Will Robert Blake apply as Martha’s “apprentice” now that he’s free and broke? Maybe he could be Martha’s bodyguard. Should the government stay out of the Terri Schiavo case? Absolutely! This is a classic case of abuse of power and vote pandering. Will Michael Jackson continue limping his way to court every so often? Oh, why not? It’s quite dramatic and he might win an Oscar.

You may have heard about the hoopla over the early pull out of Mario Vasquez from “American Idol”. There have been rumors that he reportedly got a recording contract, another that he was gay. Well, my New York sources tell me that the media, including the Inquirer, have been camping outside The Web, the oldest and only Asian dance bar in N.Y.C., for over a week. This is my “home” bar in Manhattan, and where I usually perform. Apparently Mario has been seeing a non-Asian staff member for a while, but of course, they could simply be “friends.” Well, in the interest of investigative journalism, I am jetting off to the Big Apple to find out all the dirt.

This weekend will be particularly busy with all kinds of events. On Easter Sunday, hundreds of families and children will flock to Trolley Barn Park on Adams Avenue at 2:00 p.m. for the third annual GLBT Community Children’s Easter Egg Hunt, produced by the Imperial Court de San Diego. Last year, over 300 children participated in the hunt and took home baskets filled with toys and goodies.

If you are a party animal, the mother of all circuit parties is obviously the White Party in Palm Springs this weekend. Thousands and thousands of men will gather at the Palm Springs Convention Center for four days of nonstop dancing. Call (888) 777-8886 for tix. About the only way you can find a room within 100 miles is if you have your own trailer home. Now, just a word of motherly love – please party safe. Leave the bitch “Tina” behind. You can’t be cool if you’re dead.

If white is not your color, you may want to check out the Black Party at The Flame on Friday, March 25. I’ve always thought black is more flattering anyway. Besides, this party is way cheaper, with the same great sounds. So you get a few thousand less men – you can’t take them all home anyway. And as with the White Party, same rules apply here. Say no to Tina!

San Diego’s All Worlds Video took home four top honors at the recent Gay Video News Awards (GayVNs) held at Rage nightclub in West Hollywood. Porn diva ChiChi LaRue hosted the event, which brought together the who’s who in the gay adult entertainment industry. Local veteran director Dirk Yates won Best Director (Bisexual) for his video Semper Bi, which also won the Best Bisexual Video. Semper Bi features heartthrob Jonathan West. All Worlds also received the Best Bear Video for From Bear to Bare, and Best Ethnic Theme Video for Revolucion Sexual, directed by Rafael. This is the third award for director Rafael, who also won the same honor the two previous years for Zoot Suit and Sins of the Father. All Worlds discovery and former San Diego resident Dean Phoenix was recognized as the Performer of the Year. All Worlds Video, who will be celebrating their 20th anniversary, will be releasing a special edition of their very first video, Sgt. Swann Private File, on DVD this year.

I’ve been hosting the “It’s Raining Men” wet underwear contest for almost a year and a half now, and it’s been a party every Thursday night at Bacchus House. Tonight will be even more special, because I will have the new All Worlds Video exclusive, Chad Savage, as a guest star. Chad is not only a very sweet guy, he is also compactly handsome. Chad will be getting wet for all of you and giving away videos and signing autographs. The contest starts at about 11:00 p.m., and DJ Ruben Casas turns up the heat on the dance floor. I will also have a special guest star from Los Angeles making an appearance. Besides, where else can you get cheap $1 well drinks on a Thursday night? This is San Diego’s best-kept secret!

The week got off to an early start when my friends Tony, John and Aaron and I went to see Himself and Nora at The Old Globe. It took a few minutes for me to get into the groove of things because of the heavy Gaelic accent. After establishing the tone of the play, the lead actor, Matt Bogart, appears nude (well, almost – he was wearing a “second skin” dance belt) on stage as the newborn James Joyce. The musical with a cast of five is about Irish writer James Joyce and his turbulent life with his muse and later wife, Nora. The clever staging and amusing book lends to a fun evening at the theater.

Congratulations to Update on their 26th anniversary. The party at The Center last Saturday was a very nice, simple community affair with good food and company. Then it was off to Patty’s Bar for the birthday bash for Linda Childers, president of the Imperial Court de San Diego and the organizer of the GLBT Community Children’s Easter Egg Hunt. There was food and drag shows galore. Empress Jose (Jose Sarria), founder of the International Court System and the first openly gay candidate for public office, was in town from San Francisco, so I whisked her over for the celebration. Patty’s is a really nice, comfortable women’s bar on 30th and University, but men are welcome.

The next morning, I had breakfast with the emperor and empress at the Lumberjack Grill at 3949 Ohio St. in North Park, a warm no-nonsense place that serves comfort food. In fact, I’m a junkie for Hormel corned beef hash (yes, from a can) and so I was a happy camper. Then it was off to Maria’s at Secret Wigs on University Avenue (near 30th) for a quick touch-up before getting ready for the main event that night, the Prince & Princess Royale State Dinner at Martinis Above Fourth. The dinner was also the formal coronation of Adrian Rodriquez as the Aztec Golden Eagle Prince Royale , and Regina Styles as the Fire Rose Princess Royale. Seen at the event were Ben Dillingham, Michael Portantino, Ron Ferrero, Rick Ford, Todd Gloria, Al Best and the families of both Adrian and Regina. Empress Jose presided over the coronation ceremonies. Thank you to the boys at Martinis for once again opening their door to the community.

In addition to welcoming aboard a new doc (and a hot one at that!), Dr. J., Inner Balance Chiropractic, located at 1816 Lincoln Ave., is also offering up some fun events. On March 28, get the Buddha Bends with Mara Harris. April 8 is Cowboy Day – well yippee kay yay and a big yee-haw to that. Hopefully handsome Dr. Tim Shannahan will be in the spirit of things and wearing some chaps. On April 14 learn some new culinary skills with Mindy Goldis (limited to eight people; pre-registration is required). So call (619) 543-9999.

Coming up on Thursday, March 31, Gay & Lesbian Times publisher Michael Portantino will host a fundraiser at his home for his brother, Anthony Portantino, a candidate for the 44th state Assembly District. Anthony has strong backing from State Senator Christine Kehoe, Councilmember Toni Atkins and Congressmember Bob Filner, among others. The event runs from 5:30 to 8:00 p.m. Call (619) 331-7111 to RSVP.

This past Monday night, I, along with over 500 community members, flocked to The Center to participate in an organized response to the John McCusker mistreatment by the bishop of San Diego. Charged with emotions, and united in solidarity, we were ready to fight the good fight for what is right and just. I was overwhelmed by the sense of community in the auditorium, and empowered by the impact that this tragedy had galvanized in all of us. The surprised last-minute reversal and apology by the bishop, coupled with the request of the McCusker family, averted what could have been another turning point in our history. Some of us left feeling let down, others with a sense of relief – even victory, but willing to move on out of respect for the very personal and private situation that sparked all this turmoil. I applaud our leaders and every member of our community who rallied behind this cause, and whose names I will never get to know. And while this chapter is closed, let us use this renewed commitment to justice to remain vigilant, because we may have made a point today, but tomorrow another member of our community will be discriminated against somewhere. I thank you all for making me believe that it is possible to affect change.

Email me your thoughts and comments to coco@cocolachine.com.