Terry Schiavo is finally laid to rest, and bumped off the news by Pope John Paul II. Even the prince of England had to delay his marriage in deference to his eminence. In between there somewhere is Johnny Cochran’s memorial service, and now Prince Rainier gets his turn. Just goes to show, you may be a big cheese, but you only get 15 seconds of fame, or until the next one comes along.

I know my friend Nicole was taking notes for when the time comes for her majesty to bid “adios.” For sure, there will be the media – it will not be a Nicole event without the paparazzi. Nicole will even send out the news release himself. And knowing my sister well, there will be real food – tacos and burritos, not like those chi-chi canapés that the queen of England served for her own son’s wedding. I have commissioned The Home Depot to design Nicole’s outfit, and we will make sure she doesn’t wear those feathers on her hair like Camilla. This has to be regal, and we ain’t serving turkey.

Of course there will be lots of royalty in attendance, especially those that have their eyes on the conclave that follows. O.J. may not show, and too bad Andrew Cunanan will have to send his regrets. But I’m sure there will be a number of politicians who will pay their respects… and a sigh of relief. A call will be made to eight able-bodied men to be pallbearers… make that 12 really strong gym bunnies.

Now, hopefully, the memorial will not last as long as Johnny’s, but certainly the LIPS Gospel Brunch divas should be headliners. Being a charitable person, Nicole would want to donate his body organs; I’m sure some poor queen out there might find use for some extra silicone. As to the internment site, we will have to start scouting for a nice corner on El Cajon Boulevard for this honor. After all, Nicole is San Diego’s most-read columnist for over 30 years. Unlike John Paul, I don’t care what his will says, as long as I get the crown jewels. Oh dear, I am going to be so busy planning this show that if Nicole calls … tell him I’m in Siberia!

The talk of the town is the new chic boutique on University Avenue (the old Blair House site) call Senso. That’s Italian for sense, as in high fashion sense. I dropped in and chatted with owner Alba, who showed off her collection of unusual pieces of trendy outfits from all over the world. The shop opened three weeks ago and many of the name brands Senso carries are exclusives, and are not available anywhere else in San Diego. Names like Olva’s (Spain), Jodi B Weise (Australia), Yrmis (Venezuela) and Arrogant Cat (London). The small but finely selected merchandise includes casual tops, jeans, tees and jackets for men and women, and soon the Macy Gray collection. Senso also carries a small selection of undergarments and jewelry. So if you are looking for unique clothing with unusual fabric and fine detailing, stop by this new shop in Hillcrest and get carried away.

Speaking of shops, Martin and Wall next door is bursting with spring fashions for men, including hard-to-find Energy (Italy) jeans, shirts and hats. Other new lines added to the collection are Caffein, Industry and the new CK 39 (Calvin Klein) denims. Their Ben Sherman shirts are still a bestseller; and they have just added Body Glove surfer shorts and swimwear from Verge, C-IN2 and Speedo. Martin and Wall also carries a mega collection of men’s fashion underwear, like 2xst, Hugo Boss, Punto Blanco, Basket Wear and Calvin Klein. They truly believe in looking good inside and out.

Dogma Catma, the Tiffany of pet stores, also on the same block on University Avenue between First and Third avenues, just expanded to the space next door. Pet owners who demand only the best for their little darlings will find everything from a large collection of carrying bags (with Burberry fabric), to little spring hats and rhinestone collars fit for unworthy humans. This is truly pet heaven, if you can find one!

We always knew Tim (Monet St. James) was a queen at heart, but now he has a title to prove it. After a few years’ absence, the Closet Ball is back! The event was produced by Lola de la O and Robert Ristow, and raised over $1,200 to benefit the Metropolitan Community Church. Contestants may not have competed in drag before and appear in their own gender attire. Then after an extreme makeover, they reveal the swan in them in the opposite gender attire. A panel of judges that included former Center Board Chair Robert Gleason, City Commissioner Julia Legaspi, Mr. Rick Ford and Miss Gay International Greta Ashley Davis went into tribal council and finally selected Tim as Closet Ball Queen 2005; with Bobby (Bobbi) and Reza (Sequoia Cartier) as runner-ups. There was also a Cowboy Auction, where one could bid on a dinner date with a hot guy, or in the case of the Martinis Above Fourth boys, you got three for one. The auction raised over $500 for the NMR Student Scholarship Program. What a fun night!

The San Diego LGBT Community Leadership Council has scheduled an evening with Evan Wolfson, the renowned marriage equality advocate and national GLBT leader, on Thursday, April 21, from 7:00 to 8:00 p.m. at The Center. Wolfson is currently the executive director of Freedom to Marry. He has made headlines as a leader in the battle for equal marriage for same-sex couples in the landmark Hawaii case. His first book, Why Marriage Matters: America, Equality, and Gay People’s Right to Marry, was published by Simon & Schuster. Wolfson was also involved in the famous James Dale v. Boys Scouts of America case. In 2004, Wolfson was named to Time magazine’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world. The event is open to the public and admission is free. There will also be a private reception to welcome Evan to San Diego prior to the event. Contact Zac Mikles at The Center at (619) 692-2077 for more information.

All Worlds Video porn star Arpad Miklos will be making a special guest appearance at the “It’s Raining Men” wet underwear contest at Bacchus House this Thursday night, April 14, at 11:00 p.m. Videos featuring Arpad and gift certificates from Martin and Wall will be given away. The winner of the wet underwear contest receives $125. The quarterly finals of the It’s Raining Men contest will take place the following Thursday, April 21, with a $300 cash prize to the winner. There will be $1 well drinks all night, with me hosting. What else could you ask for?

Come show off your tattoos, piercings and brandings at the L.L. Bear (Levis, leather and bears) “Body Party” on Saturday, April 16. There will be $3 Bud, Bud Light and Miller Lite, with tribal mix music.

Picture whipped cream, rich chocolate and warm caramel syrup, and what one can do with it. Have it on your dessert or on some hot guy at Daddy AJ’s Birthday Bake sale on Saturday, April 16, at 8:00 p.m. at The Hole. The dessert auction will be presided over by Emperor XXX Wayne Dietz and Ms. San Diego Leather 2004 Karen Yew to benefit the Hillcrest Youth Center.

Mr. San Diego Leather 2004 Adam Latham will make his run for the title of International Mr. Leather over Memorial Day weekend. Join the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence as they invoke the Leather God Your Anus to sanctify Adam in a ceremony that will take place at the Temple of the Eagles (San Diego Eagle), beginning at 9:00 p.m. on Saturday, April 23. He will receive the Ten Commandments of Leather from the god Thor as a prelude to revelation of his 14 passions. The ceremony continues as Adam is anointed by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence by taking confession and then absolving his guilt through an act of penance. The secret ceremony will conclude with Adam being affixed to the temple’s shrine, where he is then reborn, as the sisters, dancing drag queens and disciples chant secret incantations to the music of ABBA. This event of a lifetime will provide proceeds to benefit the Hillcrest Youth Center and San Diego Leather Pride.

Happy birthday, BUZZ. To all others, email me your thoughts and comments at coco@cocolachine.com.