Years ago, Linda Bessemer wanted to be able to say the word “lesbian” without feeling embarrassed. Bessemer, who will receive a Friend of the Year award, is the mother of two lesbian daughters and the current co-president of the San Diego chapter of the Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). She has been involved with the organization since 1987. This is the second time she has served as president.

“[When I joined PFLAG] I met other parents who had gay sons and lesbian daughters,” she told the Gay and Lesbian Times. “They were able to talk about that and say those words, ‘homosexuality,’ ‘gay’ and ‘lesbian.’ [PFLAG] was a comfortable arena for me. Because of my [parochial school] upbringing I didn’t have a lot of exposure to these words, and to say them in public [back then] was almost shameful,” Bessemer recalled.

Even though Bessemer’s parents were open-minded and kind, her Catholic school experiences taught her that homosexuality was wrong and that even saying words like gay or lesbian was cause for shame. PFLAG helped her to unlearn those fears and embrace diversity.

Bessemer first learned about PFLAG in the early ’80s while watching the Pride parade.

“Every once in a while I would watch the Gay Pride parade,” she said. “It was kind of an interesting thing to do. I was sitting on the corner of Sixth and Laurel and I saw the PFLAG contingent. I was so impressed with it because there were fathers carrying signs that said ‘We love our gay son’ and it was just so amazing to see a parents’ coalition, and I kind of kept that in my mind.”

When her two daughters came out to her, Bessemer remembered PFLAG and began to attend their meetings. Meeting other parents with GLBT children helped her to become a more informed parent to her lesbian daughters and to better understand the struggles of the GLBT community.

Bessemer is also very involved in the Live and Let Live Alano Club. The club offers a supportive environment for people in recovery, as well as their families and friends. Although attendees are primarily from the GLBT community, everyone is welcome. In the late ’80s, Bessemer happened upon the Alano Club by chance when a friend, also in recovery, suggested they attend a meeting there. Bessemer found the Alano Club to be a safe and welcoming place.

“I went to a meeting there and it was a pot luck meeting. I was so impressed with the food. I said to myself, ‘These gay men can really cook.’ And I was so welcomed. I didn’t have to express what my sexuality was and nobody was interested. They were just interested in recovery, and I felt so comfortable there,” Bessemer said.

Bessemer served two years as the Alano Club’s board secretary, which she feels added a little diversity to the primarily GLBT organization. She also stresses the importance of having a GLBT - focused recovery organization in San Diego and continues to help get that message out to the community.

“[Getting the word out] is extremely important, as there is a lot of drug and alcohol abuse in the gay community. [The Alano Club] is a place for recovery in the gay community,” Bessemer said.

It is abundantly clear why Bessemer is being recognized as a Friend of the Year. In addition to her work with PFLAG and the Alano Club, she has taken on the role of community friend on a daily basis. When asked whether we still need Gay Pride celebrations, Bessemer was adamant with her answer.

“The fact is, the gay community is not allowed to [be as open] as the non-gay community. I think it’s really important for the non-gay community to see that [in the parade] there are church groups and teachers, there’s law enforcement, there’s PFLAG, an Alano Club and Family Matters … really solid groups.

“I’m very proud to be part of this community and I’ve never had to explain why I’m part of this community. It’s very important to show our pride. Our gay kids are entitled to all the rights that our non-gay kids are entitled to.”