Cancer support groups are not for everyone, says Carrie Morrison, the clinical supervisor for Health Services at The Center, here in San Diego. But hearing Morrison’s extremely compelling – even passionate – reasons that might make a woman with breast cancer want to consider such a group, is enough to make the Grinch want to join one.

“Some people just don’t do well in groups,” says Morrison. “I get that. Some people are group people and some people are not group people.”

But meanwhile, says Morrison, here’s what happens when a woman with breast cancer attends a support group like the one Morrison conducts bi-weekly through The Center: “They start sitting in a room with people who have had the diagnosis longer than them, and they get filled with hope,” says Morrison. “They look at those people, and think, ‘They’re sitting here, and they’re living. They’re living. They’re not just existing.’ They gain a sense of hope – they’re not having to share the burden all by themselves. That’s one thing.

“And another thing,” continues Morrison, “they tend to be people who take care of people. So they get the diagnosis, and they get worried about how their friends, how their family, are dealing with it. So what happens is, they quit talking about their cancer. They come to group and say, ‘I’ve been telling everybody I feel great, but really I don’t feel well.’”

The Center’s support group for lesbians with cancer began as a breast cancer group but has expanded to involve all cancers. It’s a free group. Nevertheless, Morrison says there is a low uptake and participation level in the group, in spite of the large numbers of women being diagnosed with, and increasingly large numbers of women living with, breast cancer.

“There are many, many, many women in our community with breast cancer, and cancer in general,” says Morrison. “So the question is, ‘where are they going?’ Or are they just not going anywhere and dealing with the cancer diagnosis with their friends…”

Within the first year of a cancer diagnosis, says Morrison, the rate of depression is incredibly high. When first diagnosed, rather than getting depressed, many women get busy. There are doctors to speak with, research to be done, friends and family to reassure – and a lot of logistics. Then, once treatment is over and life settles down, people who have been through the ordeal often have time to stop and think, says Morrison, “‘Oh my god, either I have cancer, or I had cancer.’ Then the realization sets in. …

“Around the year-and-a-half or two-year mark, most people recognize, ‘Wow, I’m going on with my life.’ Their focus is now less on living with cancer, but…moving on with other things.”

Nevertheless, says Morrison, “Once you have a cancer diagnosis your life is forever changed. It’s not good or bad, it’s just different. So all of us that go through a major transition, we go through sort of a dark space. Whether it’s the loss of a relationship, or someone you love, you think, ‘What’s my life going to be like without this person?’ Or, ‘What’s my life going to be like without this job?’… So you think, ‘What’s my life going to be like with cancer?’ You are at a greater risk for depression, and that’s completely normal for what they’re going through.”

Your doctor might not always mention it, says Morrison, but depression is normal.

That’s where the numbers come in.

“The beauty of the group,” says Morrison, “is that there really is strength in numbers. I’ll get eight or nine people, and if it weren’t for the cancer they’d have nothing in common. You watch them, and they connect on a level that you and I don’t connect with people on at all.”

There are some rules at The Center support group. While it’s an open meeting, meaning anyone can join at any time, participants are strongly encouraged to attend at least three meetings before making a final decision. This cuts down on looky-loos that would be a potential disruption at the meetings. And members are also asked to give at least two weeks’ notice before leaving the group – so there’s a level of commitment involved.

Morrison hopes next to offer a group for partners, who are not allowed to attend the current lesbian cancer support group.

Being a partner to someone who has breast cancer, says Morrison, “comes with a whole other set of issues: ‘What do I do? How do I talk to them? I’m pissed off with them but I’m afraid to get mad at them because they have cancer.’”

Joining a cancer support group, as Morrison says, is not for everyone. But for those who are interested, it’s a decision that should not be taken lightly.

“I don’t want to paint a rosy picture,” says Morrison. “It is also hard work. Sometimes they sit next to someone who is dying. Sometimes I have to ask, ‘Are you dying?’ And if that person says yes, I have to ask, ‘What can we do to support you?’”

Mostly though, says Morrison, a cancer support group is full of people who have toned down life to its essential meaning, and that’s invigorating. “One of the things I love [about] working with people that have a chronic illness or a life-threatening illness is all the b.s. of life gets thrown out of the way. You get right to the nitty-gritty. Life is about connecting with other humans. It’s not about getting the right parking place and all the little stuff we get caught up in. … A cancer diagnosis is not a death sentence – but what it is, is a huge wake-up call.”

“We weren’t put here to do life by ourselves,” says Morrison. “The group is about building community, and helping each other grow. I’m getting tears in my eyes just thinking about it: There is magic in those groups.”

The Center’s support group for women with cancer meets on the first and third Wednesdays of each month, from 5:30 to 7:00 p.m. at The Center's Health Services, located on El Cajon Boulevard in North Park. For more information, contact Caroline Higgins at (619) 260-3080 ext. 105, or e-mail cmorrison@thecentersd.org or drcarriemorrison@aol.com.