Oh what a week! We still don’t have an officially elected mayor, and the Chargers are staging a huge comeback. The South African Supreme Court ruled that marriage between a man and a woman only is constitutional, and Assemblymember Mark Leno is reintroducing a bill to amend the California Family Code’s definition of marriage as between “two persons.” Alexander the movie is a bomb, but I still love Colin Farrell. In the movie, Colin and his male lover “hug a lot,” said film critic Roger Ebert. Some network affiliates in Oregon say they will consider airing the controversial United Church of Christ ad that proclaims that they “do not turn anybody away,” while Bravo’s new reality TV show “Project Runway”, where 12 aspiring designers claw at each other in the cutthroat fashion industry, made its debut. My first ‘December Nights’ at Balboa Park was a washout. A wet drag queen, no matter how fabulous she is, is not a pretty sight. And we have almost forgotten the last presidential elections! This is a special edition of Haute Coco.

Over a 150 beefy men and boys partied at the All Worlds Resort in Palm Springs last weekend. This is the annual BeefyBoyz on the Road winter weekend, including dances, barbeques and other bar events held at various local joints. I stopped by briefly last Saturday at the resort to say hello to Big Daddy Jim. And while I was the skinniest guy around, I was almost tempted to gobble up a dozen burgers, and grow some chest hair. Oh me, oh my! There are really some hot, beefy men there. I thought about fainting and seeing if anyone would pick me up, but gave up that idea. For now, I will stay with my size 8 dress size and forget about a furry patch on my body, but will make sure I make it back for their next event. Visit this column online at www.gaylesbiantimes.com to find out more about their upcoming events.

I want to share a secret with you – Secrets Wig Designs in North Park, that is, located at 2818 University Ave. Maria, former master stylist at Granada Wigs downtown, has opened up her own shop. I dare say, every fabulous drag queen in San Diego swears by Maria’s magic teasing comb, including myself. From Babette, to Empress Lala, to the lovely ladies of LIPS restaurant, we all love her to death. Maria is a very sweet woman, very accommodating and her prices are super. I highly recommend her for drag professionals and novices alike. Secrets Wig Designs is open Monday through Saturday from 11:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.

Also new in North Park: Jackie O has just opened her own flower shop. For those of you who are not familiar with Jackie, she won the Ms. Gay Latino California a year ago and is very active with the Imperial Court. Jackie has been a floral designer for 25 years and her floral arrangements have graced previous coronation balls and the Premios Latinos Awards. Jackie O’s Flower Shop is at 2810 University Ave., and she is open seven days a week.

Come see me tonight (Dec. 9) at Bacchus House for the weekly Raining Men Wet Underwear Contest and join the fun as we are filmed LIVE for a pilot TV reality show set in a gay bar. I promise there will be some hot men getting wet for all of you. So move over, Carson Kressley, Franceska and I are going to hopefully be in your living room soon. Of course, if I can just convince them to chop Franceska’s footage in the cutting room floor… I wonder whom I have to sleep with?

On Friday, Dec. 10, come see me at the second of three runs of Babette Schwartz’s annual holiday show “Holiday Highballs” at Martinis Above Fourth, located at 3940 Fourth Ave. (right across from Club San Diego). Call Martinis at (619) 400-4500 for dinner reservations (tickets may be sold out by press time). But get tickets in advance at Babette Schwartz, located at 421 University Ave., whether you are coming for dinner or just the show. Last week’s show was a sell-out success! Gina Roberts, Cashmere and I are Babette’s guests this week. The last show, next Friday, Dec. 17, will feature Fifi, Kiki and Cristina Monet. Showtime is 9:00 p.m.

Newsflash: Chad Michaels is back in San Diego, and is in all three shows!

On Sunday, Dec. 12, I will be hosting the Imperial Court’s 28th annual Toys for Kids (and young adults) drive at Numbers. This year’s toy drive is chaired by Emperor Chris, Empress Lala Too, Empress Katrina, Czar Nathan and Mr. Gay Hillcrest 2004, Rocky. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., with food, show and auction. It’s $10 at the door or $8 if you bring a new, unwrapped toy. None of that latex, battery-operated toys, please!

Sounds like a good combination to me. Soup or Salad is a new bistro in University Heights, located at 4646 Park Blvd. that not only serves great food but also supports local artists and community organizations. How, you ask? Well, they offer gallery space for local artists and then donate their commission from art sales to local charities. Currently, the space is featuring the works of photographer Andrew Printer, called “Changing Rooms” ’til the end of the month. Last week, Andrew presented limited-edition prints to Nicole and Franceska, who are subjects of this series of photographs, in recognition of their community service. A donation was also made from the sale of one of the photos to Grocery Hearts, who was designated the beneficiary of Soup or Salad’s commissions from art sales from January to June, 2005. With this unusually cold weather hitting us, stop by for their famous Chicken Soup. I hear it’s just like Mom’s!

Tickets to Take Me Out, the 2003 Tony Award winner for Best New Play, playing at The Old Globe Theatre, go on sale Dec. 12. Get them by calling (619) 234-5623. The show, which opens Jan. 15 and is on a limited run ’til Feb. 20, is about a big baseball star coming out to his friends, team members and the sports world. I saw the original production on Broadway and fell in deep lust with the star. The show contains nudity, but that’s not why I’m going back. I mean full, frontal nudity, including a team shower scene. They are naked multiple times. But I really love the story. No, really!

World-famous Les Ballets Trocadero de Monte Carlo is coming to the California Center for the Performing Arts in Escondido on Jan. 14 at 8:00 p.m., with Outstaged. The all-male comic ballet pirouettes the fine line between camp and art as they perform classical works from the likes of Swan Lake. More like the molting bird! These fine dancers are well trained, with two left toe shoes, and are lots of fun. A $10 portion of each ticket benefits Fraternity House. Call (800) 988-4253 for tickets.

Club Montage’s Winter Party ’04 takes place Saturday, Dec. 18, with DJ Kimberly S and a special performance by Gioia Bruno. On a recent Saturday pilgrimage there, I was quite impressed with the hot crowd. This joint is really jumpin’.

The Lady Bunny will be “Homo for Christmas” at Rich’s on Saturday, Dec. 11. And let me tell you, this girl is no lady. Her hair is way bigger than Babette’s, if that’s possible, and she is more foul-mouthed than anyone I know. Maybe except for Jackie Beat. But then, if she’s not, she wouldn’t be Bunny. She is so much fun to get into trouble with and is also a great DJ. Go see Bunny – she’s a real ho!

The Brass Rail knows what you want, so they have not one, but two Latin nights, Thursdays and Saturdays. And don’t forget Fridays is Brown Sugar with DJ myxzlplix, so give yourself some luv, baby!

Over at The Flame, it’s SPIN on Fridays, with some of the best DJs on the circuit. Mike Duretto spins on Dec. 10, and Monty Q takes over on Dec. 17. There’s also the Hip-Hop Room and the Chill-Out Lounge, and $2 well drinks all night.

You don’t want to miss ever-popular, ever-fabulous Blue Velvet performing their “Christmas Show” at Bourbon Street on Dec. 16! And on Dec. 23, it’s the “Dreamgirls Christmas Revue”, hosted by the outrageous Nicole.

Send you your suggestions and announcements to coco@cocolachine.com.