Jennifer Schumaker is a writer, lesbian and single mom of four who is walking over 500 miles from San Diego to San Francisco. She is staying each night with a host family. As of Sunday night, May 7, she was in Lompoc. After having spent the night there, where she saw “that beacon of light [and light fixtures] to lesbians everywhere: The Home Depot,” Schumaker took some time to call in and give us an update.

Gay & Lesbian Times: Is that water I hear in the background?

Jennifer Schumaker: OK, I admit it – I’m calling you from a bathtub. My feet are killing me and I miss San Diego!

GLT: Well, let’s get to the issue. You have been walking now for a month. Why did you decide to do this again?

JS: The truth is that I listen to my children have conversations with their grandfather, who disowned me when I announced I am lesbian, where they feel like they can’t talk openly to him. It’s not that they are avoiding issues in some sort of subconscious homophobic manner, they know exactly what they are doing. And it is so hard for me to hear them edit themselves, and to watch them use their precious energy and hedge their comments. It’s the same way gay people have to, and it is so unacceptable to me.

And what is so very tragic about them is that they know they are in a safe and loving home where we have a good and trusting relationship built on honest and open communication. We have a really strong family and it still hard for them. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for a child out there who doesn’t have that openness at home and lives in fear.

GLT: So, would you say you want to be a role model for your children?

JS: Yeah, in a way. Children who look for role models on the Internet or in media, well, it’s not the same as having a living, breathing, adult gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, LGBTQQI – oh, you know, I am just going to go with queer. The younger kids get it, some of the older people don’t care for it….

GLT: Queer works for me. But you’re “queer in Lompoc?”

JS: Yeah, exactly. And children need a role model where people are willing to say that out loud and not with any hint of shame in their voice.

GLT: You know, I have come to learn that I must never be apologetic about being gay. I teach, and sometimes my colleagues will make an offhanded comment, or talk about a student, and they will say the words in whispers.

JS: Exactly. And children even learn who they should fear. If you’re black, you learn to fear small Southern towns. If you’re gay, you learn to fear suburbia and Republicans.

GLT: I know I do!

JS: And that is just the point. You shouldn’t have to. It’s important to get those assumptions out of my mind, and, really, everyone is responding.

GLT: What are they saying in Lompoc?

JS: [Laughs] Actually, I have heard from so many people about their gay brother or lesbian sister. I don’t know – I try not to be this gigantic explosion. I am just being me. Even some gay people I meet aren’t able to talk about being gay. They don’t use the language. People should just say it, “Queer.” Go ahead, say it.

GLT: Um, queer. Well, this is true, you know. When I was coming out in Kansas, my parents asked me to keep it under wraps, so speak, until my younger brother finished high school. When I was finally coming out to him, I used expressions like “playing on another team” and “swinging the other side of the fence.” He just said, “Come on. Repeat after me: ‘I am gay. I am a homosexual.’ You can use the words. Come on, you can do it.”

JS: Exactly! It’s so true. When I was in Santa Monica, a friend from San Diego arranged to have my four kids driven up to spend the day. I was staying with a lesbian couple, and all the kids were playing like cousins and getting along so great – oh, I miss my kids! Anyway, after they left, the child of the two lesbians said, “That’s the first time I have hung out with kids who also have gay parents.” I think his two moms were so amazed to see him so free, so relaxed. The truth is you can have 30 people standing around watching “Ellen” and no one will say the word “lesbian” out loud. Shame is when you bond to someone else’s idea of how you should act. At first, I think people will say that they avoid the language of being queer to protect themselves, to keep themselves safe from harm’s way.

GLT: I can agree with that. I think that’s how a lot of people who are coming out – and parents of young people who are coming out – justify their requests for discretion.

JS: Totally. I mean, I can’t be judgmental to someone who doesn’t feel the strength. It’s sort of the whole prison camp scenario. You can’t blame yourself for the way the guards treat you. You have to fall into step or your life is threatened in some horrible way. But what we have dialogue about is, “What’s up with this oppression?” My ex-girlfriend was uncomfortable holding hands when we were in line to see Michael Moore. I thought to myself, “How can you be uncomfortable with that?” Then I had to think to myself, how did she get to the place where she is? Because I was just in another place.

GLT: I completely understand. One of the things I loved to do was walk hand in hand through Fashion Valley mall with my partner and our St. Bernard. It was so unapologetic, and I don’t think we ever once had someone say something negative to us.

JS: That’s the whole point of my walk. Be unapologetic. Don’t whisper words. Use the language. Dialogue. Think differently. Challenge yourself. I am usually not a person who likes tricks or traps, but I have one thing I like to do to challenge people’s way of thinking. “My 9-year-old,” I will say, “has been convinced since he was 6 that he likes girls. It’s unbelievable. What am I to do?” People are always like, “Well, yes, of course.” And then I say, “And my 7-year-old told me when he was 5 that he is gay and thinks he likes boys.” People freak out! They’ll say, “How can he know that?” Suddenly, I am not pointing out that the sky is blue and the ocean has tides. I have turned things upside down. I’ve moved away from the “default” setting idea. Why then? Why must we be marginalized this way? Why must we be afforded this minority status? Why must only one of my children be forced to justify why he or she feels the way they do?

GLT: You must really miss your kids.

JS: Oh, I do miss them. They are in San Diego and they have a great support system. Their dad is picking them up after daycare each day. But, you know, the point is our family would never think that it is strange to play with kids with two moms. And maybe we are shocking. Maybe we should be whispering when we talk about queer issues when we walk through Target. But wouldn’t that just be a response to the expectation of shame? And my kids are really hip on who is queer. One night, one of my kids came up and asked me to sing a song with them. I said, “No, you know I hate karaoke.” And they said, “But mom, it’s a lesbian! It’s Janis Joplin.”

GLT: Yes, indeed. And who could possibly be ashamed of a Janis Joplin-singing lesbian soccer mom?

JS: Well, I have to tell you the truth about that. Only one of my kids has ever played soccer – and only one game. I am really a theater-gymnastics-dance-clarinet-Little League mom.

GLT: …who is walking 500 miles to give those who feel disenfranchised a voice!

JS: And to create dialogue. That’s my gift. I have a gift that makes people willing to talk to me. They don’t feel threatened.

GLT: Do you think that is because you’re a theater-gymnastics-dance-clarinet-Little League mom?

JS: That’s part of it. Part of it is that unearned privilege we bestow on people who have long hair and babies.

GLT: OK, maybe the long-hair privilege isn’t earned. But the having-babies one gets you points earned!

JS: [Laughs] Well, sure, but the point is I am trying to create a dialogue. And if being a lesbian soccer mom gives people a safety net to dialogue and we can transfer that to the gay population in general, and then to other people who feel disenfranchised, then great. And, besides, historically women don’t have as much power, so we appear less threatening than men. I always ask my kids who they’re hanging out with when they’re with their dad, and if they say so-and-so, one of his gay male friends, I say: “Good. You’re safe with that person. Stick with women and gay men.” It’s just too convenient for America’s homophobic feelings to equate predators with gay men, when in truth, it is rarely gay men.

GLT: You know you’re becoming a poster model for the lesbian soccer mom, don’t you?

JS: Argh! See, that is exactly what I’m walking against. I’m walking to show people that there is no right or wrong image of what a lesbian should be, what a mother should be, what a parent should be, what a child should be. I am not trying to show that lesbians are normal. I am not trying to define what normal is. I am trying to break those stereotypes. The idea that the media portrays lesbians as short, spiky-haired Home Depot fanatics is a stereotype. Sure, there are lesbians who have short, spiky-hair and shop and shop at Home Depot for their home-improvement hobbies. And these are great people. In fact, that’s my kind of lesbian! What I am saying, though, is that there is nothing wrong with that type of individual. They exist. But that isn’t everyone. It isn’t a bad section of the population, it just isn’t the entire population.

GLT: This Sunday is Mother’s Day – as if I had to tell you that. Any thoughts?

JS: Well, this I know. I will be over 300 miles from my children. But my children know I have to do this – for them, for our family and for families everywhere. I am missing my oldest child’s 13th birthday. It’s my first child to become a teenager. But they know that I am doing this so that each of them can share in the privilege of those in power. You know, privilege is held by those in power. In order to wrestle some of it away, you have to prove to them that you aren’t going to take their power away completely.

GLT: That power is not a zero-sum game.

JS: Exactly – that somehow people can share privilege. That they don’t need to demand people give their power away, but rather find a way in which each person can share the privileges and power they have. My children understand that this is what I’m doing. They know that their mommy has to do this. And they know that even when I get back, I will devote my life to finding togetherness for the disenfranchised and invisible.

GLT: There is a great deal of satisfaction in empowering children – and adults.

JS: Yeah, you bet. And this walk is about empowering people. My main message is that one person walking cannot reorganize the world, but that if you look at it one way, we’re a minority. On the other hand, if we were to stand together, with our friends and allies who support gays and lesbians, we would be the majority. I believe that. I have learned that so well in my time talking with people on this walk.

GLT: Speaking of your walk, it’s getting a lot of press. Is there anything we should know about when you reach San Francisco?

JS: When does your paper come [out] again?

GLT: Thursday, May 11.

JS: There is a March Across Brooklyn Bridge in New York. Marriage Equality USA is going to announce that we are doing a March Across the Golden [Gate] Bridge in San Francisco on June 3.

GLT: You really are going to be a true hero in many people’s eyes.

JS: It’s funny you would use that term, “hero.” When people ask me who my hero is, I say David Mixner. People are always surprised that I don’t say someone like Rosa Parks. Have you read David’s book Stranger Among Friends? I read it and it literally changed my life. Have you read it?

GLT: I’m embarrassed to say I haven’t. But now that I have been shamed by a lesbian soccer mom with sore feet in a bathtub, I will!

JS: [Laughs] It really did change my life. It showed me what one person can do. He was so grassroots. He was so committed to what he believed in. I mentioned that he was my hero the other day and someone who knew him told him about me. I opened my e-mail the next day, and bam! There was an e-mail from David Mixner. I was like: “Wow! How many times do you get to have your hero e-mail you?” He told me to persevere, to keep going. I’m telling you his book changed my life.

GLT: I can relate to that. About 10 years ago, I read Steve Gunderson, the Wisconsin Republican lawmaker’s book. It definitely had that impact of changing the way I live every waking moment. But I’ve never gotten an e-mail from him!

JS: Well, you should! And David was so nice, too. One of the things that I realized most from this walk comes a lot from what David says. And it’s funny, since I think of him as my hero. But David says, and I agree, that we shouldn’t really believe in heroes. We don’t need heroes. What we need are people to do heroic things. For my father, for example, that would just be inviting his daughter home for Christmas. No more, no less. Just a simple invitation.

GLT: Well, I know you may not believe in heroes, but I would venture that you will become a hero to a lot of people. At the very least, you are, indeed, a person doing something heroic. And who knows, your dad might just surprise you with a great Mother’s Day gift of such an invitation.

JS: I hope so!

GLT: OK, by now the bubbles must be gone from your bath! And you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow. We’re all thinking about you from San Diego!

JS: Thanks for taking the time. It was great to talk with you!

To read Jennifer Schumaker’s daily blog and to see how you can help contribute, visit www.walkfortogetherness.org.