In the spirit of Cosmo and in honor of back to school, the Gay & Lesbian Times asked a number of local out teachers to develop a test to see just how much we know about our GLBT history and culture. The following quiz is the result of a great deal of laughing, sharing, research and reflection.

Multiple choice

1. Name the gay Republican from Arizona who serves in the U.S. House of Representatives and was outed during the ENDA vote:

A. Steve Jobs

B. John McCain

C. Darrow “Duke” Tulley

D. Jim Kolbe

2. What 1999 Atlanta Braves pitcher said it was depressing to see “some fag with AIDS” riding on the train?

A. Billy Bean

B. John Rocker

C. Billy Budd

D. Johnny Walker

3. What sport was depicted in Nell Warren’s 1976 novel about a college coach and athlete?

A. Wrestling

B. Shot put

C. Cross-country running

D. Gay bashing

4. The first Gay Games were held in San Francisco in:

A. 1970

B. 1980

C. 1982

D. 1990

5. Which is the correct spelling of this acclaimed actress’ name?

A. Shirley Maclane

B. Shirley McClain

C. Shirley McClaine

D. Shirley MacLaine

6. Which “Real World” cast member brought light and dignity to the then still publicly-shamed condition of living with HIV/AIDS?

A. Peter Sellers

B. Pedro Zamora

C. Pia Zadora

D. Pedro Amador

7. Which “Survivor” cast member became the million-dollar poster boy for bad reality TV nudity?

A. Colby Donaldson

B. Tom Buchanan

C. Paris Hilton

D. Richard Hatch

8. Which of the following really did appear as an Altoids ad?

A. “Whatever you do, don’t swallow it”

B. “Curiously strong jaws”

C. “Suck, don’t swallow”

D. “Give a hummer with an Altoid”

9. What hot European soccer star was the first to be coined “metrosexual”?

A. Pele

B. David Hyde Pierce

C. David Beckham

D. Wayne Rooney

10. In 1999, what “Will and Grace” star came out as bisexual?

A. Debra Messing

B. Sean Hayes

C. Megan Mullally

D. Eric McCormack

11. Renowned gay playwright Terrence McNally is responsible for which of the following masterpieces?

A. Love! Valour! Compassion

B. Kiss of the Spiderwoman

C. Dead Man Walking, The Opera

D. All of the above, of course, because the man is FABULOUS!

12. What year did the American Sociological Association become the first national professional organization to voice support for gay and lesbian civil rights?

A. 1960

B. 1969

C. 1982

D. They haven’t! Every God-fearing, red-state Christian knows there ain’t no support for GLBT civil rights!

13. What is the name of America’s first gay television network?

A. here!

B. Bravo

C. everywhere!

D. Logo

14. La Cage aux Folles was the original French title of what 1996 blockbuster starring Robin Williams and Nathan Lane?

A. Peter Pan

B. The Producers

C. South Beach Butt Pirates

D. The Birdcage

15. Dianna Ross played which jazz legend in the 1972 film, Lady Sings the Blues?

A. Billie Holiday

B. Clora Bryant

C. Billie Jean King

D. Patricia Nixon

16. Anne Rice’s lesser known – but even more erotic – 1982 novel about the castrati society is called:

A. Servant of the Bones

B. Cry to Heaven

C. Blood Canticle

D. Dude, you cut off my balls just so I could sing?!

17. The “gay” Teletubbie was what color?

A. Blue

B. Purple

C. Green

D. Rainbow, of course!

18. Hugh Jackman played what gay Aussie entertainer in the Broadway musical, The Boy from Oz?

A. Mel Gibson

B. Peter Allen

C. Paul Hogan

D. Himself (well, OK, maybe not, but he was pretty convincing!)

19. What ex-lover of Ellen DeGeneres chatted with aliens as therapy for their breakup?

A. Dr. Zhivago

B. Melissa Etheridge

C. Anne Heche

D. Bill Clinton (or was it just another right-wing conspiracy?)

20. In the 1970s, a signal that a man on the street was gay was:

A. He swished a lot

B. He lisped a lot

C. He left the top button of his jeans unbuttoned

D. He wore a hanky in his back pocket

21. What mainstream pop musical group was just a bunch of queens underneath all that make-up?

A. Village People

B. Kiss

C. Meatloaf

D. Capitol Hill Singers

22. What famous diva uttered the line, “No more wire hangers!”?

A. Faye Dunaway

B. Barbra Streisand

C. Joan Crawford

D. Harvey Fierstein

23. My favorite music is:

A. Broadway showtunes

B. Country

C. Punk rock

D. Disco remixes of anything by Whitney Houston

24. As a child, I:

A. Always wanted to own a truck

B. Dressed in my mom’s clothing

C. Liked to play football

D. Liked to shower with the football players

25. I have dressed in drag:

A. What’s drag?

B. In order to get legally married in California

C. Only on Halloween

D. Every Saturday and twice on Sunday

26. My favorite Olympic sport is:

A. Synchronized swimming

B. Soccer

C. Downhill skiing

D. Bob Costa

27. My favorite hobby is:

A. Cooking

B. Walks along the beach

C. Fellatio with young, supple men

D. Shopping

28. Which of the following are code names for other members of the GLBT community?

A. Family

B. Friends of Dorothy

C. Mary

D. All of the above

29. What is the color of the triangle used during WWII to identify GLBT individuals in Nazi concentration camps?

A. Pink

B. Powder blue

C. Black

D. Rainbow

30. When you see a hot man across the room, you immediately:

A. Hit on him

B. Leave the restaurant

C. Take your wedding ring off

D. Introduce him to your “girlfriend” and suggest a three-way

31. The reason I wear black is because:

A. It’s easy

B. It’s slimming

C. I am still mourning the death of Versace

D. It’s all they sell at the Prada boutique

True or false

The American Psychiatric Association recently approved a statement urging legal recognition of same-sex marriage “in the interest of maintaining and promoting mental health.”

1. True

2. False

Over 30 percent of all openly gay individuals reported they voted for George W. Bush in both of the last two elections.

1. True

2. False

I am disgusted by that statistic.

1. True

2. False

I have written to Governor Schwarzenegger to help him understand that opening marriage will not bring down civilization.

1. True

2. False

Gay rights are human rights.

1. True

2. False

Essay questions

Please choose one of the following essay questions to answer. The winning answer for each question will be printed in an upcoming edition of the Gay & Lesbian Times.

1. Quizzes like this are fun because…

2. Quizzes like this undermine the very integrity of the gay rights movement because…

22. Trick question. Faye Dunaway uttered the line “No more wire hangers!” but she was playing the role of the famous diva Joan Crawford. Points for either A or C.

Please check your answers against the answer key above. Give yourself five points for each correct answer in the multiple choice section and five points for each “true” answer in the true or false section. Add up your score and see what category you fall into.

I know my history and respect my culture. I fight for my rights, and, girrrrrl, BRING ON THAT TOASTER!

I may not know every answer, Mary, but I can hold my own with Oral Roberts on “Larry King, Live”!

It’s not that I’m afraid of being out, I just don’t seem to have been out much.

Call the Ya-Ya Sisterhood… we need a serious intervention. There is a little place in San Diego called Hillcrest. Visit it!

Plain and simple; I’ve been too busy listening to Rodger Hedgecock to even know there are other gay people.