We have all heard – or been a part of – that great holiday tradition of putting the “fun” into “dysfunctional.” The questions from those over-interested family members about your love life, the “When are you getting married?” question. (And of course, depending on what state you live in, Nov. 2 may have put those nuptial plans on the back burner.) Conversely, there are the moments when you are asked that question and half of the room braces themselves, hoping you will just answer with the innocuous, “Not any time soon, Grandma.”

To avoid these moments, and all the countless others that have been played out over the years in families’ dining rooms at Thanksgiving, many members of the GLBT community are choosing their own traditions.

Many members of the GLBT community will continue their family traditions by traveling home for the holiday.

Clayton Jacobsen will be going home to his mother’s house. “I go home every year,” says Jacobsen. “It just wouldn’t be Thanksgiving any other way.”

For others, Thanksgiving is a time when volunteering comes back into our thoughts.

Teresa Raleigh says when she moved to San Diego three years ago, her first holiday away from home was Thanksgiving. Having grown up in a family devoted to volunteering, Raleigh contacted Volunteer San Diego and was put in contact with a number of food pantries and clearing houses.

“That’s how I found my Thanksgiving tradition,” explains Raleigh. “I grew up every year as a kid working down at our church’s soup kitchen on Thanksgiving. My mom would stay home and get dinner ready for us while my dad and my sisters and I went to church to help out.”

For Raleigh, though, spending time volunteering at a shelter has spread beyond the holidays.

“I think a lot of people just give their time at Thanksgiving and Christmas,” explains Raleigh. “I give thanks every day of the year, and the least I can do is acknowledge the needs of those less fortunate year round.”

Raleigh could spend the holiday at home in Burbank with her parents.

“It’s not that I wouldn’t be welcomed,” says Raleigh, “but I know I am needed here.”

Invariably, there will be a significant number of us who do not make that trek home for the holiday…even if that trek only includes a few exits north on the I-15. For some, it is a matter of choice. Spending time with our family is no longer our priority.

Throughout San Diego, groups of friends will gather with the traditional fixings of Thanksgiving – turkey, dressing, cranberries.

Loara Parker hosts her annual Thanksgiving dinner with the intent to make it as close to her guests’ memories as possible.

“Thanksgiving here at our house is supposed to be just like going home,” says Parker. “We are open to anyone that feels that they need family at this time. Our mission is to be open to anyone who may feel estranged.”

Parker’s home is set with all of the traditional Thanksgiving trappings.

“We all choose a dish to bring over,” explains Parker. “Everyone gets dressed up. The table is set with candles and formal place settings and all of that. Before we eat, we go around the table and share things that we are thankful for.”

And for Parker, that means being thankful for everyone at the table.

“For some people,” says Parker, “it may be money that keeps them from being able to spend the day with their families. For others, it may be a matter of vacation time. And for others, they just might not be welcomed at their parents’.”

And there is nothing, avers Parker, that is worse than feeling left out – unless it is feeling singled out.

“Sometimes when you go home to your parents and brothers and sisters,” says Parker, “there are all of the nieces and nephews. And somehow, no one wants to ask how your life is going; it is awkward. On the one hand, change is happening all around you. Even the leaves are changing colors, but no one wants to know how your life is changing. They would rather just bury that conversation under a pile of leaves.”

Many of those join Parker and other holiday dinner parties around San Diego, where groups of friends will be celebrating, because family is simply too far away.

Kevin McGowan will be heading to Mammoth for Thanksgiving with friends. His family lives in West Virginia. As a Ph.D. student at UCSD, it is simply too cost-prohibitive to be home for every holiday.

McGowan remembers his first Thanksgiving away from his family back in 1999.

“I remember thinking, ‘Man, cooking a turkey is hard!’” says McGowan. “But I still drank just as much as I would have back in West Virginia at home. Thanksgiving for my family back home is eating all day, drinking all day and gossiping about whomever isn’t there.”

While most everything will be the same for him, there is one big difference for McGowan, though. “I just won’t eat all day this year.”

Many couples in the GLBT community are hosting Thanksgiving for their extended families – and in many cases this involves turning the tables.

“My partner and I were tired of trying to be in two houses at once,” explains Sharon Mitchell. “Every year we had to be in North County in the late afternoon and then in Chula Vista in the evening.”

Even more than the physical issues, were the emotional issues.

“It is very hard on a couple that has been together for as long as we have,” says Mitchum of her nine-year relationship, “to not have the same luxury as my sister and her husband who can have both families over without major explanations or conflict. With all the kids running around, no one ever stops to ask how crazy our lives are, trying to be in two places at once.”

This year, Mitchum and her partner gave their siblings an ultimatum: “Join us or celebrate without us.”

“We plan on providing everything necessary for both families to maintain their own sense of Thanksgiving,” says Mitchum. “While we may have more cooking and cleaning to do, it far outweighs the stress of driving and the pressures of having to eat two full meals. Frankly, we had considered bulimia last year just to get through the day. This way, everyone gets what they want.”

For Grady Mitchell and his partner, James Tuck, bringing the families together has been a long time coming as well.

“For the past five years, we have struggled with trying to be everywhere at once,” says Mitchell. “This year we are having James’ mom from Reno and his brother and sister, along with his dad and his dad’s wife.”

“It’s a really special day and I feel like his family has really accepted us as a couple – as a family,” says Mitchell. “And really, we offer the same family and household atmosphere as any other member of our family. We want them to enjoy the holiday. Our home is a place to feel free, to hang out, to be a family.”

As more of us open our homes to our families, we are integrating our circle of friends into those celebrations.

Frankie Rubalcava and his partner, Mark Hoops, will be hosting Thanksgiving for both relatives and friends.

“I think it is a great idea to merge your inner circle of friends with your family,” says Rubalcava, who will be preparing dinner for a mixed group. “It breaks up the routine. After all, if I go home, I know the outcome – it’s too routine. By inviting family and friends together, you can mix things up.”

James Miera explains his decision to spend Thanksgiving with his boyfriend at his boyfriend’s family’s house.

“Usually, I would go back to New Mexico and spend the holiday with my family,” says Miera. “But this year, I have formally disowned my family after they voted for [President George W.] Bush. So this year, there is no stress in deciding where we will be for Thanksgiving.”

Many members of the GLBT community opt not to celebrate Thanksgiving with the traditional turkey and dressing at home. Restaurants and bars in the community are capitalizing on this. Hamburger Mary’s, for example, is hosting its second annual Thanksgiving Patio Party, with buffet-style hors d’oeuvres.

“I can’t even imagine trying to cook,” says Andrea Thurgill. “We have reservations for four at The Westgate [Hotel], Hotel Del Coronado and Inn at Rancho Santa Fe. We just haven’t decided yet what we want. One thing we know, though, is that none of the four of us want to cook.”

Thurgill and her partner, along with their best friends, will not be the only ones eating out on Thanksgiving. Christian Miller is taking a group out to the Hornblower for a Thanksgiving Day cruise.

“It’s about $60 a person,” says Miller. “And it’s fun, because we can drink whatever we want and then catch a cab back to Hillcrest.”

For Chad Burrows, hosting Thanksgiving dinner for his friends is a snap. More specifically, it’s just a phone call away.

“Mobile Waiter is awesome,” says Burrows. “We’ll have a totally traditional meal with none of the prep work.”

In fact, many restaurants are offering pre-made Thanksgiving meals to go.

San Diego State University student Jeff Froham and his friends are all pitching in for the second year in a row for a just-like-home meal, including turkey, stuffing, candied sweet potatoes, green beans, rolls and pie.

“Actually,” says Froham, “we joke that it’s more like back home than we would get back home.”

According to the U.S. Census data, an estimated 100,000 households in California are headed by same-sex partners. As members of the GLBT community grow in numbers in terms of those raising children, new images of Thanksgiving are emerging.

Scott Sleeman and Chis Farrar are celebrating their first Thanksgiving with their newly adopted son, Braeden.

“This is such an amazing time for us,” explains Sleeman. “We know just sitting and watching [Braeden] at the table with us will be incredible.”

Sleeman is also looking forward to combining his family’s traditions with those of his partner’s.

“[Chris and I] grew up in two totally different parts of the country in two totally different families and cultures,” says Sleeman. “It is so great to combine those traditions into making our own family Thanksgiving Day traditions.”

Sleeman never thought this would be a scene in his own home.

“I grew up Mormon in Utah,” says Sleeman, “so while I thought I was supposed to have a wife and kids and all of that, when I realized I was gay, I figured that whole Thanksgiving family thing was out of the question. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would have this blessing.”

Sleeman is very adamant about the legitimacy of his family, too.

“Families are made,” avers Sleeman. “Whether through formal marriage or partnerships. They are groups of loving people that come together in love and respect. As long as a child has loving parents, it doesn’t matter the gender or mix of the household. It’s a family.”

And for many members of the GLBT community this Thanksgiving, just knowing they are part of some family – regardless of the makeup of that group – is plenty enough to count their blessings.