When I was a little boy (yes, I can remember back that far), a “Schoolhouse Rock!” song led me to believe that “Three is a Magic Number.” As a gay man (notice I didn’t say adult), I came to realize that, actually, four is really the magic number. And before your mind drifts into the gutter, I am speaking in terms of female television characters the gays have come to cherish – they all seem to travel in fours.

The “Golden Girls” started the trend, proving age was just a number.

When the women-of-a-certain-age comedy became must-she TV, it layed out the prototype for subsequent shows revolving around four female characters who were, in turn, outspoken, promiscuous, sharp-tongued and naïve.

The following year, with that blueprint firmly in place, “Designing Women” carved its own niche in the annals (I said annals!) of television comedy.

Years later, a group of “Desperate Housewives” filled a 9 p.m. Sunday time slot on ABC, and attempted to fill the void left by four New Yorkers and a little show called “Sex and the City.” Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Miranda Hobbes, and Charlotte York were the penultimate foursome for women and gay men, and now they are returning (it is so hard to type and clap at the same time!).

May 30 should be a national gay holiday, as Sex and the City, leaps from the small screen to the big screen – a feat almost as big as the flower Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is seen sporting in the trailer! Why is that jump from small to large such a big deal?

Well, considering very few television shows ever get the film treatment (save for “The X-Files,” back in 1998 while the show was still on the air), most TV shows made into full-length features are made years later in the form of updates/parodies of their original small screen counterparts, with cameos from the stars of the original projects.

Thank god we didn’t have wait to see Dakota Fanning, circa 2027, trying to fill Carrie’s Manolo Blahniks, with the fabulous SJP doing a cameo as “Grandma.”

After six seasons and countless plot lines, I can’t help but wonder: what avenues are left for Carrie and Co. to strut down?

SPOILER ALERT! Gee, like the trailer isn’t one big spoiler! The big (pun intended) crux of the movie revolves around Carrie marrying Mr. Big (Chris Noth), whose real name is John James Preston.

Charlotte (Kristin Davis) is finally with child, Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) gets cheated on by Steve (David Eigenberg), and Samantha (Kim Cattrall) is still a man eater with a biting wit. Dreamgirls Jennifer Hudson is also on board as Louise, Carrie’s assistant.

So, after four years away from the quartet, and Cattrall’s much publicized hold out on doing the movie, we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief, and raise a cosmopolitan to the heavens to celebrate the fact we have the chance to catch up with the fab four.

Call it coincidental or a cheap way to cash in on the upcoming flick – but did you hear about the new “Sarah Jessica Porkher” blow-up doll?

Well, if you haven’t, and you have a mere $20 to blow, you can purchase this X-rated version of Sarah Jessica Parker. According to the box, she loves “Big,” has “three fabulous love holes” to choose from, and, ahem, “loves sex in her sh*tty,” which explains the extra love hole. By the way, suck on that, Maxim magazine, for naming SJP “the unsexiest woman alive!” They don’t make a blow up doll of just anybody … so there! Wait a minute! Is that really a compliment?

That got me thinking about ways that the movie will be handled, via the merchandising blitz that accompanies most films.

I was surprised that Kim Cattrall’s Samantha wasn’t tapped as a blow-up doll. Then again, it would need so many holes in it to satiate Samantha’s sexual wants it would be a plastic pincushion.

Perhaps, instead, studios could do a tie-in with Sara Lee and do a Samantha Jones Pound Cake? On the opposite end of the spectrum, Kristin Davis’ Charlotte would make for a delightful angel food cake tie-in.

Sometimes, hamburger chains do movie tie-ins – and who wouldn’t want to chow down on a Cynthia Nixon fish filet sandwich? I know – it’s wrong, but so right.

I am excited to see what quotes from the upcoming movie I can utilize in everyday conversation. The television show gave me plenty of verbal ammunition.

What did we learn through the dialogue on “Sex and the City”?

Well, for starters, SJP had a bevy of them, such as “a squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit,” and “if you’re tired you take a ‘nappa,’ you don’t move to Napa.” After I recently moved (not to Napa) and found one half-empty bottle of lotion, I wondered if I was “some sort of crazy bag man,” like Carrie accused Aidan of being, regarding his penchant for holding on to partially used Speed Stick deodorants.

I will never look at French fries the same way again, always mindful of Miranda’s suggestion when Charlotte professed to suffering from vulvadinia (a depressed vagina), that maybe her “hmmm hmmm would like an order of fries?”

Whenever I wander into a bookstore, I always call out, “Travel! Travel?” if I stumble into the self-help aisle, or “self-hell” aisle, as it became known for Charlotte.

But, the biggest lesson through “Sex,” of course comes from Samantha with her proclamation: “I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want, as long as I can breathe and kneel.” Amen, sister!

If not for Sarah Jessica Parker’s portrayal of a columnist on “Sex and the City,” perhaps I would not have been inspired to finally take the leap and write a column of my own. Please don’t send her any hate mail, it’s not her fault!

As the old saying goes, “write what you know,” but since I didn’t want to step on Carrie’s toes, I decided I should, instead, write about pop culture.

As a matter of fact, my very first “Gaywatch” was all about what the gals of “Sex and the City” had been up to career-wise and if the movie would ever see the light of day.

And, now that day has come, and there is already talk of a sequel or possible trilogy.

If the powers-that-be at HBO Films were smart, they’d film the movies back-to-back (like the Lord of the Rings movies, but with better accessories), just to ensure that all four cast members were involved, and that they wouldn’t be drinking Prune-tinis instead of cosmos by the time they got around to the rest of the films. I’m just sayin’! Until next time, that’s all the news that’s fit to print!