The president is doing a big push for his new Social Security plan. Just like the war in Iraq, if you don’t support it, you’ll be called un-American. A New York court has ruled that the ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. There may be hope yet for America. But let’s not celebrate just yet – our enemies are not going to just sit quietly. My friend Martha lands herself a big TV reality show. Of course, this was all discussed before she went to Camp Cupcake, or did she go to camp before her appeal because of the show? “American Idol” is back! Are we going to discover another 15-second musical wonder like William Hung? Thank god the Super Bowl is over – cruising at The Home Depot just was not the same last Sunday. The two things that intrigue me most about the game is the $2.4 million per 30-second TV ad, and how Deion Branch came up with the spelling of his name? What ever happened to good old Jack, John or James? “Desperate Housewives” is the biggest hit on TV, much like the “Dynasty” of the ’90s. I’m surprised none of the bars have started their “Desperate Sundays” night. I’ll play Gabrielle or Edie! It’s Valentine’s Day on Monday. Have you planned something nice for someone you love? Call Sean at Flowers by Sean, (619) 296-1500. He’ll fix you up with a nice bouquet.

The way the government is managing Social Security even Nicole will have to work till she’s 75 before she can retire. So starting tomorrow and very Friday night, the outrageous Nicole will be hosting the Body Idol go-go-boy contest at Bacchus House. And if you know Nicole, she can be downright dirty. The cash prize for the winner is a cool $175, with other prizes totaling $600 – including 10 tanning sessions at Tan Line, a cut and highlight at Salon Belle Jour and three-month membership at Urban Body Gym. Bacardi is the major sponsor of the contest, and I think this makes it the largest weekly cash prize of any contest in San Diego. Go see yummy go-go boys strip their way to stardom, with Nicole playing Bad Simon.

Now that Nicole has joined the Bacchus House family, the bar has literally cornered the market of the three grand divas of San Diego, and the oldest. Of course, I am much younger than both Nicole and Franceska, and I’m sticking with my story. Franceska is in on Wednesdays for the hugely popular Musica y Pasion Latino night, and I host the It’s Raining Men contest on Thursdays, which also draws a large, loyal following.

So if you can’t get enough of Nicole, here’s her weekly lineup of gigs: Monday is Dating Game at Flicks, Wednesday is Fabulous Bingo at Bourbon Street, Friday is Body Idol at Bacchus House and Saturday is Fabulous Bingo at Bourbon Street. Tuesdays and Thursdays she rests, and Sunday is probably her night at Balboa Park. For the fresh air, of course!

Last week Ophelia, Cristina Monet and I donned our “realness” drag and sashayed on downtown to the Hustler store, where we blew kisses with our porno gal pal, ChiChi LaRue, who was introducing her new line of personal toys (and they are no Barbie dolls). ChiChi brought her coterie of hot guys – Eddie Stone, Johnny Hazard and Brandon Lee – who were on hand to go-go dance in the display window, sign autographs and pose for pictures. Also seen were Doug Jeffries and All Worlds Video exclusives Chad Savage and Kyle Lewis. Later, ChiChi and Ophelia took the infamous LimoDudes batmobile with the boys for an after-party at Club Montage. I hear the party was so much fun, the girls did not make it back home till about 6:00 a.m. Sunday. Now I’m glad I was not there because 6:00 a.m. is not one of Ophelia’s best moments, if you know what I mean.

Instead, Cristina and I went next door to the Hustler Bar, except it’s no longer called the Hustler Bar. It is currently a bar with no name, but it’s still the same cool place. Cristina and I once ventured downtown last summer to check it out. Parking was so hard to find that we gave up, or chickened out of going in. This time, since we were there and didn’t care how real we looked, we marched into the bar and had the best time of our life. The dangerously handsome manager, Rick, was so friendly and so were the cocktail waitresses. They have a bevy of beautiful dancers; yes female dancers, who perform all night to really fun music like from Chicago, Moulin Rouge, etc. They bump and grind atop the bar and work wonders with the pole. The crowd was a mixture of young guys, some military, groups with girls, and some of the more strip-joint type. One of the later even made a date with my sister Cristina. I guess he wasn’t looking for “realness”. We had so much fun; we’ll be making the bar-with-no-name a regular haunt. Be very afraid.

A veritable who’s who (and not) came out to Martinis Above Fourth last Monday to celebrate Big Mike’s birthday. When you go to events like this and food is donated, they are sometimes mediocre. Not this time: Martinis’ crab cakes were delicious, the lasagna from Taste of Italy was so good I had two helpings, and the lightly-breaded artichoke hearts stuffed with blue cheese from Park Manor were sublime. So was the sushi from Ono Sushi and the ratatouille on garlic toast from Green Tomato. There was also a lavish chocolate fountain by Centifonti. Guests were also sampling the various martinis, especially Martinis Above Fourth’s new concoction, the Basil Martini.

The event and silent auction raised over $6,000 for Ordinary Miracles and Grocery Hearts. Seen at the event were District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis, Ben Dillingham III, Rick Ford, Emperor Chris Horton and Empress Lala Too, Bob Wood of Framing Creations, Nicole, Fifi, John McCusker and David Trick, Hal Frost, Robi Cox and Dr. Greg Scott, Bruce Abrams and many of Mike’s co-workers from Bourbon Street and Club Montage. Kudos to Noel Guanzon for organizing the auction and Tom Brown for putting the event together. Martinis Above Fourth, closed on Mondays, is becoming the new trendy place for private parties. Call them at (619) 400-4500 to book your next party.

If you are in the market for a new or used car and clueless like me, and especially hate the pushy salespeople that follow you around the car lot, do I have a tip for you! Susan Sutton takes the trauma and the puzzle out of finding your dream car at your budget. Whether you want to trade in that old Pinto for a Z3, or just need a new SUV for your hiking trips, Susan can help you find any make or model. Now is a really good time to buy; the new models are out and people are trading in their old cars. Call her at (760) 717-2102. In fact, she’s helping me find one right now.

The Brass Rail’s Stripper – The Show will be back on Wednesday, Feb. 16. This Las Vegas style strip show was such a hit last time, I’m going back for more!

Rich’s L.L. Bear presents Beefy Boys on Saturday, Feb. 17. Then on Sunday night Operation Dancestorm XV is back for another year. You don’t want to miss it!

I’m told the rage in the trendy clubs in London, Paris and Munich is all about pop music. So who else but the guys at The Flame would bring you Pop Rocks every Wednesday night? No cover, $2 Smirnoff Ice flavors and $1 Pucker shots. You can even request your favorite pop music video from the likes of Madonna, Britney, Janet, Mariah and many more of your one-named divas.

Terra Restaurant in Uptown is now open on Saturdays and Sundays, from 9:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Come in and enjoy the fabulous breakfast menu. For more information, call (619) 293-7088.

’Tis the season of amore, and that doesn’t just mean for those who are smitten. Love comes in many forms – a love of wine and good food, for example. There’s a great new restaurant and wine bar in North Park called Apertivo, located at 3926 30th St. Apertivo has your bases covered this weekend with over 30 wines by the glass, plus a special steak and shrimp tapas, just in time for your Valentine’s appetite.

If you feel like dropping me a line, email me at coco@cocolachine.com.