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dining out
The art of the Spam soiree
Published Thursday, 13-May-2004 in issue 855
It’s the lowest form of home entertaining to hit American culture. And yet it ranks among the most fun. If you’ve never thrown a “bad taste” party, then you’re probably taking life too seriously and spending an inordinate amount of time polishing the silverware.
Nearly three decades after gay filmmaker John Waters gave cult moviegoers a shocking introduction to trash cinema with films such as Pink Flamingos, Desperate Living and Female Troubles, a growing number of party hosts have begun replacing the smoked salmon with Spam, and the fresh roses with plastic carnations. Or steal a few attitude tips from panelists on “The Jerry Springer Show”, and you’ll gain the confidence to greet your guests while wearing those fuzzy slippers with the missing tassels.
North Park residents Anne Hewett and her partner, Marge, have mastered the art of throwing what they call their annual “white trash party.” About 30 friends show up each year dressed in everything from polyester pants to ripped shirts, mullet wigs, house robes, or in one case, empty beer cans that a female guest used as hair curlers.
“We include on the invitations that we’ll provide tacky outfits for those who don’t have any,” says Hewett. “But it’s better to come dressed than to be dressed by us,” she quips.
Guests are also asked to bring a junky side dish for a chance at winning a prize. Last year’s honors went to a guest who brought something called Armadillo Balls, which consisted of ground beef mixed with rice and tomato sauce, and then cooked in the microwave. “The food has to be edible, but not necessarily presentable,” she adds.
Another guest, she recalls, once brought a smashing casserole of jalepeno Cheez Whiz layered over Spam. “We get a lot of white bread and bologna, too.” Additionally, the drink menu includes Schlitz Malt Ale, Pabst Beer and screw-top bottles of Boones Farm wine.
The couple, who normally threw formal Christmas parties each year, decided to nix them in lieu of summer “trash” soirees because “they’re a lot more laid back.” Hewett cites, however, that she’ll be moving this year’s party to the cooler month of October. “Polyester doesn’t breathe. And the heat really gets to a lot of people.”
Preparing the house is also part of the fun. “We put foil on the windows, decorate in loud colors and shop at the thrift stores for plastic items. We also hang hunting and ball caps around the house and pull out the tacky stein collections.”
For those who prefer doing less, numerous websites that offer bad-taste party planning recommend not cleaning or decorating your house at all. One suggests leaving beds unmade. Another encourages hosts to keep laundry baskets in view, or fling bras and panties over their shower doors.
“No matter who you are, there is a small aspect of this in all of us,” Hewett notes. “It’s really amazing. Most people can draw from some segment of their families for ideas. We’ve never offended anyone because it’s such a fun thing – and less stress and low cost.”
Last year’s honors went to a guest who brought something called Armadillo Balls, which consisted of ground beef mixed with rice and tomato sauce, and then cooked in the microwave.
But as any host of trash parties might warn – just beware of those who show up and don’t get it.
Below are a few more tips that will keep your guests firmly planted in an evening of bad taste:
• Start vacuuming in the middle of the party
• Spread dog bowls around the room and fill with Chex Mix
• Run videos of the Anna Nicole Show at high volume
• Serve hot dogs wrapped in bologna, pots of Hamburger Helper and plastic bowls of green Jell-O
• Exhibit aggression periodically by hitting your guests over the head with a Rubbermaid spatula
• Overload shelves and end tables with tacky bric-a-brac
• Hang a laundry line through the middle of the living room
• Put away your nice bathroom towels
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