Every day is so new and fresh for us. You learn a new word. You learn how to hold our hand to cross the street. You learn how to get in and out of the car by yourself. You learn how to use a spoon to eat your ice cream. We would have never thought that so many little accomplishments would be so important! You make us proud to be your papas.

We are looking forward to many more years with you. Your first day of school. Your first dance. Your first boyfriend or girlfriend. We want you to be happy. We will love you forever.

I am not writing you a letter of wisdom for you to use as an instruction manual throughout the rest of your life. Instead, I write you a letter of appreciation, for you have been my teacher. It would be arrogant for me to offer you advice, as I would only be returning what you have given me.

Thank you for teaching me to appreciate the accomplishments of others. Your success brings me so much more joy than my own. You taught me that the pursuit for the riches of tomorrow would blind me from the happiness of today. It is because of you that I must always model the way; honesty is a lifestyle, not just the words that I speak. Thank you for challenging my instruction and making me take a second look at my reasoning. And when I do not give in, you still tell me you love me before you head off to bed.

I am forever grateful to you for showing me the benefits of crying, for I had forgotten. I thank you so much for always getting well after being sick. It is then that I feel most helpless.

After you came into my life, I had a different appreciation for spirituality, so I figured a way to mold it so it could include me. I will take the risk of exposing you to the beliefs of others, to give you the power of awareness. While on the outside I appear strong, inside I am a little afraid that others may influence how you see me. Like others, I can merge logic and intuition. Even though I define morality differently than some, you made me see why it is important in our lives. So as you grow older, understand the thoughts of others. Your ability to make your own decisions is paramount to any of my fears.

You have taught me so much about being a dad, and even more about being a kid. When I adopted you, my identity changed. I became “Dad” first and everything else second. It is you, my son, who has guided me to the realization that being a father is the motivation to pursue my dreams; fatherhood is a reason and not an excuse. It is you who forces me out of the comfort of my introversion, so that I may come to appreciate the wonderfulness of others.

When you came into my life, like so many dads, I had a vision of you being a little me, but you modified my agenda, and the revised draft looks a little less daddy-centric. I know now that to be a successful parent, I must limit control. I realize that you have your own identity, desires and needs. Yet you always trust me, even when I have no idea what I am doing. Thank you for not allowing me the time to dwell on my mistakes. It is hard to imagine that I could bring you as much happiness as you have brought me, but know that every day I try.

Joe came into the scene and took care of us. Joe since adopted me, and my brother still lives with us. Our sister lives with her father nearby.

Having an out-gay dad saved my life. Seeing him and his husband of 17 years lets me know I can have a good life. Since Dad took us in, we have not wanted for anything. I was on the verge of dropping out of high school, but am now finishing my Associates Degree and going on for a Bachelors.

I just want to tell everyone that gay men make great foster parents. My brother is straight, but he marched with us in Pride San Diego. Joe is a great dad to me and my brother. With two other foster kids, 11-year-old twin boys, our house is full, but it’s all pretty good.

I would like to see more gay men get past society’s fear of gay men raising boys. I was gay before I met dad and my brother is still straight after more than four years.

Thanks for teaching us how important it is to have a sense of humor about everything. Without a sense of humor, how could we have made it through you picking us up from basketball practice in front of all of our friends while cradling your pet rock and talking through your nose? Or making us walk out in front of the car and do a twirl so you could see your handiwork after giving us a haircut? Or constantly dancing in public even when there is no music playing? Oh wait, none of that is very funny!

We will be forever grateful for you teaching us to laugh at ourselves, and more importantly, to laugh at others. You have shown us that laughter really is the best medicine, and that if life is taken too seriously, it can be incredibly dull.

Thanks for teaching us to make life fun, even though this was usually at the expense of your own children. Remember the time we were moving from the house in New Jersey, and you told Tori and I we could draw all over the walls in the little closet under the stairs? Then when we were inside drawing, you yanked the door open and started yelling at us for ruining the walls. Not so funny for us, but I’m sure you had a great time!

You’ve shown us that life is what we make of it, and if we decide to have fun and be happy, then nothing can change that. You have shown us how to be happy and grateful for who and what we have in our life, because that is how we have seen you.

Thanks for teaching us to be good to others. The kindness you show to people, even strangers, is a wonderful example to live by. Your good heart is immediately apparent to everyone who knows you. We constantly have people tell us how lucky we are to have you as a father, and once we are done chuckling, we actually realize that this is true. You are incredibly giving, and always do whatever you can to help people, especially us. Through your example, we have learned how to be better people.

Most importantly, thanks for loving us! You have always made us feel like we are the most important thing in the world to you, and we love you for it. Even when we were not the easiest person to love, you did it anyway. And by we, I of course mean Tori. You have taken every opportunity to make us feel special, and though we know you are biased, we appreciate it. We hope you know how amazing we think you are, both as a father and a person. We have learned and continue to learn so much from you. You always tell us how lucky you think you are to be our father, but it is truly us who are the lucky ones. We have the best father in the world!

I’m so glad that you decided to become involved in PFLAG [Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays]. When you brought the Christian flag in support of AB 19 at the recent marriage equality rally, you helped show that God is bigger than sexual orientation, and that there are lots of Christians that support the GLBT community [AB 19, introduced by Democrats in the California Legislature, sought to legalize same-sex marriage in California].

Thanks for switching parties and registering as a Democrat to show support for gays and lesbians. You are setting an example for other dads by becoming so actively involved in PFLAG. You have always been proud of me, and have helped me in more ways than you could imagine. Thanks, Dad! Happy Father’s Day!

You and I have not always been on the same side, our forces opposing each other. As a teenager, I put you through some tests that I am not sure I would want to endure. At 17 I had all the answers, and I could not believe how much you did not know. You kept the lines of communication open when I wanted to shut you out. I remember a deep-sea fishing trip we took, at a point when we were feeling distant from each other. As most guys do, I struggled for my independence without concern for your feelings. I pulled away. You did not stop me when I moved out the week I turned 18. You let me head out on my own, but stayed ready in case I needed you.

After graduation I was amazed at how much you had learned during my college years. We laughed together for the first time in years. I pulled you back into my life. I felt your pride as I became a self-sufficient adult. I called you not out of responsibility but as a mentor.

As I started to understand my feelings and came to grips with being gay, I pulled away again. The conversations became flat, and I avoided certain topics. I did not want to disappoint you. I recall thinking you would never understand, because you had retired from a long military career and seemed so conservative.

The turning point was on the phone, when you were having trouble reaching me, and you asked, “If I need to reach you, does your new friend have a phone number?” Your words, careful and compassionate, let me know I did not need to pull away. You drove down to San Diego to complete the discussion face-to-face. You pulled me to hug me and say how much you loved me. I stopped pulling away and hugged you back. Since that time, much has happened, and I have relied on your friendship and guidance to get through my darkest moments.

Having a supportive father like you lifts a weight off my shoulders that other gay people have to carry and burden their lives with. No matter how old we get, the support and love of a parent is just as important as the air we breathe.

For those years that I shut you out of my life, I felt that I stopped growing as a person. Since I have told you about being gay, you continue to express your love and support. Seeing you take an interest in gay-related issues and how it affects my life makes me feel you are still concerned about my well-being and happiness. It makes me feel proud to be your son. I feel very fortunate and grateful to be blessed with you as my father. Happy Father’s Day!