I apologize for any confusion that may have resulted from my declaring the Hillcrest Mardi Gras “official.” In fact, there are other big Mardi Gras celebrations in town, most notably Bourbon Street’s original Mardi Gras “Seven Days of Decadence,” starting Wednesday, Feb. 18, and celebrating through Fat Tuesday on the 24th. I’ve been told that this will be their 17th annual celebration and they are bringing in hot Colt model Carl Hardwick and ChiChi LaRue’s Boy Review, hosted by Ophelia, for a special appearance. There’s also a fashion show by Rooster Gear and a chance to win VIP tix to Jeffrey Sanker’s White Party. Thursday is Falcon Studios Night, with video stars and giveaways, Friday is Women’s Decadence and Lights Out Night, Saturday is White Party Warmup Night, Chi Chi LaRue and her boys highlight Sunday night, Monday is Southern Decadence/Colt Studios Night, and Tuesday is the big day, with performers and the King and Queen of Mardi Gras contest, featuring $1,000 in cash and $1,000 in prizes. So call (619) 291-4043 for more detailed info.

It is not true that Howard Dean contracted mad cow disease while in Iowa. But there is rumor that Carson Kressley wants to get his hands on Mrs. Dean. Former US weapons expert Dr. David Kay concluded that there are no large quantities of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Watch the Bush administration look for a scapegoat. Nobody cares anymore if Ben and Jennifer are together, except if she would return the ring. Martha’s trial is finally underway. The government should channel their efforts in prosecuting the really big fish like Enron and MCI. Captain Kangaroo is no longer, and neither is Ann Miller, and that’s truly a loss. There’s a new strain of flu called Avian, not to be confused with the bottled water. “Will & Grace” lost again in the Golden Globes. Me, I’m just glad I’m not freezing my butt off in New York.

Angels in America, Tony Kushner’s Pulitzer prize-winning play, swept the Golden Globe awards as the Best Miniseries, plus all the acting awards in their category. A notable high point was Meryl Streep’s acceptance speech for Best Actress “ … I don’t think the two biggest problems in America are that too many people want to commit their lives to one another till death do us part, and steroids in sports.”

Okay, indulge me but I have to do this. Best dressed was Brittany Murphy in her sea foam green chiffon Deco gown studded with Austrian crystals. Worst dressed was Renee Zellweger, busting out in a dress not fit for a woman of her voluptuous size. J. Lo was there in an orange Grecian gown reminiscent of one worn many years ago by Liz Taylor. I thought she looked heavy and the gown did not show off her curves. Nicole Kidman was too self-conscious of her Chanel halter dress shifting and possibly showing her boobs. Think double stick tape. Now you know the problems drag queens face each time they tuck!

I don’t know much about football, much less the New England Patriots or the Carolina Panthers — I watch the Super Bowl to see the newest TV commercials, which will cost almost $2.25 million per 30-second spot — but I’m no dummy and know the hottest guys will be at the Super Bowl parties all over town. And what better place to be than at Super Bowl central — Bourbon Street. Start your day with a delicious brunch catered by The Abbey. San Diego American Flag Football will be holding its draft party on the patio with over 100 local football players, including the Bourbon Street Hurricanes. The barbeque will be roaring, and there will be plenty of burgers and tailgate foods. I’ll be sitting quietly in a corner and ogling at the boys in their tight outfits. There will be official NFL and Super Bowl prizes throughout the game, and pitchers of MGD and Sierra Nevada are just $3, and $1.50 for drafts. How can you lose?

Brass Rail opens at 12:00 noon and their Super Bowl party will start at 2:00 p.m., with lots of food, fun and friends. Free (yes, you heard me) hotdogs will be served from 4:00 to 6:00 p.m., along with 25-cent drafts and $2 well drinks. Free food and cheap drinks — I might even get lucky with easy boys! DJ Klaus will be spinning and the happy hour will go on ‘til 8:00 p.m.

If you’re an early riser or just bursting with anticipation, Bacchus House opens at 6:00 a.m. with Foxy Production’s “Club Notorious.” At 1:00 p.m., watch the game on 32 flat screen TVs and enjoy free hotdogs with all the fixings.

Happy hour at The Eagle starts at 2:00 p.m. for the game and runs ‘til 8:00 p.m., with lots of hot dogs and popcorn to munch on. And if you’re having a grand ole time and just don’t want to leave, stay for 50-cent domestic drafts ‘til closing.

Numbers will have the Big Game on four big screens, plus free hot dogs and $5 pitchers.

I’m always in search of good Chinese food and my prayers have been answered. Chef Lau’s, at 3739B Sixth Ave. (near Pennsylvania Ave.) is a delightful new place that serves an interesting small menu. You won’t find your General Cho’s chicken or beef with broccoli. Instead, you will discover a different style of enjoying Asian cuisine. Chef and owner Tom Lau decided to call his cuisine Asian “tapas,” instead of “Dim Sum,” because the latter usually refers to Cantonese cooking. Tom’s family originated from Shandong in Northern China, where the staples are noodles, rather than rice.

Asian tapas are meant for sharing and tasting different kinds of food. The portion is slightly smaller, and so is the price of each plate, between $2.50 and $8. Chef Lau’s specialty are their dumplings and noodle soups. You can customize your dumplings and your soup by selecting the ingredients you want. Some really cool items not usually available in other Chinese restaurants include Tea Marble Eggs — boiled eggs marinated in special tea, Mandarin Flat Bread (scallion pancakes), Curry Beef Puffs (like empanadas), Cantonese Turnip Cake, and Vietnamese Summer Roll (soft rice flour wrap with shrimps, veggies and cellophane noodles). They also serve tasty chilled sesame noodles, golden egg rolls, crispy stuffed wontons and Satay chicken skewers. Most dishes come with an interesting dipping sauce. But the best in the house is their Tea Smoked Chicken — a slow roasted, tender and moist tea-infused chicken. This dish is truly heavenly. Chef Lau’s is open seven days a week, for lunch and dinner, and they’re available for catering.Call (619) 692-4189 for reservations.

That’s right; Hamburger Mary’s half sister from south of the border is moving in to the space that used to be Seven on University Ave. Margarita Mary will be serving up zesty Mexican food and those killer margaritas. It will have the same casual upbeat ambiance of the Hillcrest location but with a more salsa flair.

And speaking of Hamburger Mary’s, she’s baring it all for you. With the popularity of the Atkins diet and every fast food joint, including Burger King, jumping in the fray, Mary has succumbed to your pleadings and she is shedding her buns. So go and ask for the “Naked Mary” and get delicious, good quality beef burgers without the guilt.

Cashmere Cavalier hosts a Valentine’s Day drag show at the Brass Rail on Saturday, Feb 14, featuring Jasmine and Gigi Masters, Satin Styles and Roxy. A portion of the proceeds benefits the Alpha Project. By the way, stop by and say hello to Big Mike every Friday and Saturday night at the Rail beginning at 9:00 p.m.

And speaking of Valentine’s Day, it’s not too early to consider giving up your razor and go laser. Get rid of those unwanted hairs, especially in those hard to reach areas, and be ready for that hot date on V Day. Call Debbie (858) 625-0505 at the Cosmetic Laser Center, 8950 Villa La Jolla Drive in La Jolla. They are currently offering a special “couples” package and you can be assured of confidential, professional treatment.

Club Montage and Sdpix.com are searching for the hottest couple in San Diego and they’re giving away $1,000. visit www.gaylesbiantimes.com for a link to online voting. By the way, Montage is opening on Sundays starting in February, with a $5 beverage bust from 7:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m., making their weekend a three-day event from Friday to Sunday.

And it is all of the above. The revue, now at 6th@Penn through Feb. 18, is a fun mish-mash of familiar show tunes — some with witty gay lyrics added — and other fun original songs. I melted in my seat when Steve Gray belted out “50 Percent,” originated by Dorothy Laudon on Broadway in Ballroom, and when Ria Carey sang a very sultry version of “Sista’” from The Life. Phillip Golden added a touch of campiness as he impersonated Bette, Mae and Carol Channing with the song “Nobody wants a fairy when you’re old.” Frank Remiatte, Jeffrey Rockwell, and Greg Tankersley complete the ensemble in this queer musical conceived and directed by Ole Kittleson. Go see the show; it is, quite simply, very entertaining!