[Editor’s note: Out of respect for the protocol within the leather community, the following article will adhere to the accepted punctuation and gender pronouns. For example, names of Dominants/Sirs/Masters are capitalized, while submissives/boys/slaves are not.]

Next week, as we celebrate San Diego’s 21st Leather Pride Week, there are bound to be a few heads scratched, deep in thought, as to what this all means and where it fits into the GLBT community.

A number of bars will be hosting leather-themed events. People from all over the country – and, in fact, some from overseas – will arrive in San Diego and take part in this celebration, dressed in their leathers.

In many ways, the leather community operates within the GLBT community. The leather community is sometimes referred to being a part of the BDSM, an acronym for “Bondage and Discipline”, “Dominance and Submission” and “Sadomasochism” (S&M). Some call it kink sex. Others call it radical sex. The degree of experience or commitment may vary – from casual play to deeply committed relationships built on a mutual power exchange, mutual trust and mutual respect.

Most people, at some time or another, have likely contemplated what it would feel like to be in a leather-play scene. Some might even have participated in a BDSM scene without calling it that. For example, pinning your partner down and spreading whipped cream on him/her would fall into the BDSM category, even though some might argue that this is just good foreplay.

Instead, many may confuse the idea of leather play as only associated with the extreme elements, such as fisting, heavy flogging or blood sports. As in all things, there is a continuum.

A number of people have acted on their curiosity in leather or BDSM play. A few have continued with it, finding a personal connection with the BDSM tenets of safe, sane and consensual play. And some have even come to understand that an identity within the BDSM community is critical for their wellbeing.

The point is, aver most in the leather community, experiences and commitments to the lifestyle are as numerous and varied as the persons who participate – and they are not constrained by the traditional definitions or roles of gender and sexual orientation.

Gayle is a bisexual woman and the outgoing president of Club X, San Diego’s largest pansexual organization, approaching 300 members. Her submissives call her “Daddy,” though like most of the long-established members of the leather community, she requires no public title within the community. Titles are after all, explains Gayle, things that are earned, not self-ascribed.

“In My opinion,” says Gayle, “leather encompasses sexuality, power relationships, spirituality, social elements and sometimes even romance. It is really a matter of soul searching. A person participating in a leather experience can have any combination of these, and some may be eliminated. For example, often when you leave gender behind, you may leave the direct sexual and romantic elements out. But what you have is a power exchange, and the eroticism that comes from this power or energy exchange is far more spiritual than romance might be for someone.”

Abraham Maslow is best known for his work on his theory surrounding a human’s basic set of needs. His pyramid of needs, known as Maslow’s Hierarchy, begins at a base “deficit” need, the Physiological Need. This is the basic hunger, thirst, sleep and shelter. Once reached, people gravitate toward the next level, the Safety Needs. In this area, the individual seeks safe circumstances, stability and protection.

The next level, Belonging Needs, assumes that both the Physiological and Safety Needs have been met. In this case, a person seeks out a community, friends or a partner. A person’s job or career search falls into this level.

Esteem Needs is typically divided between high (self-respect, confidence, achievement) and low (need for respect from others, fame, reputation). Maslow considered self-directed respect as harder to lose once attained than external respect, thus the emphasis on it being a higher level within the framework.

Finally, Maslow wrote about Self-Actualization. As opposed to the first four levels, the “deficit” needs, in which something is lacking and a natural craving occurs, Self-Actualization is described as a “being” need. This is the one area that Maslow argued is a growth, motivation-based need.

That is, if your body requires water, it sends messages that you are thirsty. If your body is in need of sex, it sends a hormonal courier to create an urge. The growth motivation is in contrast to the deficit motivation in that for those elements in self-actualization, the more you have, the more you desire. It does not answer to the laws of diminishing returns.

Like Sigmund Freud, Maslow believed in a progression. An individual could only move to the next step once the former was achieved. Similarly, Maslow believed that one could regress down the pyramid, given the right circumstances, such as a sudden void of community or safety. And like Freud, Maslow believed that if some traumatic event in one’s life occurred – such as the death a family member – during a particular stage, the person could become fixated on that stage for the rest of their lives.

Unlike Freud, Maslow believed that the first four stages could be achieved with relative ease. Because the body creates signals when a deficit occurs, and humans instinctively avoid pain, most people will reach the third or fourth level.

For those that Maslow argued reached the one “being” need of self-actualization, there were a number of common traits, including, among others: deeper personal relationships with a few close friends as opposed to more shallow relationships with a broader group; a resistance to enculturation or conforming to social pressure or norms; strong ethics; creativity and a desire for peak experiences.

So then, when we meet a female-to-male transgender pre-op leather “Daddy” who is in a polyamorous relationship with three female “bois,” or a self-identified gay black man who considers himself a “slave” to a white female Dominant, or a married Dominant woman who has a female submissive, do we think they are on a path toward enlightenment and self-actualization, or just downright confused?

Canadian Leather Man 2004 Paul Ciantar is the head judge at this year’s Mr. San Diego Leather contest. A self-described activist, Ciantar speaks all over North America about the leather and BDSM communities.

“I think people in the leather and BDSM communities have a slightly better understanding of [the diversity of attraction],” says Ciantar. “But there is still a great deal of room for improvement. Positive and constructive education is always a good thing. They say that the universe is made up of 1 percent that we know, 2 percent that we know we don’t know, and 97 percent that we don’t know we don’t know. If you are not open to new experiences, you will miss a lot.”

When Maslow graduated with his Ph.D. from a Wisconsin university in 1934, he went to Columbia University in New York and researched human sexuality. For his dissertation, Maslow studied monkeys. One of his findings was that “dominance was related to maleness.”

While the definitions of “dominance” and “control” may be argued, the fact that even females within the leather community refer to their female Dominants as “Daddy” is interesting in and of itself.

While there are those who are referred to as Ma’am, Mistress or Lady within the leather community, it appears to be more the exception than the rule. It is more likely that a female Dominant is called “Daddy” by Her submissives.

Maslow left studying sex when he had a life-changing experience in 1941, just after Pearl Harbor, when a parade of Boy Scouts blocked his drive home. At that moment, Maslow said he decided to devote his work to “discovering a psychology for the peace table.” But Maslow’s interest in sexology never stayed too far below the surface.

One of the traits that Maslow argued is a sign of self-actualization is the continued quest for peak experiences. A peak experience is one that takes you out of yourself. You feel very small or very large. In a way, you become one with life, nature or God. It gives you a feeling of being a part of the infinite and the eternal. These experiences tend to leave their mark on a person. Typically, these change the person for the better, and many people at the self-actualization level actively seek them out.

“In BDSM experiences, orgasm is not the ultimate goal,” says Jo Blas, International Ms. Leather 2000 and a self-identified lesbian woman. “That wouldn’t be a play experience. That would be sex. ‘Play’ is about reaching multiple peaks through a power exchange. Someone who is turned on by mummification [being wrapped like a mummy for an extended period of time] finds their pleasure in their own strength to withstand the trial, as well as in the trust that they have placed in the other person.”

For Mr. San Diego Leather 2004 Adam Latham, a self-identified gay male with a male boy, being limited by gender or sexual orientation is counter-intuitive.

“There are some women with whom I enjoy playing,” explains Latham. “I just love the energy exchange, the going back and forth. In a way, it is very similar to the biological orgasm. You have this wonderful spent feeling. But someone doesn’t have to reach physical orgasm as society normally defines it. That may just be one part of it.”

In can be hard to imagine for many that being submissive, sitting at someone’s feet all day, is a way to seek a higher level of self-actualization. In fact, many would argue that there is a complete void of “self” in that process.

“On the contrary,” says boy jack, president of San Diego boys of Leather, “anyone who thinks that the Dominant is in charge and can do or say anything to the submissive and that the submissive will stand for this, has misjudged the majority of submissives that i know.”

The dynamics of a leather or BDSM relationship are often driven by the submissive, not the Dominant. The submissive has a voice in setting limits. The submissive has a voice in deciding what places can and cannot be explored. Both the Dominant and the submissive have the ability to call a halt to the scene. Many will argue that the Dominant is simply a facilitator. They both share the responsibility to create a setting where they can explore each other’s fantasies.

Ms. San Diego Leather 2004 Karen Yew, a self-identified bisexual who is married to a man but has a boi (a person who is genetically female and self-identifies as a male), argues that the notion of submissives as weak, self-loathing persons could not be further from the truth.

“I would say that the strongest person would be the one who could take pleasure or joy from yielding,” says Yew. “It takes a really strong person to be that self-disciplined and giving.”

And, the idea that there is no self-esteem, that all worth is attributed externally, is far from the mark. In fact, using the Maslow model, a submissive must have achieved the higher level of Esteem Need that includes self-confidence and self-assurance in order to be open to a full power exchange.

“In the purest sense,” explains Yew, “there is no ego involved. There is just a desire to make someone happy. And the only way someone is going to do that is if they know what makes themselves happy, complete or whole. This is not about giving up your rights or your spirit. This is about knowing your core being.”

Likewise, those who participate in play scenes or full relationships with submissives often argue that unless the submissive is totally confident in and at ease with himself/herself, there is no erotic charge.

“In order to get the full impact, the full energy exchange,” explains Latham, “and in order to reach full submission, you have to be super confident. I switch [sometimes is the Dominant, sometimes is the submissive] depending on who I am playing with. If I am topping someone and the submissive is trying to prove something to me, then all of his/her defenses are up. That is a turnoff. When someone is saying, ‘Yeah, i can take it,’ they haven’t been able to release the tension. Only when you are able to fully give yourself and trust the other person, do the gates open for the energy exchange.”

Latham argues that 80 percent of the most self-confident, well-spoken members of the leather community tend to be submissives.

In fact, explains boy jack, you will often hear that it is the submissive that is steering the relationship.

“With my Sir [Mike Russell] and me,” says jack, “i draw my energy from knowing that i am appreciated. Yes, i do the cooking and the housework, but i know that He appreciates it. Knowing that He respects me enough to appreciate it and expresses how valuable and special i am to Him, and when He shows that appreciation, that is how i know W/we are connecting.”

In jack’s previous relationship, that appreciation wasn’t there.

“i did all the same things in my previous relationship,” recalls jack. “The difference was that i was not feeling valued or special. i wasn’t achieving who i could be. That’s the difference.”

In fact, the San Diego boys of Leather was established as a network for those looking to get into safe, sane and consensual experiences or relationships as “boys.” The group, which is open to any person who identifies as a boy regardless of age (18 or over), gender or sexual orientation, serves also as an educational forum.

The San Diego boys of Leather also helps those who are just coming into the leather community by hosting educational workshops on topics ranging from leather protocol to Daddy/boy relationships, to the tenets of “Safe, Sane and Consensual.”

“San Diego boys of Leather is a great forum for people who are interested in serving to come together,” explains boy jack. “One of the things we work hard on doing is making sure that everyone has access to the right tools and resources. we don’t want someone to come into the community and get with the wrong person and get hurt.”

The leather community appears to be very well self-regulated. Yew, who spent her title year advocating first aid and CPR training, explains that there are two levels that members of the leather BDSM community tend to self-regulate: physical safety and group integrity.

“There is an aspect of physical safety that is so important,” indicates Yew. “Let’s face it. We participate in an extreme sport. It is not a matter of ‘if’ something is going to happen, but rather ‘when.’ Everyone has to be prepared. You have to do your homework.”

Yew, who conducted a number of first aid and CPR trainings during her tenure, will be the first to stand up and say that first and foremost, safety is the responsibility of everyone.

“At a play party, you usually have someone called the DM, the Dungeon Monitor or Dungeon Master,” explains Yew. “That person keeps an eye on the scenes and makes sure everyone is being safe. If there is a breach in safety protocol, that person will quietly and respectfully step in and readjust the scene.”

Latham explains that beyond the DM, there is often a Do Not Invite (DNI) list. That is, if a person has breached safety protocol, has been warned and continues to violate protocol, that person is put on a DNI list so that those at the play party know that it is a safe environment.

Likewise, explains Blas, when someone steps out of line in the leather community, there is always someone to run interference.

“It is very important to those of us in the kink community to maintain its integrity,” avers Blas. “We will not tolerate someone hurting another person or the community. If we see that type of behavior, we will call it on the carpet. As a community, we come together and say, ‘Hey, that won’t be tolerated here.’ And while we don’t expect anyone to be perfect, we do expect that respect to be at the forefront of all play.”

Yew stresses how important this is. “One or two people might step in and say, ‘You know, you might think about cleaning this up or settling this issue.’” says Yew.

Also, there is a great deal of respect for those who take the time and effort to check out their potential play partners or relationships.

“One of the wonderful things about our community is that people are really open, honest and real,” Latham explains. “I have often had boys come up to me and say, ‘Sir, i hope i have not offended You, but i asked around about You, and i would like to be in Your service.’ On the contrary, who could be offended by someone caring enough about themselves to do some background checking?”

There is also something referred to as the “safety call.” Latham explains this as a system whereby one calls a friend and gives the address and name of the person’s home where they are going. Then, if the friend doesn’t hear from the person by the agreed-upon time, the police are immediately called.

Another critical safety net that the leather community put in place is the San Diego Leather Response Team, which works closely with the San Diego Police Department to help define the difference between BDSM play and domestic violence. The team is available to review cases to help the police determine if a situation went beyond the agreed-upon boundaries.

Unlike Freud, Maslow argued that the path toward self-actualization was a progression.

For many in the leather community, their own paths to where they are today can be seen as a progression.

“When I came out in the kink/BDSM community,” explains Yew, “I had more submissive energy. I was just finding out who I was as a leather person. It wasn’t until I found a very understanding [female] boi who helped me cultivate my more Dominant side. I had to explore, and that required a lot of patience for her. she was excellent in that way.”

Maslow never said that self-actualizers are perfect, of course. There were several flaws or imperfections he discovered along the way as well. First, self-actualizers often suffered considerable anxiety and guilt – but realistic anxiety and guilt, rather than misplaced or neurotic versions. Some of them were absentminded and overly kind.

“I certainly don’t think I am perfect,” says Shawn, a FTM transgender pre-op leather Daddy with female bois, and half of the 2005 International Daddy/boy titleholder couple. “But I will say that I am totally at one with my own or someone else’s imperfections. I find imperfections just as beautiful as perfection. It is more about growing toward who you are and facing self-imposed fears.”

“On a public scale,” explains Gayle, “there is a broader understanding that we are all here on a journey. We spend a great deal of time talking before, during and after a play experience – or even within a D/s [Dominant/submissive] relationship – because we are able to acknowledge the parts that we are not clear about.”

It is a path of self-exploration, and most M/mentors in the leather community will tell you that self-exploration and self-actualization cannot happen in a vacuum.

“In order to be a M/mentor, you have to do some serious introspection,” suggests Gayle. “It is very, very true that the activities we engage in – well, there are not many guides, so we look to each other for growth. In doing that, we acknowledge our weak areas in order to reach a greater level of understanding. The last thing any of us wants to do is to have or inflict a traumatic experience, either psychologically or physically.”

“No community is perfect,” says Ciantar. “We have those who ‘get it’ and those who don’t. In a community that is supposed to be all about sexual openness, acceptance and exploration, you can still find a certain amount of intolerance and self-righteousness. However, when you look at subcultures within the entire GLBT community, I’m pretty confident in saying you will find the leather BDSM community is by far the most accepting and open-minded.” And, likely, argues Ciantar, more open to frank, honest and real dialogue about the issues surrounding the leather community.

Many in the leather community consider their participation central to their own sense of spirituality.

“When akio was my boy, it was about tapping into his spiritual self,” explains Blas. “He is a gay male, and so sex had nothing to do with what we were doing. It was a power exchange, a connection and a growth along his spiritual path. It was about him achieving what was in his soul, about me breaking those barriers he had that held him back from becoming who he is today.”

Maslow makes two other points about self-actualizers: Their values were “natural” and seemed to flow effortlessly from their personalities. For Yew, the values of safety and education are as natural and instinctual as breathing.

“Some people are naturals when it comes to educating,” explains Shawn, who is a self-described mentor and teacher in the leather community. “I guess part of that is that people see me and think I am either a young 17-year-old boy in a wheelchair, or a butch female Daddy. It’s just natural for me to want to educate these people on my path of spirituality.”

“I was at this conference in Fresno,” recalls Yew, “and this woman came by and was interested in flogging. But you could tell she was really intimidated by it. So, I said, ‘Go ahead, pick it up and feel it.’ She did, and then I showed her how one might swing it, and she followed my lead. I then found a demonstration bottom who was willing to help me educate this woman on flogging. So I asked her to follow my lead, and within a pretty short time she was saying to me, ‘OK, I think I might be OK with this.’ I watched the intimidation, the fear of the unknown slowly subside. A lot of people were telling me how great it was that I took the time to do that. I guess at the time I didn’t even know that I was doing anything special. It’s just what came naturally to me.”

Maslow also described those whom he considered to be self-actualized as having the ability to transcend many of the dichotomies others accept as being undeniable, such as the differences between the spiritual and the physical, the selfish and the unselfish, and the masculine and the feminine.

“My Native American side has taught me to understand that I can honor both my masculine and feminine sides,” explains Blas. “I am able to honor the whole person.”

There is no question that many who participate in the leather community have a sense of identity that transcends their own sense of gender or sexual orientation. The question that we may ask, and only they can answer is, “Have you reached the realm of self-actualization, or are you just confused?”

For Shawn, Blas, jack, Ciantar, Gayle, Yew, A/akio, Latham and others, it’s a question that seems rhetorical.

“I don’t see why this even needs explanation,” avers Ciantar. “While I think most people have a ‘type’ clearly defined in their heads, attraction really boils down to chemistry. Sex is supposed to be fun, so why limit yourself? I tend to be a very instinctual person. I’m either attracted to someone or I’m not, and often for no logical reason. Ultimately, we are all flesh and blood and energy.”