With Father’s Day approaching and with the recent addition of Family Matters as a program of The Center, I’ve been thinking a lot about GBT men who are dads.

I have been fortunate to know some of these men – many of whom thought they’d have to give up fatherhood when they came out – and watching them on their journey to becoming dads has been a great experience.

We’re at a moment in time where the demographics are rapidly changing, and more and more gay men are choosing parenthood. Studies have consistently shown that men parent differently, and some assumed those differences meant “not as well as women.” But gay fathers help to challenge the conventional wisdom about what good parenting looks like.

Men bring vital skills and strengths to parenting. Some of those skills and strengths are generally different than those that women bring to bear, but they certainly aren’t less than. Parenting research tells us that men are more likely to allow their kids to take risks, which can help build confidence in their children. Children who are parented by actively engaged fathers are more independent, show more initiative, are more likely to engage in active problem solving, more resilient and often more physically active. Dads are more likely to choose their battles with their children more carefully, and are more likely to create an environment where the needs of the couple for time and space are honored.

LGBT parents have often had to find a different paradigm for how we parent their children – challenging some traditions, embracing others and doing the best we can for our children. As I watch our community parent – although we certainly don’t all do it the same way – I have one overwhelming thought: That fundamentally – no matter our income, race, level of family support, education, gender or any other factor – our children benefit because we have tried so hard and planned so carefully to be parents. Almost all credible social science research on kids with LGBT parents confirms the notion that our kids feel more secure because they are so clearly wanted and loved.

The truth is that the challenges and joys of parenthood cross over gender and sexual orientation. The struggle to calm a 2-year-old child throwing a tantrum in the store is the same for all parents. However, I am also keenly aware that LGBT parents face their obligations as parents without full and equal legal rights and responsibilities.

As I watch GBT men struggle with squirming babies or manage precocious teenagers, I have a sense of real pride. I know they can do this and do it well, in spite of a society that often sends them a different message – whether through laws that would prohibit them from being foster or adoptive parents or through individuals who make unsolicited comments to them (when their children are in tow) about their parenting.

To all of them, for all they do, I am honored to wish them a happy Father’s Day!

For more information about Family Matters at The Center, call 619-692-2077, ext. 121, or mbair@thecentersd.org.