Cruz is up, Simon is out, and the Arnold is somewhere out there. The recall election in October gets more bizarre with each passing day. The latest LA Times Poll (last weekend) shows that only 50 percent of those polled support the recall, down from 58 percent just two days before in another poll. Governor Davis, while still stomping the NO on Recall campaign, seems to be warming to Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante as a good alternative. Cruz is also 13 percent higher than the action doll Arnold in the same poll. Poor Arnold, his following seems to diminish each day as he opens his mouth and says something, or even nothing. The company he keeps also seems to be turning more people off. And while Sen. McClintock’s support is only in the single digits, his ultra conservative views are the ones we should worry about. Which leaves Peter Ueberroth as the only other good possibility, other than Bustamante. He is moderate and is a good businessman, and his outstanding management of the LA Olympics set a higher standard for future Olympics.

What we have to remind ourselves of though, is that no matter who wins, we are in for even harder times. On top of an already outrageous deficit, the continuing bad economy and the high cost of fuel and energy, who do you think is paying for this recall election, which will cost us in excess of $50 million? I say we make Sen. Issa and everyone who signed the original petition foot the bill. This recall election is a bad precedent. It makes our democratic election system fall to the whims of the idle rich who throw tantrums because they do not like who’s sitting in office. It encourages a political party to circumvent the will of the people, not only to undermine the administration but also to move themselves into positions of power because they can afford to.

Today’s target is Gov. Davis, yesterday it was President Clinton. Maybe we should start a petition to recall Baby Bush from the White House. I personally think that he is more responsible for the grave situation we’re all in today than all of the governors in all the 50 states combined. That is if we can get him away from fighting his father’s war, even for a minute, to see what a sad state these United States are in today.

BTW: I received five calls from readers wondering if I recently had breast implants since I looked so voluptuous in my “Coco for Governor” campaign column. I would like to assure you that I’m still as flat as Twiggy, and the photo was not retouched at all. Credit goes to good makeup and good lighting. Oh, and a good photographer helps, too.

What is it with gay men and TV reality shows? It started when Richard Hatch bared it all on national TV and went on to win the million dollars on the first “Survivor.” He was one the those gay men America loved to hate, yet he survived and got his 15 minutes of fame. Since then there have been so many other gay men on TV reality shows that it seems network TV has become the new frontier for queerdom. There’s Clay (yup, everyone’s gay “American Idol”), who seems to be off the radar screen these days, except that his first album will hit stores Oct. 14 — a month before Ruben Studdard. Bravo’s two hit shows “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and “Boy Meets Boy” are just screaming homo. In fact, Wes from the “Boy” show is not only pretty, he is a prize catch who used to work at our very own Center. But the most amazing new TV gay poster couple has to be Reichen and Chip, who last week won “The Amazing Race” on CBS.

Reichen Lehmkuhl (you don’t make up names like this) and Chip Arndt won the $1 million prize after crossing 4 continents, traipsing through 24 cities, and pounding 44,000 miles. The gay couple beat 11 other pairs, no doubt based on my constant advice of “good, sensible shoes.” Reichen, a former Air Force officer, commented, “ … people perceive all gay people to be queeny and effeminate, but I want other people to look at us and see strong, prepared …” Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Lehmkuhl, what’s wrong with being queeny and effeminate? Perhaps you better look at your inner self and examine this homo-loathing that you think is so macho, because I bet if you had to cross the finish line in heels, you’d be flat on your face — or your stomach if that is your preferred position! Okay, he’s cute, not very smart, and I’ll give him a break, especially since he redeemed himself and said, “The race was about showing the world that gay people can do anything.… The most important thing I learned is that I’m very loved by my partner, and I can feel safe, happy and protected when I’m around him.” How sweet!

Talk about double rejection! After being eliminated from “Boy Meets Boy,” Michael “Jason” Tiner received his double whammy from the Navy for violating its “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for coming out as gay on the TV reality show. Jason, a 26-year-old Combat System Instructor from Mississippi, says he was “ready to face the consequences” when he decided to join the show. He received an honorable discharge.

This is becoming a broken record. It has been 10 years since “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” and yet we are still settling for a poor second place. In hindsight, should we have leaned on Clinton more when he reneged on the promise? And was Sen. Barney Frank’s compromise plan such a good idea after all? The fact is, “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is a sheer curtain the Armed Forces hides behind to shut us up. And we allowed it to happen. Every day, more and more of our brothers and sisters in the military are systematically booted out. They don’t even have to ask, and you don’t even have to tell.

So today, I urge you all to send a check to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network in D.C. and support the efforts of our local American Veterans for Equal Rights (AVERS). Log on to www.sldn.org or www.lifttheban.org.

The fabulous Fifi celebrated her birthday Aug. 22 with a show at Brass Rail benefiting MCC Building Fund. She refuses to tell me how old she is.

ACE Hillcrest Hardware all around nice guys Bruce Reeves and Jim Case celebrated their 40th birthdays this month.

Newly elected Empress XXXII Cristina Monet turned Five-O Aug. 16 with a fully packed show at the Hole, also for MCC. Oh my God, my sister is getting so old it’s a good thing she’s still pretty and supple.

If you haven’t figured out where to go this weekend, hold my hand and follow me.

It’s ‘Beach Party’ time at Bacchus House on Friday, Aug. 29, with tropical shots specials all night. Saturday is show-off night, where your natural — or even salon — tan line can win you prizes up to $250 smackers. Think of all the friends you’ll make by buying everyone drinks with your prize money.

It’s S.O.S. (Saturday-On-Sunday) at Numbers on Sunday, Aug. 31, $4 LIT (Long Island Tea) will get you hip-hopping in the Video Bar, while DJ Kenny Reimund spins the hits on the main floor.

Bourbon Street is starting early with the “Boom” party tonite, Thursday Aug. 28, with free Boom — a natural sexual energy supplement — sample giveaways and $1 off on all VOXX vodka drinks. With that Voxx and Boom combination, I shall be waiting by the exit door at closing to take happy guys home with me. 9 is the magic number on Saturday nites, with hot go-go boys and a shot bar and Blue Velvet. Will they turn me away because I’m a 10? Monday, Sept. 1 is the ninth Annual Bourbon Street Luau, the mother of all Luaus, with a roasted suckling pig (the other white meat, not your pig bottom boyfriend) and Mai Tais. Pork Rules!

Flick’s Wet Underwear Contest on Saturday Aug. 30 is giving away $500 to the winner. You all know where I’m going to be at 11:00 p.m.

After this weekend, I am declaring Tuesday, Sept. 2 a rest day for all. Remember to re-hydrate your system and exfoliate. Well, kiddos, I shall be off to NYC for a few days so I will be reporting from there next time. As Ahhh-Nold would say, “I’ll be back.”