On any given night in San Diego, there are thousands of local gay and bi guys online or out at bars. We can window shop ’til we drop, trying on all sizes and colors, without feeling forced to “buy.” Yet commitment is lurking at every corner, and has been known to entrap even the most hardened of hos. So to ensure a commitment-free shopping experience, I offer this five-step guide:

Each time you see a cutie online, say: “Hey, what are you up to?” This is the perfect non-committal line.

If you do hookup, just get an address or offer yours, but don’t give out your phone number. (Otherwise, he’ll find out that you don’t really sound as “straight-acting” as you say you are – or vice versa – and you could ruin your chances.) When you meet up, keep the lights low so that neither of you are disappointed, proceed directly to the bedroom, keep your voice as butch and monotone as possible and say adios as soon as you’re done. Don’t ever stay the night!

If the same guy messages again, tell him you’ve been busy and change the topic. In the meantime, keep cruising A4A, Gay.com or Manhunt to check out all of your other options.

Success? Fantastic! You came, conquered and can move on. If the same guy messages again, tell him you’ve been busy and change the topic. In the meantime, keep cruising A4A, Gay.com or Manhunt to check out all of your other options.

Failed? Proceed to step two…

If you swapped numbers on impulse, wait for him to call first. If he’s as flaky as everyone, you’ll never hear from him. But if you end up chatting or meeting again, be sure to keep the conversations to a few minutes, and keep it purely physical. Anything else – coffee, a movie, whatever – will require long conversations and getting to know each other. And that, my friend, can kill the excitement as fast as cocaine killed Whitney’s career!

Success? Great! You can spend your free time doing what’s really important – checking out more guys online because the grass is always greener…

Failed? Proceed to step three…

Yikes, so you’re talking more than once a week or hanging out for more than sex. Well, you can never have too many friends, or “friends with benefits” if that’s your thing. The trick is to keep it at that! To navigate such dangerous waters, you’ll need to keep a steady lookout for signs of getting too serious: Do your out-of-bed touches and kisses last more than a second? Are you calling every day or hanging out more than twice a week? Are you already calling each other by nicknames?

If you’ve answered yes to any of the above, turn that ship around, boy, before you get blown into the Boyfriend Bermuda Triangle! It may sound cold, but suddenly stop calling or e-mailing for a few weeks. When he asks what’s going on, just say you’ve been busy. You can hang out again, but only with other friends.

Success? Congratulations! Once you’ve mastered the art of keeping friendships and avoiding drama, you can be happily single for the rest of your life.

Failed? Proceed to step four…

Damn – now you have feelings for each other, but that C-word is scary! At this point, you’ll have to reveal your fear of commitment and risk hurting his feelings. Of course, it’s best to tell him in person, but depending on how close you’ve become, you may be able to get away with a call or e-mail. Hopefully he’ll understand, but be prepared that he might be angry and may never want to see you again. Some guys just can’t stop at step three. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Success? You rock! Once you’ve mastered the art of breaking up with someone with your integrity intact, you’ll be indestructible. If you come out with any battle scars, you may want to lay low for a while.

Failed? Proceed to step five…

OK, if you’ve made it this far and didn’t follow any of my advice in steps one through four, why the hell are you reading this column? We all wish you and your adorable boyfriend the best (even though we’re all secretly envious).