Fewer and fewer of us are seeking out the multiplex to see the latest Hollywood flicks. It couldn’t be the high price of tickets, could it? I don’t want to take out a second mortgage to see dreck like The Island when it will be out on DVD in four months. It’s not the idiots talking on cell phones during the feature – silence is golden, people! Perhaps it’s the lackluster features? Nah. It must be that we’re all waiting for the summer popcorn fare to slink out and the movies that have a little more gravity to them to be ushered in. That must be it.

So, can Reese Witherspoon times two, gay cowboys, Jodie Foster’s leap-yearish work ethic and a giant ape all be the saviors that will end Hollywood’s dry spell? Here’s a breakdown of what’s coming soon to a theater near you. There are even a surprisingly good number of gay-themed features among the standard fare!

Even though September is almost at a close, here are a few flicks that will hopefully keep in the crisp fall air, and some to make you giddy with anticipation in the coming months.

Flight Plan: Not so fresh on the heels of 2002’s Panic Room is Jodie Foster’s return to the thriller, or any movie, really. In this one, Foster plays a widow whose daughter disappears onboard an airplane at 40,000 feet. The role was originally written for a male protagonist. Hmm… that’s queer.

Corpse Bride: This is the new stop-motion animated feature from Tim Burton, in the vein of The Nightmare Before Christmas. That’s a relief, because I haven’t received my invite to Nicole Richie’s upcoming nuptials yet. Thought I had missed the wedding! She’s a tad skinny – I’m just sayin’ is all!

The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio: Julianne Moore does what she does best, portraying a 1950s housewife. She’s not suicidal, like in The Hours, or finding out her husband is gay, ala Far From Heaven (her first clue should have been husband Dennis Quaid’s six-pack!). No, she’s just a house frau raising 10 kids, dealing with an alcoholic hubby (Woody Harrelson), and entering and winning jingle contests.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang: Definitely the gayest title of the fall, and rightfully so. Val Kilmer is a gay private investigator who “prepares” Robert Downey, Jr. for a role in a detective movie. I wonder what the training will entail – how to shoot not so straight?

Capote: Two gay-themed movies in one month? Pinch me; I must be dreaming. Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays it pink as the flamboyant wordsmith. This is one of two Capote biopics slated for release – when it rainsss it poursss.

Dorian Blues: The trifecta is complete with this third gay movie – what is it about September? This one is a coming-of-age tale about a youth who enlists his brother’s help to help him act straight. Mary, please!

Hellbent: It’s official – September is the gayest month ever! I guess this would be a quadfecta? The first ever gay slasher flick is headed to a theater near you! Four men try to survive a serial killer in West Hollywood during the Halloween Street Carnival.

Elizabeth Town: Say it with me slowly – Orlando Bloom in a non-historic role. There, that wasn’t so bad, was it? He stars alongside Kirsten Dunst in Cameron Crowe’s latest take on life and love.

Domino: File this one under “C” for chicks who kick ass, with Kiera Knightley as a model/bounty hunter. I thought Janice Dickinson had the corner on that market…

In Her Shoes: Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette star as sisters (hey, I can see the resemblance), who are polar opposites. Guess which one is the flighty one, and which one is the more responsible one. Also features Shirley MacLaine as grandma.

Prime: Romantic comedy starring Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep, but they aren’t romantically linked to each other – that would be crazy! Streep plays the mother of Thurman’s love interest, who is also her analyst. Paging Dr. Freud, I think we have more than a Freudian slip showing.

Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Family: This documentary chronicles a gay male couple who incorporates a woman into their relationship. The threesome gets married, starts a business and eventually a family. Oh, you crazy kids!

Jarhead: Jake Gyllenhaal stars as a Marine sniper during the Gulf War. Co-starring Jamie Foxx and directed by Sam Mendes of American Beauty fame.

Walk the Line: Reese Witherspoon lightning strikes twice as she portrays June Carter Cash to Joaquin Phoenix’s Johnny Cash, in this drama about the life of the “Ring Of Fire” singer.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: Our favorite boy wizard is back for another year at Hogwarts. Have you ever noticed the gay similarities in Harry? He’s forced to be “normal” at home, but can be himself at school around like-minded individuals. Just a little observation.

Family Stone: Sarah Jessica Parker’s first post-coital film project, with nary a pair of jeans or hair-care product to hawk in this comedy in which she meets her boyfriend’s family.

Rent: If you don’t know that this is a film version of the play then you need to burn your gay card.

Breakfast on Pluto: Cillian Murphy stars as Patrick “Kitten” Braden, a transvestite cabaret singer in London during the ’60s and ’70s. I thought he was wearing eyeliner as The Scarecrow in Batman Begins!

Gay Sex in the ’70s: Documentary chronicling the post Stonewall/pre-AIDS era. Can I get a bow chicka bow bow?

Memoirs of a Geisha: Chicago director Rob Marshall helms this adaptation of the best-selling novel.

Aeon Flux: Charlize Theron as an action star? Not as far-fetched as making us believe she was unattractive in her dressed-downed/ugly-upped Oscar-winning role in Monster.

Brokeback Mountain: Sing it with me – “I’ve got spurs that that don’t match any of my outfits.” If you only see one gay cowboy movie this year then how about this one with Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal riding the range, and each other! Could a gay porn version called Bareback Mountain be far behind?

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe: Four youths discover a magical land by entering a wardrobe. Talk about not wanting to come out of the closet!

The Producers: The movie, based on the Broadway musical that was based on the 1968 movie, hits the big screen with Matthew Broderick, Nathan Lane and Uma Thurman.

King Kong: A direct remake of the 1933 classic about a giant ape that takes Manhattan long before either the Muppets or Jason of Friday the 13th fame did. I was surprised that director Peter Jackson didn’t go the 1976 Jessica Lange remake route and modernize it. I could see Kong climbing the Empire State Building, a Starbuck’s venti in one paw, a cell phone in the other.

Transamerica: Desperate Housewife Felicity Huffman is a pre-op male-to-female transsexual that sets out to find the son she didn’t know she had.

These are just a few of the flicks that Hollywood is hoping will be the Viagra to its flaccid returns at the box office. Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.