Fall films are getting into the swing of things. Moviegoers are faced with the last of the summer carryovers (star vehicles and remakes), but there’s plenty on the horizon October through December.

Burn After Reading, the new Coen Brothers movie has star power up the wazoo, but why did one of the stars have to be George Clooney (faithful readers know I’ve made it no secret as to my disdain for all things Clooney)? I’m particularly annoyed because I love Frances McDormand, and Brad Pitt is looking especially hot in the movie, too. Damn you, Clooney!

While I am all for girl power and because I despise the fact women older than a certain age have a tough time securing roles in movies, I am not sure a remake of The Women was a good project. But, it is nice to see Meg Ryan’s new face has settled down a bit.

From author Nicholas Sparks’ novel Nights in Rodanthe comes the film of the same name (that was clever of the filmmakers!) and the onscreen re-teaming of Diane Lane and Richard Gere. OK, I’ll admit it, there is emotion brewing inside of me – really! It even surfaced during Sparks’ page-to-screen tearjerker, The Notebook.

Two limited release movies have interesting premises. The Amazing Truth About Queen Raquela features a storyline revolving around a “ladyboy,” which refers to a transsexual who dreams of a life in Paris. For the record, “ladyboy” is not a term I made up – it’s in the film’s official description. Besides, I thought “ladyboy” was a recliner – oh, that’s a La-Z-Boy!

The film is set to play in New York and Los Angeles, while Choke has a more non-descript limited release, and features one kooky plot!

It has to do with a sexually compulsive man (Sam Rockwell) with an insane mother (Anjelica Huston), who loves to feign choking in posh restaurants, and then feeds off the rich patrons who save his life, like a leech. I can’t wait for the sequel, Gag Reflex.

While these two movies are not on every marquee, Blindness is opening wider than a bottom at a sex party (say ahh!). It stars Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore as a husband and wife caught up in a world that has suddenly become sightless. A frightening premise, but that phenomenon could come in handy come 2 a.m. at the bars, when the lights come up.

Shia LaBeouf headlines a new action/adventure, Eagle Eye – good thing he knows how to maneuver a vehicle in dicey situations!

Beverly Hills Chihuahua is not going to be the next in the Beverly Hills Cop series (yes, there will be another one), but it does delve into territory Eddie Murphy is familiar with – voice-over work for kiddy fare. Anyhoo, B.H.C., a Disney live-action pic features famous voices (Drew Barrymore and George Lopez), and famous faces, including Jamie Lee Curtis. Hey, she can’t do a movie! Who is gonna tell me, via a TV commercial, to eat Activia, the yogurt that makes you poo? That’s just great – now I’ll never know that fiber is so important!

British import Simon Pegg (Hot Fuzz) heads up How To Lose Friends & Alienate People, which has an all-star cast: “It Girl” Megan Fox (Transformers), Kirsten Dunst (the Spider-Man movies AND rehab), Jeff Bridges (he was the bald guy in Iron Man – I’m totally not kidding, it was him!), and even Gillian Anderson (who obviously got the job before the new X-Files movie tanked at the box office over the summer). Pegg plays a bridge-burning celebrity journalist – great, there goes another book idea!

Although Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist is about a couple of crazy kids (Michael Cera and Kat Dennings) who meet and travel through New York City in Nick’s Yugo, it does feature a gay subplot. Nick is the only straight guy in an all-gay band and has two gay best friends. Um, if they were really gay best friends, they wouldn’t let him drive a Yugo!

Rachel Getting Married is noteworthy for three reasons. First, it stars Anne Hathaway. Second, it co-stars Debra Winger – when was the last time you saw her in a movie? And third, it is directed by Jonathan Silence of the Lambs Demme. The movie revolves around an estranged daughter returning home for her sister’s wedding. I hope Demme doesn’t take a cue from his Oscar-winning Lambs, and have costume designers fashion a bridesmaids dress made out of the skin of a girl!

Hopefully, RocknRolla, a crime drama starring Gerald Butler (300) will regain some street cred for director Guy Ritchie (a.k.a. Mr. Madonna), and finally show the world who really wears the purple strap-on … I mean … pants in that marriage. Oh, I didn’t know Madonna was affiliated with this movie. Go figure!

Leonardo DiCaprio goes head-to-head with Russell Crowe (sounds naughty) in director Ridley Scott’s Body of Lies, regarding covert dealings within the CIA. This film captures the two leading men on film for the first time since the 1995 western The Quick and the Dead – hey, I always assumed the title was in reference to the career of its “star,” Sharon Stone.

The Express is the true-life story of the first black athlete, Ernie Davis (Rob Brown), to break barriers and win the Heisman Trophy. Wait a second! Isn’t that some sort of football term? I’ve been hoodwinked – what’s that you say? Dennis Quaid is playing the coach! OK, maybe I’ll give it a looksie – as I might just do on name value alone for Good Dick, which is only a romantic comedy. Drat!

Any gay worth his salt has been counting the days until Zac Efron bounds (or is it pirouettes?) from the small screen to the big screen for High School Musical 3: Senior Year, with co-star, Vanessa Hudgens. OMG! There are other people in the movie aside from Efron? He’s a dream!

And where does Angelina Jolie find the time? She popped out two kids and three movies this year alone, including The Changeling.

Since October and Halloween are synonymous, there are always chillers on the horizon.

The titular Quarantine refers to an unknown infection that wrecks havoc on an apartment building, and has nothing to do whatsoever regarding what should be done with anything residing in Amy Winehouse’s beehive.

Wow! There’s another Saw movie coming out this year, making it the fifth installment. Next!

Chace Crawford is listed as the star of The Haunting of Molly Hartley – must be cuz he’s so purty. Even the gays are getting into the act with The Gay Bed & Breakfast of Terror, which serves up a blend of camp and horror.

(For some retro scares, check out the horror movie program at The Birch North Park Theatre during October.)

By far, the most horrific film that has the jeepers factor well beyond October has to be Oliver Stone’s controversial biopic W. The film is based on the real-life of current president George W. Bush (tick tock, your time is almost up!) as played by Josh Brolin – way to get on your Democratic stepmother, Barbra Streisand’s good side. And I am not sure what Ellen Burstyn did wrong, but she is playing Barbara Bush – I just assumed they’d create something out of CGI for that role.

Want a helping of beefcake before Thanksgiving dinner? Then you are in luck!

Daniel Craig is back as Bond in Quantum of Solace – not really sold on that title; sounds like a celebrity rehab. This linear follow-up to Casino Royale sees Bond out for revenge and to uncover why his Bond girl in that flick did him wrong, aided by a new one, Camille (Olga Kurylenko). Whatever happened to the good old Bond days of femme fatales with names like Pussy Galore? On second thought …

Even though he’s residing in a post-apocalyptic world on The Road, a dirty Viggo Mortensen is better than no Viggo at all!

Transporter 3 has Jason Statham repeating his shoot-‘em-up-bang-bang formula from the previous two installments; although the tagline promises, “This time the rules are the same. Except one.” So, the producers did get my note about having Statham running around in the movie naked. Yay!

I guess Twilight’s Bella Swan’s (Kristen Stewart) biggest problem comes down to that age-old dilemma: spit or swallow. That is, if she wants to be considered a true, um, blood sucker, when she falls in love with vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson).

Phew, what a relief! Soul Men is not, I repeat, is not a sequel to 1986’s infamous Soul Man starring C. Thomas Howell, but on a sad note (not regarding C. Tommy’s state of unemployment), this is the film that stars the late Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes.

Oh boy! Another remake of a classic movie, and Hollywood, unfortunately, saw fit to have it star Keanu Reeves. 1951’s The Day The Earth Stood Still gets the special effects makeover, but sticks to the classic story about a benevolent alien visiting our planet to warn of impending danger – this time its environmental and not atomic. I was surprised Keanu is playing Klaatu, and not his robot, Gort, because he has about as much acting range as, well, a robot.

Only the box office receipts will tell if The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, starring Brad Pitt as a man aging backwards proves more successful than when “Mork & Mindy” tried that tact with Jonathan Winters as Mearth … it killed that show!

The enormously popular dog book, Marley & Me, gets the silver screen treatment with Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston (I am stumped; can’t really knock a dog movie or a post-suicidal Owen Wilson).

Scarlett Johannson headlines director Frank Miller’s (Sin City) newest flick, The Spirit, which is described as “a sinister, gut-wrenching ride,” whereas Sin City was more nut-wrenching (if you saw the movie, you know what scene I am referring to.)

There is but a smattering of the movies awaiting their full releases this fall, and will be coming soon to a theater near you. Yes, my mind would die outside of the gutter. Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print!