancestors and are also extra kind to dogs and feed them well, as it is believed that this day is the birthday of all dogs. I swear I don’t make these things up. The third and fourth day are for sons-in-law to pay respect to their parents-in-law. On the fifth day one stays home to welcome the Gods of Wealth (I’m playing the Lotto and watching Oprah). The seventh day is the day of the farmers, who display their produce and concoct a drink from seven types of vegetables to celebrate (I wonder if any of those energy drinks from Jamba Juice will do?). This is also considered the birthday of all human beings. Uncut noodles are eaten to promote longevity and raw fish for success. On the eighth day, the people from Fujian pray to “Tian Gong — God of Heaven” at midnight. On the ninth day, offerings are made to the Jade Emperor. Friends and relatives should be invited for dinner from the 10th through the 12th day. After so much food, Chinese dine on simple rice congee (soup) and mustard greens to cleanse the system on the 13th day. The 14th day is spent in preparation for the Lantern Festival, which is held on the 15th day, to welcome and help see the gods at night.

Traditions and superstitions abound during the Chinese New Year. For example, the entire house must be cleaned before then. On New Year’s Eve, all brooms, vacuums, even “Swiffers” are put away to avoid good fortune being swept away. After New Year’s Day, dust and rubbish must be swept inwards, and then taken out the back door. If you don’t have a back door, God help you! The color white is strictly avoided, even in food, as it is considered unlucky because it signifies death and misfortune. The shooting of firecrackers is a big, and often dangerous, tradition of welcoming the New Year. At the stroke of midnight, every door and window is opened to allow the old year to go out. The number four, which phonetically sounds like the word “death,” is strictly avoided. One does not wash their hair for fear of washing away good luck (I guess I won’t be having my Herbal Essence moment).

So if you are Chinese, you get an extra day off. May the Monkey bring you good health, fortune, longevity and happiness all year!

The third Annual Hillcrest Mardi Gras, produced by the Hillcrest Association and the GSDBA Charitable Foundation, will be held on Fat Tuesday, Feb. 24, from 6:00 to 11:00 p.m. University Ave. will be closed from Fourth to First Ave. for the event, which will include a main stage featuring the LIPS girls and the All Worlds Video Go-Go Boys. DJ Taj will be spinning on the outdoor dance floor with great sounds, lights and laser. Over 3,000 revelers are expected to turn Hillcrest into a west coast “French Quarter,” complete with street performers, vendors, food booths and a parade of floats. The event, which raised $12,000 last year, will benefit the Youth Scholarship Fund. Tickets are $15 in advance ($20 the day of the event), and are available at Hamburger Mary’s, Obelisk Bookstore, Rainbow Road, and Ono Sushi. VIP tickets are also available at Mary’s.

There are two other related official events. On Friday, Feb. 13, get lucky and enjoy the “Wrestling 101” to be held at Montage. If you enjoy contact sports and love swishing around in oil and lube, be sure to sign up for this fun contest, hosted by porn star Rod Barry, and win cash and prizes. Who knows, you might even get a date out of this. The San Diego Mardi Gras King & Queen Contest is scheduled for Sunday, Feb. 22, at Numbers. So start putting together your most spectacular Mardi Gras costume and headdress, and pile on those sequins, beads, glitter and plumes. And remember, “bigger is better” and “when in doubt, pile on some more.” Winners in the King, Queen and Crew (group) competition will be presented at the official Hillcrest Mardi Gras on Fat Tuesday. Winners will receive cash, trophies and prizes worth over $1,000. I will be hosting the contest, and all you cute guys and gals out there, if you show me your best assets, I will shower you with beads. For more info on these two contests, call Rafael at (619) 871-9167.

Bourbon Street will be celebrating Mardi Gras starting on the 18th of

February with “Seven Days of Decadence.” The party will continue each night through Feb. 24, “Fat Tuesday.” Bourbon Street will be hosting the King and Queen of Mardi Gras 2004 costume contest with $1000 cash to the winners. Bourbon Street will also be donating part of this year’s proceeds to the Ben F. Dillingham Community Grant.

Calling all lovers of beary kinds of men. Bears San Diego is presenting their annual SunBears 2004 this weekend. The kick-off party is at Pecs, Friday from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m., with food catered by Brians’ American Eatery. Then rush over to the Beverage Bust and Underwear Party at the Eagle from 8:00 p.m. until you’ve been picked up. On Saturday out-of-towners and locals alike can board a bus for a day trip cross the border to Rosarito for some shopping, and then on to Puerto Nuevo for a lobster lunch. Pre-registration is required for the bus trip. For more information, visit this article at www.gaylesbiantimes.com for a link to their website.

As with any gay weekend anywhere, the festivities are not complete without a pageant — this one is just a little more hairy. So after a clean shower (or not), head over to The Hole for the Mr. Bear San Diego Contest at 6:00 p.m., hosted by Wayne Dietz. If you didn’t stay out too late, a Sunday champagne brunch will be held at 10:00 a.m. at, where else? Hamburger Mary’s — for the best brunch in town. Finally, bid your newfound friends adieu at the farewell party at The Hole. A portion of the weekend proceeds will benefit Mama’s Kitchen.

So be bear or be square. These bears do not hibernate in the winter. Grrrrrr.

Are you in a committed relationship and dreaming of a white wedding? Then the Commitment Expo held at The Center last week should have been your first stop before planning for the big event. Expo founder Andrew Haddock, an experienced caterer and event planner, came up with the idea of a one-stop shop to help you plan that perfect ceremony. Every aspect of the big day was represented at the expo, including the Macy’s Bridal (or Groom) Registry, bridal gowns by Demetrios and tuxes by Friar Tux Shop. Love locations to consider include the Japanese Friendship Garden at Balboa Park, La Jolla Women’s Club or The Angel’s Landing in Julian. Many excellent caterers were also on hand, such as the French Gourmet, Continental Catering and a place simply called Cake. There were exquisite traditional photographers like Mindy Sonshine and Paul van Vleck, as well as more artsy ones like Gigi Clark of Rituals. They really thought of everything, including ministers, insurance brokers, investment advisors and DJ Tim Altbaum. Even Mary Kay sent a team. But the piece de resistance was the California Chocolate Fountain where guests could dip their own strawberries. Several workshops were also in session, such as the legal details of domestic partnership.

If you missed this one, don’t fret, because the Commitment Expo is coming back to San Diego in June. And I’ll probably still be single. For more information, visit this article at www.gaylesbiantimes.com for a link to their website.

Want to see the hottest boys shaking their money makers for $300 in cash & prizes? Well, this isn’t “The Price is Right!” But, come on down to Numbers on Tuesday, January 20th for The Go Go Contest Finals. Be there to cheer on the winner, and possibly to console the loser.