Hello, San Diego! Your hostess with the mostess has finally moved to the City of Angels, Los Angeles. If you have not moved in awhile, don’t! Stay put. You don’t realize how much you have accumulated until you have to pack. And to think I only had a studio in Hillcrest and had been there for less than four years!

Los Angeles is a big city. Well, more like spread apart. And the traffic is horrendous. If you think parking is tough in San Diego, you can forget about free parking in L.A. I made the mistake of not reading street signs more carefully (there can be up to three different signs on the same block) and got my first parking ticket – ever! And every place you go has valet parking, even the local tranny bar.

So have I met any stars since moving, you ask? Well, not really. Work has been really busy and because I don’t know very many people here, my social life is next to zero. I did see Jay from “America’s Next Top Model” filming on Robertson near Beverly, “Last Comic Standing” host Anthony Plank sat at the table next to me at the Benvenuto restaurant in West Hollywood and I saw Nina Hagen shooting a segment for her reality show at a local bar. I guess I’m on the same D list as Kathy Griffin.

I’ve been to a few fun events in town. The Imperial Court of Hollywood/Los Angeles held a “Best Hollywood Impersonator” contest at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center. There were some great contestants who impersonated Michael Jackson, Madonna, Whitney Houston (the early years), Liza Minnelli and Diana Ross. And the best of all was San Diego’s own Justice Page (from LIPS) as Tina Turner in her show-stopping number “Proud Mary.” Speaking of LIPS, they are scheduled to reopen this weekend at their new location on El Cajon Boulevard at the corner of Ohio Street.

The week before, I was asked to judge the Best Exotic Dancer Contest, sponsored by A Company of Friends, which is headed by my friend Lito Torres, who produces shows that benefit GLBT organizations. Every one of the 10 guys was more hunky than the one before. In the end, Rocky emerged victorious. Since I am a caring and sharing queen, here’s Rocky’s picture. And just to show you how much I love you all, you can see Rocky in his full glory in All World’s Video’s Me, Myself and I. The title says it all.

Mickey’s on Santa Monica Boulevard is one of the busiest and most fun places to hang out in West Hollywood. And I had the chance to host their “Cocktail With the Stars” for two weeks recently. It is actually a cocktail party with porn stars that takes place Thursdays from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. My guests were Rascal Video new exclusive Cole Ryder, Kamrun and Lex Sabre. Mickey’s has some really hot bartenders, like Jason, Keith and Andy, who is formerly from San Diego.

Mickey’s also has a drag talent night on Sundays, and the irreverent Jackie Beat hosts her own drag show on the last Sunday of each month.

One of the best kept secrets in WeHo has to be “Dirty Deeds” every Wednesday night at Fubar, which is located near Crescent Heights. The fabulous porn diva and DJ Chi Chi LaRue hosts this evening of great music and hot boys who – what else? – do dirty deeds. Recent guests include Falcon exclusive Roman Heart, Adonis exclusive Damon Phoenix and porn star and dance music recording artist Frederick Ford, who wowed the audience with a huge mouthful. Be sure to check out the lounge behind the curtain.

My best gal pal, Edith, drove up to Los Angeles to take me out to dinner for my birthday at the fancy La Boheme restaurant in West Hollywood. In true Hollywood fashion, John O’Hurley walked in and sat at a table nearby. You may remember him from “Seinfeld” and the first “Dancing With the Stars” on ABC. The next week, my friend Allan took me to the ultra chic Ivy restaurant on La Cienega, also favorite haunt for celebrities. I had the best fried chicken for $28, and I’ll never go back to KFC. Speaking of restaurants, the Red Pearl Asian-fusion restaurant in downtown San Diego just opened a branch in Los Angeles, on trendy Melrose Avenue and Citrus, two blocks from my new office. The cool interior is whorehouse-red Asian contemporary and the food is just as good. Chef Jason Marcus came up to La La Land to help open the restaurant. This is definitely one of the “in” places on Melrose.

A couple of weekends ago, the annual Gay Erotic Expo was held at the L.A. Convention Center. The same weekend, there was a church convention at the same place. Talk about irony. Brendan from Martin and Wall, that fab men’s wear store on University Avenue near First, brought his collection of club and beach wear to the show, including some really hot Rufskin underwear. There were also many familiar San Diegans who drove up for the show, many of whom went partying with me at The Faultline, a fun bar in Silver Lake, for the after-party hosted by Channel 1 Releasing.

Since moving to Los Angeles almost two months ago, I’ve been back to San Diego many times to see friends, like my older sister Cristina Monet. I also hosted Freshmen magazine’s 15th anniversary San Diego party at Bacchus House, which was produced by Rob Reimer of Club Channel 1. The special guests that night were the men from straightcollegemen.com , and they were hot. Now, the straight part is questionable, considering the nasty things these guys would do on camera – for a price, of course. But what I really want to know is what colleges do they go to? But who really cares? Check them out at 2scm.com .

My main reason for coming back to San Diego was a side trip to the San Diego Cosmetic Laser “spa” at 5555 Alvarado Dr. to see my friend Dr. Parvin Mani. Dr. Mani is the only one I trust to touch up the annoying fine lines that creep up on my face without my approval and restore me to my ever-youthful self. The procedure takes less than five minutes and is really easy and painless. Just a few stings in strategic spots and in a couple of days you see instant results. The best part is there are no scars or bruising, and the procedure is relatively inexpensive. Dr. Mani charges by the units of Botox she applies, rather than by the area it’s applied, so you pay only for what you receive. For those of you who may not be ready for more invasive plastic surgery, I highly recommend this procedure and my new best friend, Dr. Mani.

This Saturday, Oct. 7, don’t miss the fifth annual “Turnabout” show at Bacchus House, which I will be hosting as a benefit for The Center and which will feature DJ Jon Williams. This is a really fun show, as the entire bar staff does drag and performs for tips. Now, some of them are seriously scary (it’s a good thing they only do this once a year!) but others are seriously beautiful. Most of them will have serious bunions from the outrageous heels they wear. But what the hell, it’s all in good fun and for a good cause. It’s a show not to be missed.

I will be back in town on Thursday, Oct. 26, for a special Halloween It’s Raining Men wet underwear contest at Bacchus House, and my special guest will be Adonis exclusive Damon Phoenix, a hot young porn puppy with the sweetest face and a scrumptious bubble butt. Please come by and see me.

And with that, let me bid adieu. To all the boys, especially my favorite friends from Camp Pendleton, you know where to find me. You can also e-mail me at editor@uptownpub.com.