Part One Study shows teens are coming out at younger ages – but are our schools equipped to keep them safe? Visit www.gaylesbiantimes.com/?id=13256 for part one of this feature.

Part Two Some students pioneer on campuses; transgender children face different set of challenges

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In December, Sean Penn is set to hit the big screen in Gus Van Sant’s new film, Milk, based on the life of Harvey Milk, California’s first openly-gay elected official who was assassinated in 1978.

Milk was born and raised in New York. In honor of Milk, and in the spirit of providing a safe space for GLBTQ students, the Hetrick-Martin Institute, an organization that provides social support to at-risk youth, opened a high school in the East Village of New York City in 1985. In 2002, the school became a fully-accredited public school, and now falls under the New York City Department of Education.

New York is not alone.

This year, Chicago is set to open its first high school for GLBTQ students, the Social Justice High School-Pride Campus. The school board has come under tremendous pressure for the college preparatory school, but soon-to-be principal, Chad Weiden, is confident the school will not only open, but will live up to its mission of providing a safe campus of higher learning.

And the campuses are not just open to GLBTQ students. The focus is more on diversity, social justice and working with allies for equal rights. In fact, Harvey Milk High School is comprised of 95 percent African American and Hispanic students. While there are no statistics available as to how many of these students are GLBTQ (it is illegal to ask them), the statistics that really matter, say officials, are the same ones that other high schools care about. The school has a 95 percent graduation rate, which is far above the city average of 52 percent. Additionally, 60 percent of students attend institutions of higher learning.

But not everyone is supporting this model.

Marty Klein is a psychotherapist who deals with marriage counseling and sex therapy. Klein says his 24 years working with individuals and families does not support what he calls “segregation.”

“Those in favor argue it will reduce violence against teens, lowering the risk of injury, absenteeism and substance abuse,” Klein said. “Opponents call it a municipal endorsement of homosexuality. Some gay advocates argue against it from a totally different direction, saying it marginalizes gay kids, makes them invisible. This is really closer to the point.”

Klein says the way to make GLBTQ students feel safer is not by segregating them, as much as it is integrating them into the social networks and systems of their own schools.

“When straight people have gay friends, gay kids won’t get harassed any more than their straight peers,” Klein said. “When gay kids are known as Kevin and Maria rather than the homo dude or the lesbo chick, they’ll be tormented only as much as anyone else.”

Klein’s argument has touched a nerve for some.

“When Dr. Klein says that gay people don’t have a ‘gay problem’ any more than German Jews had a ‘Jewish problem’ or Alabama blacks had a ‘black problem,’ and refers to these safe spaces as ghettos and plantations, there’s a real disconnect,” argues Suzanne Hunter, a retired middle school teacher of 34 years in San Diego. “You know that old saying, ‘If I had a dollar for every whatever?’ Well, if I had a dollar for every student I watched get picked on, or every teacher I watched walk by the incident, or every administrator who turned a blind eye with such dismissals as, ‘But he’s moving on in a few months to high school. It’ll work itself out’ …”

Unfortunately, the way it gets worked out, Hunter says, may end up being the ultimate sacrifice.

“When I started teaching, we didn’t have Gay Straight Alliances, or signs for teachers who were ‘Safe Space Allies,’” Hunter said. “What we had – and what I think schools still have – is a group of students who see no light at the end of the school’s hallway.”

Studies such as those done by the Massachusetts Department of Education’s Youth Risk Behavior Study have shown as many as 33 percent of gay youth will attempt suicide; the statistics suggest that GLBTQ youth are more than four times likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers.

Chicago’s Weiden says his own journey is what led him to accept the challenge. In an interview with The Chicago Tribune on Oct. 10, Weiden said, “My experience began in middle school. I didn’t even have to out myself. I was perceived as gay because of my hobbies and interests. I loved to read. I worked in the community theater. My peers would make fun of me. Teachers would ignore the abuse, the bullying. I was fearful to get on the bus in the morning. Often times, I ate lunch in the bathroom because that was the safest place to eat.”

Weiden’s experiences are by no means unique. Nor is his story of overcoming the odds.

Amongst news of taunts, discrimination and violence against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth, there is progress being made in schools throughout the country.

Daryl Presgraves, media relations manager for the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) said, at times, the grim news – such as the hate crime murder of 15-year-old Lawrence King in Oxnard, Calif. – overshadows the good news.

GLSEN reported last week in its National School Climate Report that three-quarters of the adolescent students surveyed heard homophobic or sexist remarks often or frequently at school, and nine out of 10 students heard the word “gay” often or frequently used in a negative context.

Recently, two student pioneers give other GLBT and questioning adolescents something to strive toward: acceptance.

Seventeen-year-old Cinthia Covarrubias, a Fresno High School student who considers herself transgender and sometimes goes by “Tony,” was allowed last year to compete for prom king.

The school district initially opposed Covarrubias’ nomination, because, traditionally, only boys were nominated for king and girls for queen. After an intervention by science teacher and the school’s Gay-Straight Alliance advisor, Tiffani Sanchez, however, the district’s lawyers recommended adding Covarrubias to the king court in order to comply with California’s state law protecting expression of gender identity and gender expression on campus.

Meanwhile, at Shawnee Mission East High School in Johnson County, Kan., considered a safe red district politically, openly gay senior Matthew Pope – co-captain and choreographer of the cheerlead squad – was crowned homecoming king.

Pope, who says he was aware of his sexuality in eighth grade, says being crowned homecoming king was a long way from his fear freshman year of coming out. Some of Pope’s fears were well-founded. Pope went to another local high school’s homecoming dance, Shawnee Mission North, with a female friend, and several students started throwing rocks at him, and made hateful comments.

One of Pope’s strengths is staying cool and calm. When asked about the Shawnee Mission North incident, Pope said, “They’re North. They’re different.”

Pope’s family also suffered a significant loss the summer before his junior year: Pope’s father, who was Pope’s mentor, died unexpectedly. Pope said his father inspired him to become a singer, and it was their shared love of music that helped Pope’s father come to terms with his son’s sexuality.

“I kind of changed [my parents’] thoughts on homosexuality,” Pope said. “They realized I’m still the same kid they’ve known forever, and it wasn’t my choice to be this way; it’s how I’m made. I wouldn’t really want to choose to be in a minority group or choose to be put aside. And they realize that.”

Here in San Diego, Sun & Moon Vision Productions, a non-profit video production company founded by Becky and Kathy Sangha, is working on its sequel documentary to the groundbreaking, Youth Out Loud! The original 20-minute documentary, was broadcast on KPBS and other public broadcasting stations in the U.S. and abroad, and screened in more than 150 film festivals. The film was honored by Planet Out in the short film category. It is used at the Teacher Education Program at University of California-San Diego, high school Gay Straight Alliances, and San Diego’s largest youth care provider agencies, San Diego Youth & Community Services and Casey Family services for staff trainings.

Kathy Sangha is a co-founder, and says that safety for all youth starts in education.

“It is so important that teachers and staff have tools for handling situations that involve LGBTQ youth,” Sangha says. “That’s why we’re currently fund-raising for Youth Out Loud! II which is going to be more focused on what teachers and administrators can do to create a safe environment. We are funded in part by the San Diego Foundation for Change and the [San Diego] Human Dignity Foundation, but we still have to raise nearly $30,000.”

The original Youth Out Loud!, which comes with a resource guide and was released in 2000, was used by the “Oprah Winfrey Show” as part of its research on its segment on transgender kids.

For a link to view the original 20-minute documentary, visit www.gaylesbiantimes.com/links/1086.

While gay, lesbian, bisexual and questioning youth face challenges at school, transgender youth face additional hurdles.

Kim Pearson is the executive director of Trans Youth Family Advocates and has a transgender child.

“The issues that transgender kids face coming out are significantly different than the issues of gay and lesbian children,” Pearson said. “You can hide your sexual orientation, but you can’t hide your gender. It’s not as easy to compartmentalize gender.”

One of the critical differences Pearson points out is coming out as transgender and coming out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual are fundamentally different.

“Gender is about who you are and sexual orientation is about who you like,” Pearson said. “When kids come out as transgender at an early age, there’s no discussion about it being sexual, because they’re too young to even consider sexuality. There’s no confusion around sexual orientation because younger [transgender] kids are not confused. They’re not exploring their sexuality; it’s a non-entity at early ages.”

One issue that is universal, though, Pearson said, is understanding the implications.

“The older the child, the more they have it figured out in terms of who they can tell or trust,” Pearson says. “In middle school, as adolescents, they’re old enough to understand the implications, that their world can end, as far as losing parental love and affection, losing their home, their friends.”

Take Pearson’s child, for example.

“My son was born biologically female,” Pearson said. “From an early age, he knew he was very different, and that he didn’t fit in. So, initially, he thought he was a lesbian. After all, he was butch, he didn’t want anything to do with stereotypically female things, and he had probably been called gay, so he figured, ‘Hey, I must be gay.’”

Pearson and her circle of friends and family were very supportive.

“There was this whole idea that once I get this in the open, all the stress will go away,” Pearson said. “And while it did go away for a bit, he was surprised the stress didn’t totally go away. In fact, it got worse. His depression increased. So, we thought, now what?”

As it turns out, Pearson’s son figured it out by accident.

“We were really working on him self-examining because there were a lot of issues around body image for him,” Pearson said. “He felt that his body was somehow wrong, and as he explored how he felt about himself and his physicality, he started doing some Internet research and he found a name for how he felt.”

Finding out your child is transgender really isn’t something you can prepare yourself for, Pearson said. However, as long as a parent is guided by the universal belief that parents want their children to be happy, this should ease some of the pain.

“There’s a lot of misinformation about transgender issues when it comes to children,” Pearson explains. “It gets so that it is lumped in with sexual orientation, and people are equating these seven year olds who say, ‘I’m not a boy’ or whatever. And people want to equate it with sex? One of the first questions someone asks is, ‘Who are they going to marry? A man or a woman?’ We have no idea who this child will have marry or have sex with. And parents have this really scary set of images of flaming drag queens, their children in danger, or being killed.”

Pearson sees helping families deal with their children coming out as transgender as the next step for society.

“There’s a very tongue-in-cheek saying among parents who have kids who come out as transgender that says, ‘Why can’t you just be gay?’ since as we learn more about gays and lesbians and it’s not seen as the end of the world,” Pearson said. “But transgender issues is a completely different issue. People are deeply afraid of what they don’t understand, and they’re deeply scared for what it means for the child, for the family. And, let’s face it. For the child, too. Can you imagine the stress of having to decide which bathroom you are going to use every time you go to one?”

One commonality Pearson does acknowledge is the issue all GLBTQ youth will face at some time or another: religious or moral objection.

“People always say to me, ‘God doesn’t make mistakes,’” Pearson said. “I tell them they’re right. This child was born transgender, and it’s their reality and it’s not a mistake. It’s exactly what God planned. And, honestly, if I had the choice between having a dead daughter or a live son, I think God and Jesus and Buddha and any other part of the universe would want me to have a live son. It took me all of two seconds to figure that out. Whatever the issue, it’s our job as parents to protect our children.”

Sabrina Williamson, assistant professor at the Indiana University of Social Work says parents face a plethora of issues when a child comes out.

“Much of the parent responses to the adolescent coming out was related to their own ‘coming of age’ era,” Williamson says. “In other words, parents of adolescents who come out grew up in a time when being gay or lesbian was almost a universal taboo. As such, their responses to their children were shaped by this and intensified their feelings of loss.”

Parents also reported emotional detachment post-disclosure, Williamson says, which likely is the result of their own internal conflict. Also, parents reported an initial fear of estrangement with thoughts that they would lose their child to a “subculture” that they knew nothing about.

On the other hand, there are the parents who believed they had taken positive steps.

“Parents who believed they had taken positive steps toward adjustment and reconnecting with their child had the following in common,” Williamson said. “They gained information about what it means to be gay through education and exposure, particularly developing relationships with adults who are gay or lesbian.”

GLSEN’s report shows that 61 percent of students who were harassed or assaulted in school did not report the incident to school staff, believing little or no action would be taken, or the situation could become worse if reported. A third of those students who did report an incident said the school staff did nothing in response.

So what is a school to do?

GLSEN’s biennial report recommends the following measures:

First, advocate for comprehensive safe school and anti-discrimination legislation at the state and federal level that specifically enumerates sexual orientation and gender identity/expression as protected categories.

Second, implement comprehensive safe-school policies in individual schools and districts, with clear and effective systems for reporting and addressing incidents that students experience; currently less than half of all schools have specific policy.

Third, support GSAs or similar student clubs that address GLBTQ issues and work to improve school climate; students who said they attended a school with student clubs and a supportive culture indicated a significantly higher GPA than those without.

Fourth, provide training for school staff to improve rates of interventions and increase the number of supportive faculty and staff available to students; only 36 percent of students surveyed could name six or more faculty or staff they believed would be safe havens in the event of an incident.

Fifth, increase student access to appropriate and accurate information regarding GLBT people, history and events through inclusive curriculum, library resources and access to Internet resources through school computers; only one-tenth of students surveyed said they were exposed to positive GLBT people, history, or events.

We don’t really know what lies ahead for the students mentioned in this story. But we do know that we must do something to make sure their lives do not become another name on a list of tragic losses.

We do know, sadly, King’s death is not an isolated incident. The tragedy brings back memories of Matthew Shepard, the 21-year-old University of Wyoming student who was beaten, tortured and killed in a hate crime 10 years ago; and memories of Brandon Teena, the 21-year-old transgender man who was raped and killed in 1993.

Perhaps King’s family can find solace in the example the Shepards have set. Shepard’s parents have become some the nation’s leading advocates for federal hate crimes legislation, and they remain hopeful one day soon, it will be passed.

Recently, a bench was dedicated to Shepard on the University of Wyoming campus, with a plaque that reads, “Matthew Wayne Shepard Dec. 1, 1976-Oct. 12, 1998. Beloved son, brother, and friend. He continues to make a difference. Peace be with him and all who sit here.”

As for King’s legacy, much has yet to be written. But this, we do know: two days after he was shot, King was pronounced brain dead, and his parents chose to have doctors harvest his organs, including his lungs, liver, pancreas and heart. On Valentine’s Day, King’s heart gave a 10-year old a new lease on life – even though King’s was cut tragically short.