My heart goes out to all those affected by the tsunami disaster. Let us give generously to the relief funds. Better yet, book a trip out to that part of the world and help bring their economy back up. It’s that time of year for the entertainment awards – the People’s Choice, Critics Choice, Golden Globes and the Oscars. I think the fashion police are more fun. But I’d skip Starr Jones and go with Joan and Melissa on their new red carpet show on the TV Guide Channel. The Donald is getting married again and I wonder what the pre-nup says? Mulani deserves at least $5 million just to be seen with Donald’s comb-over hair. “Queer Eye” spins off to a Straight Girl this week. Email me and let me know what you think. It is estimated to cost $17 million just to provide security for the presidential inauguration in D.C. In these times of war and disaster, we should be more prudent and scale down this celebration – for someone that over 40 percent of the country did not vote for. For the record, I am NOT the other woman in the Pitt/Aniston breakup. But I certainly would like to have been, with Brad that is!

While San Diego was getting soaked during the holidays, weather in New York City while I was there was unusually warm – hovering in the mid 50s and even reaching 60 degrees. Because of that and the better exchange rate, we saw a record number of out-of-towners and foreigners visiting, and ringing in the New Year in the Big Apple. There were great bargains to be had and Canal Street in Chinatown was flooded with designer knock-offs. Anything from Vuitton, Prada, Hermes, Dior bags and accessories, Tiffany sterling silver jewelries, to Rolex watches. The trick is to get there at the right moment when the police are not cruising by. What is amazing is the entire Chinatown is patrolled by hundreds of Asians with cell phones, watching out for the coppers, and you will be impressed by how fast they can close down their storefronts before you can say Gucci. If you are lucky and look like a serious buyer, you will be allowed through a hidden door to a candy store for designer knock-offs. Inside this labyrinth are connecting tunnels to many different stores and exits. I was even taken to a second floor warehouse inside a commercial building, by going through three locked doors, each one with a watcher standing guard. All with cell phones, of course. Every imaginable brand of designer bags can be had for almost the cost of a dozen egg rolls. And they are very well made faux, no less.

Over at Times Square, as expected, there were more visible police officers. The mailboxes are altered so that you cannot insert large items and the manholes were sealed. Revelers were told not to bring bags and backpacks, and alcoholic beverages were not allowed. You have to be impressed by the logistics of the New Year ball drop, with no major incident reported. Me, I was safely ensconced at a little bar near the Port Authority bus station called Le Fleur. This go-go boy bar took over where Cats and Stella’s left off, two strip joints closed down by Giuliani. With mostly very well-hung South American and black boys, I guarantee your dollar tips will go a very long way. My Lee press-on nails even got caught in the G-string, but I was a happy camper. Of course, I also took a side trip to the world famous Gaiety, the strip theater above the Howard Johnson restaurant in Times Square. The Gaiety is famous for really hunky men from Canada who dance their way to your heart and wallet. And because the Gaiety does not serve liquor, the boys gets totally rock hard naked. Sorry but I can’t share those pictures!

Broadway was teeming with people, in line for half price tickets to a show. 42nd Street, the musical, closed last weekend. Drew Lachey, Nick’s brother from 98 Degrees, joined the cast of Rent. Stay away from the musicals Drakula and Brooklyn – you’ll thank me for it. This is also the season for one-man shows. Billy Crystal is drawing them in, but Whoopi is not. Mario Cantone is a gem! Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, which originated at The Old Globe Theatre, is moving to Broadway, and tickets to Wicked remain hard to get. Harvey Fierstein is playing Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, and Phantom of the Opera is seeing resurgence with the release of the movie musical version.

My dear, I did not misspell the show title. Read on. Whenever a Broadway show makes a revival, it suffers the fate of comparison to the original production. And if you are as old as I am, and saw the original production back in 1983, this revival just falls flat. Not to say that this production isn’t fabulous and entertaining, because it is! But you have to consider that when La Cage first burst unto the Great White Way, it was a big deal. A très gay drag show on Broadway was a milestone. This current production lacks the “Oomph” of the original. In the opening production number of the original production, the Cagelles wore very lavish, sequin-encrusted and feather-trimmed coats, and when they raise their hands up, their coats hooked on and flew up with the sets into the wings. That was a very memorable moment. This production is slicker but lacks the flamboyance, especially with the sets. Except for a large statue of a naked man, whose penis works as a light switch, and a smaller naked statue whose penis works like a cigarette lighter, the couple’s home looks like it was decorated by Janet Reno, rather than Thom Felicia. Gary Beach, who plays Albin/Zaza and was last seen as the zany cross-dressing director in The Producers, was not as effective as George Hearns in the original production. Every time George made an entrance with an even more spectacular outfit, he made an entrance! Sadly, not Gary. He seems like he’s still stuck with reprising his role from The Producers, with a lot of slapstick facial expressions and over-hamming his act, whereas George’s Zaza was endearing and had more heart. This is one show that I would have loved to see the standby, rather than the main lead. Michael Benjamin Washington as Jacob, the tranny butler, was the scene-stealer. But the best of them all has to be Daniel Davis, the English butler from television’s “The Nanny”, who not only can sing but pretty much carried the show. The costumes by William Ivy Long are wonderful, but not sensational. Choreographer Jerry Mitchell put the Cagelles through very acrobatic steps, but the opening and closing numbers were lackluster. If you have never seen the original Broadway production, I totally recommend the show. If you saw the original production, I would love to hear your thoughts about this revival. I think it can use a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!

I’ve mentioned the 2003 Tony Award-winning play Take Me Out in this column previously. Well, it’s finally opening at The Old Globe, and plays from Jan. 15 to Feb 20. Now, coming out is hard enough for anyone, but imagine if you are a baseball star! That’s the premise of the play, and many scenes take place in the locker room and shower. The show is for mature audiences, as it contains nudity! Did I mention full frontal nudity? This hard-hitting look at a batter is sure to be a hit, (so many baseball puns, so little time) so call The Old Globe’s box office at (619) 234-5623. The play is so poignant and well written that you wouldn’t have to admit that you went to look at naked boys only.

Rich’s L.L. Bear – BYOB (Bring your own Levi, leather bear) one-year anniversary party on Jan. 15. Come party with all the hot, furry daddies. Also, Rich’s premier Latino party, Club Papi, will be back on Jan. 22.

Club Chub comes to The Brass Rail on Sunday, Jan. 16, from 3:00 to 9:00 p.m., with DJ Klaus. There will be a beer bust, 75-cent drafts, $3 pitchers, $2 domestic bottled beer and $2 schnapps. Also, don’t forget they have two Latino nights each week – Thursdays and Saturdays.

Speaking of Latino nights, Bacchus House has two Latino nights as well. Noche Latino on Wednesday is an institution, and Club Domingo Caliente on Sunday. Both nights are hosted by Franceska, and feature DJ Ruben Casas, cheap drinks and a fabulous show. I am sensing a new trend here.

N.Y.C. DJ Lydia Prim spins at the dance bar at Montage this Saturday, with afterhours until 4:00 a.m. Remember there’s a free cover before 11:00 p.m. with an E-Pass, which you can get on Club Montage’s website (visit this column online at www.gaylesbiantimes.com for a link).

Email me at coco@cocolachine.com.