Next week is the midterm elections, and nothing else is more important than going out and exercising your right to vote. Despite all the polls showing that the Democrats are likely to take back the House and the Senate, please do not be complacent. It can only be to our advantage to win by a huge margin to send a strong message to this administration that the course they are taking is the wrong one. Make Mama proud!

This sure was a busy Halloween weekend for me. I came down from Los Angeles to host my monthly It’s Raining Men wet underwear contest at Bacchus House and I brought along the most delicious porn puppy, Adonis Pictures’ Damon Phoenix, who wowed the audience with his, ahem, charm and the most succulent buns I’ve ever seen. So if you missed the show, Mama has a picture to share.

I had the pleasure of being one of the judges again at Nightmare on Normal Street. This outdoor event produced by The Center is one of the most fun Halloween events that I look forward to each year. Empress Nicole hosted the costume contest as only she can. There were quite a few exceptional creations, plus the garden-variety Party City costumes-in-a-bag. Some notable costumes included one man dressed in all five roles of the Village People, and the perennial Fashionistas were back with their black vinyl fetish fashion from head to toe. The winners were the Ghoulish Waiters, who carried little dolls in serving trays with bellies cut out and filled with salsa, surrounded by tortilla chips. Very creative, but very sick queens!

Immediately after the contest, I had to take off my towering wig in order to fit in the car, and had to drive bald in my friend Edith’s T-bird. Only on Halloween would you ever catch me driving around without my coif. I arrived at Martinis Above Fourth just in time to judge the costume contest. One of the top prizes went to Ms. Kara, who was decked in a teal body suit and a 6-foot-wide peacock tail that she fashioned herself. Thank god peacocks are not an endangered species! But the hits of the evening were the gorgeous, scantily clad young men who frequent this swanky joint. I admit that I was drooling all night for Todd, who is also on the Martinis staff.

With an extra hour to enjoy, I made a last pit stop to say hello to Brian at SRO, where every tranny and my sister Cristina Monet end up for last call and a game of pool. And if you’re lucky, you’ll snag the occasional Marine who wanders in. I called it a night just as the fog was rolling in from the bay, which made the evening all so mysteriously magical.

But wait, it’s not even Halloween yet. I was back to L.A. for the biggest Halloween celebration in the whole US of A, produced by the city of West Hollywood. For weeks, my friend Candy and I had been strategizing on where the best place to park would be so we wouldn’t have to hitch a ride home. Not that the attraction of actually getting picked up on Santa Monica Boulevard has not crossed our minds, but the smart little tranny voice told us this was one night it would be better to be safe than sorry. Santa Monica Boulevard, from La Cienega to Doheny (about a mile long), was closed to traffic for the estimated half million people. There were several stages set up and entertainment galore, including Tiffany and (ugh) Kevin Federline, and the most outrageous costumes – or lack thereof – I have ever seen. The crowd was sometimes unbearably uncomfortable; it felt like Times Square on New Year’s Eve. My poor feet finally gave up by midnight, and we found our way back to our lovely parked cars and called it a night.

I took one of my quickie trips home to N.Y.C., and it never ceases to amaze me that something new and exciting is always going on. First is the news that, after 15 years, my friend Brian, owner of best N.Y.C. bar of all time, SBNY (Splash Bar), has decided to retire from the bar business, start a new chapter in his life and live more leisurely. Splash will be taken over by the current management, and my friend Aaron Tanner has returned to promote their very hot Saturday night party.

The historic Stonewall Inn has finally closed its doors. The reincarnation lasted almost 10 years, but it never really developed into the legend of its predecessor. The bar was straight-owned and consistently plagued by problems, and just simply faded into oblivion – its name being its only claim to fame as the original location of the Stonewall Riots. Despite its failure and demise, I am saddened to see that the Stonewall Inn has closed its doors.

Many other bars have sprung up in New York, as the city continues to crack down on illicit drugs and serving alcohol after hours at gay clubs. The city has also managed in the last few years to close down every tranny bar. A new bar called Mr. Black opened recently on Broadway and Bleecker. Mr. Black is an expensive lounge bar with lap dancers and boys you might otherwise find at rentoboy.com. Not that I would know anything about that. I just hope they’re still around the next time I go home for the holidays.

The new buzz on Broadway is A Chorus Line. I hate to admit that I saw the original production many years back.

Also coming is the new stage production of Mary Poppins. I, for one, will probably skip the chance to hear “Just a Spoonful of Sugar.”

I also heard from my friend in London, Peter Thompson, that the Sound of Music playing in the West End is actually quite enjoyable.

Where, oh where, are the new, original productions? Which is why I’m so looking forward to It’s a Fabulous Life coming to Diversionary Theatre.

But a trip to New York just isn’t complete without catching a show, so I got tickets to see an off-Broadway play by the author of The Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler. The Treatment, which stars Dylan McDermott, who you might remember from his stint on the TV show “The Practice.” The Treatment is about an Iraq war veteran seeking help and redemption from a military psychiatrist. The play is a searing exploration of torture and accountability, and Mr. McDermott gives a powerful performance involving the horrors of war and the emotional and psychological toll it takes on our soldiers. Of course, the fact that Mr. McDermott is a hunk and he strips down to his tighty whities in the play made me love the play even more. OK, so sue me for enjoying his nakedness on stage.

And while on the subject of nakedness, the off-Broadway show The Little Dog Laughed that I wrote about many months ago is Broadway bound. The play, written by Douglas Carter Beane (who also wrote As Bees in Honey Drown and To Wong Foo, the movie that launched my Hollywood career), is about a sexually confused movie idol and the rent boy who loves him. Kind of like the Clay Aiken story. The hustler is played by Johnny Galecki, who was the boyfriend of Roseanne’s TV daughter. I am happy to report that Johnny will be reprising his role on Broadway, and he strips naked to expose his very impressive manhood. Did you notice the nice segue?

I am looking forward to coming back to town for the APICAP gala on Saturday, Nov. 18, at the Westin Horton Plaza. If you haven’t bought tickets yet, I implore you to support this agency that provides very essential HIV/AIDS services to the Asian and Pacific Islander community. Call (619) 757-0197 for tickets.

It seems the happening place for restaurants is shifting to University Avenue near Baja Betty’s. With Lucky Buck’s successful opening recently, I am also looking forward to the opening of Bite, a tapas bar restaurant from Chef Chris Walsh, who won us over at his former restaurant, Café W.

But did you know that very shortly, Phil’s BBQ will be opening a huge restaurant on Sport Arena Boulevard right near Red Lobster? I have given notice to all my friends that they are welcome to visit me anytime, as long as they bring me a take-out bag from Phil’s.

Now that I’m hungry, it is time to say goodbye. See you in a few weeks. But you can always e-mail me at editor@uptownpub.com.