Katie – oops, I mean Kate, gave birth. Who really cares? It’s rumored that Tom is not the daddy. The gossip is that they impregnated Kate with Ron Hubbard’s frozen sperm. I can’t confirm this because Tom is not calling me back. He’s on the road preaching – he’s convinced he’s the new messiah. What a joke! And now, we hear that Britney is pregnant again. That Federline guy must be good. And he’s smart – now he’s set for life. Oh dear, got to go. I have really important things to do… watch Amy Fisher, Joey and Mary Jo Buttafuoco kiss and make up. Ah, the simple pleasures of life.

The queen of porn, Chi Chi LaRue, will be making her first appearance in San Diego as a DJ at Bacchus House on Thursday, June 15, at 10:30 p.m. Apart from her directing duties, Chi Chi has been spinning regularly at Mickey’s and The Abbey in Los Angeles, and has also guest DJ’d at the White Party in Palm Springs and Splash Bar in New York. Chi Chi’s June 15 appearance will coincide with the It’s Raining Men wet underwear contest, which I host every Thursday night. Also scheduled to make a guest appearance is Rascal Video exclusive Tyler Riggs. Tyler has appeared in the recent No Cover, Leather Sessions and Wrong Side of the Tracks, for which he won a Gay Video News award. Make sure you plan on coming and enjoying an evening with Chi Chi and Tyler, and hot guys getting wet for $250 in cash and prizes. The best thing is it’s only $1 for well drinks. How can you beat that?

The long-running, irreverent off-Broadway show Forbidden Broadway has found its way to the Theatre in Old Town. This updated version pokes fun at everything from old favorites like Annie and Chicago to new Broadway fare like The Pajama Game and Spamalot. The cast of four plays dozens of roles, which involves quick multiple costume changes. Valerie Fagan is outstanding as Ethel Merman, and the lovable Jared Bradshaw is darling as the metrosexual Hugh Jackman. Kevin McGlynn is on point as Robert Goulet, who is known to be drunk on stage and forgets his lines, and Jeanne Montano is fantastic as Yoko Ono, the woman who “destroyed” the Beatles. No ego is spared as the cast picks on Broadway’s biggest stars, such as Harry Connick Jr. and Sarah Brightman (with the annoyingly screeching voice). This fast-paced musical revue is a toast to the genius of creator/writer/director Gerard Alessandrini. There were very clever spoofs of Fosse’s “moves” in Chicago and Harvey Fierstein playing Edna Turnblad (Hairspray) playing Teyve (Fiddler on the Roof). One of the best segments has to be the feuding duet between Chita Rivera and Rita Moreno. One originated the stage version of Maria in West Side Story, while the other starred in the movie version and went on to win the Oscar. Can you tell which is which? If you have never seen Forbidden Broadway, rush on down for a crash course in famous Broadway musicals – with a twist. The show runs until June 11. For tickets, call (619) 688-2494 or visit www.theatreinoldtown.com.

Over 200 people showed up at The Center for their Cinco de Mayo event, which is produced annually by Carlos Silva and his friends. There was traditional Mexican food like enchiladas and tamales, a bar provided by Bacchus House, a silent auction and a stage show that featured traditional Latin dancers. The evening culminated with the selection of the Mr., Miss and Ms. Cinco de Mayo: Tim Pablo, Michelle Masters and Rachel Perez, respectively. This was a festive congregation of various segments of our community, including drag kings and queens, leather folk, families and even the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. All of them came not only to celebrate but to raise in excess of $2,500 for the Queen Eddie Conlon Youth Fund and Young Positives.

The 14th annual drag pageant is scheduled for Saturday, May 27, at 7:00 p.m. sharp at The Center. This is one of the more serious drag pageants in San Diego, produced by Franceska, and draws an outstanding group of contestants. Contestants will be judged in three categories: national costume, evening gown and talent. The reigning Miss International, Coral Jones, will be stepping down that evening. There is a $10 cover charge, with part of the proceeds benefiting AIDS organizations in Tijuana. Contestants are welcome, and applications are available by calling Franceska at (619) 294-8430. Be prepared to be entertained at this glittering show.

This past Sunday, I hosted an intimate event at Martinis Above Fourth to raise some money for their softball team’s travel fund. Friends of the team and teams from other sports, including flag football teams, came in support of their comrades on the field. Five members of the Martini Stars offered themselves to go on a date, such as having cocktails at Martinis, dinner at Ono Sushi or L.E.I., drag racing or a personal fitness training session. The team members even served as wait staff during brunch, and the bottomless mimosas got everyone in generous bidding mode. I’ve never really hosted an auction before, but ended up having such a great time showing off the boys – in and out of their uniforms. By the end of the day, we raised over $1,600, and the team gets to travel to a tournament out of town. I just love my boys in uniform!

The 15th annual Mama’s Kitchen fund-raiser, titled “Mama Mia! What a Heart!” this year, will kick off Friday, May 12, at 6:30 p.m. at the Hyatt Regency La Jolla at Aventine. Over 65 chefs from top San Diego restaurants will be offering samples of their cuisine. I’ve been fasting for days in anticipation. Call (619) 233-6262 for tickets.

National Asian and Pacific Islander HIV/AIDS Awareness Day is set for Friday, May 19. Sponsored by the Asian Pacific Islander Community AIDS Project (APICAP), the daylong informational meeting will focus on the impact and challenges of HIV/AIDS in San Diego and formulate solutions and action steps needed to continue our fight against this disease. The open house will take place at 4776 El Cajon Blvd., Ste. 205 starting at 11:00 a.m., and will feature presentations and a Q&A session, along with light refreshments. Call (619) 229-2822 for more information.

The San Diego leather Daddy and boy contest, boyfest, is scheduled for May 19-21. A meet and greet begins at 8:30 p.m. on Friday, May 19, at the Eagle. The actual contest takes place at 6:30 p.m. on Saturday, May 20, at Numbers, and a victory brunch begins at 10:30 a.m. on Sunday, May 21, at Baja Betty’s. Daddy Don and boy joe will be relinquishing their titles.

Hungry for Lumberjacks? A reminder that the Lumberjack Grille, located at 3949 Ohio St., is open for late-night dining until 2:00 a.m. My friend Mike and his crew also tell me that their outdoor patio dining area, where smoking is permitted, is now open. Lumberjack Grille is known for their home-style, man-size meals. But girlie men and ladies are welcome, too. Just one of our always-dependable, comfy places to dine.