“I’ve never been much for self-revelation. In two decades of public life, I have always approached the limelight with extreme caution,” writes former Democratic New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey in his recently published memoir, The Confession, which, ironically, he has discussed at length this year on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and “Larry King Live.”

The book addresses McGreevey’s closeted life, taking the reader through his Catholic upbringing, two marriages and several public offices. It concludes with McGreevey’s ignominious outing in August of 2004 and his globally broadcast declaration that he is, in fact, “a gay American.”

Despite the candor that is said to characterize McGreevey’s book, speaking with the Gay & Lesbian Times last month the former governor was polite albeit slightly guarded with his words, as if retaining a few toes in the gubernatorial closet. McGreevey was careful not to speculate too much on what his future may hold or dwell on the more painful aspects of his past, focusing instead on his life with current partner, Mark O’Donnell, an Australian financial advisor, and his book tour.

McGreevey will be in San Diego on Thursday, Nov. 9, at 7:00 p.m. for a book signing at Claire de Lune Coffee Lounge in North Park. His discussion will likely broach subjects he is championing at the moment, impoverished children and gay youth.

“The suicide rate among gay teens is three times higher than that of straight children,” said McGreevey, 49. “I’m a great admirer of GLSEN [the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network]. My friend Kevin Jennings has provided great leadership in local high schools, [helping form] chapters that enable gay youth, as well as straight, to understand what it is to be gay, the complexities of the coming out process and to provide for a safe, nurturing environment.”

McGreevey’s own coming out was, in large part, prompted by the revelation that he was having an affair with staff member Golan Cipel, whom he met while visiting Tel Aviv in 1999 (then, as mayor of Woodbridge, N.J.). As governor, McGreevey added Cipel to the state payroll as a homeland security adviser. Cipel was dismissed when, as an Israeli citizen, he could not obtain the required security clearance. The former Israeli naval lieutenant has denied the affair and said that shortly after he joined McGreevey’s administration the governor began making sexual overtures toward him.

McGreevey said his relationship with O’Donnell, whom he met in September 2005, has served as a source of strength during the past year.

“It’s what I’d always hoped it to be,” he said.

McGreevey said he has not spoken with Cipel since coming out.

“It’s not my place to judge him, but, you know, I wish him well and I hope he finds peace.”

Cipel has since returned to Israel.

At the time, McGreevey was criticized by the gay press for his expressed opposition to same-sex marriage while concurrently living a closeted life. He recently told The Associated Press that he opposed same-sex marriage then so he wouldn’t draw attention to his own sexual orientation. “I did not want to be identified as being gay,” he told The Associated Press. “I wanted to embrace the antagonist…. I wanted to be against it. That’s the absurdity.”

However, he said, while traveling the country to support his book and in his daily interactions, the GLBT community has largely embraced him.

“There really is a great generosity of spirit and compassion and understanding,” he said. “The people in New Jersey in general have been very kind. I think the people understand pain.

“I mean, every coming out experience is different, unique. You know, I most likely would have never come out but for Golan…. I would have bumbled out of the closet if I had not [been] dragged out.

“I think people would have preferred that I come out without these circumstances. Yeah, I think they wish it would have been more pleasant, that I’d had the courage to sit down with my wife and say this is who and what I am, and to come out, but it’s not where I was.”

McGreevey said audiences at his readings have been eager to share their own coming out stories. Some of them, he said, are still living a closeted life and come to hear him talk about how he came to terms with his sexual identity.

“Whether in St. Louis or in other cities, at just small, intimate gatherings, I’m meeting these closeted men and women and gay youth who, in certain cases, are very much filled with the same fear that I confronted as a young man.

“In St. Louis, a man who came to the book signing told his wife that he was at the gym that night. [He’d been] married for a number of years with children. I mean, it just happens every time.

“I’m loath to give advice,” McGreevey said, “because people have shared stories that they’ve come out and they’ve lost their job or they find themselves in difficult circumstances. I mean, I can only tell them what my story has been and how much healthier, grounded and spiritual I am now. Mostly, I listen without judgment. It’s in every city, but in sort of the red states, if you will, there’s many more.”

In light of the recent Mark Foley scandal, some Democrats have called for outing Republican Capitol Hill staffers, decrying the hypocrisy of gay men and lesbians working for an administration that fights against GLBT equality.

“When I was in the closet, I [took] great steps to avoid that so I would not support it,” McGreevey said, “[even though] in retrospect it might have been healthy.

“I know people in the closet in politics. They lead a divided life, as did I… It’s more difficult being a prominent, gay Republican because of the evangelical Christian support. It’s not even a debatable issue. In Democratic circles there are more pockets of support and advocacy, but in the Republican national party today, that’s too difficult.”

During McGreevey’s hourlong interview with Oprah Winfrey, the talk show host expressed great concern for his second wife, Dina, who stood by McGreevey in 2004 with a thin smile while McGreevey revealed his true nature to the world. Though the couple together raise their young daughter, she has yet to speak publicly about the experience.

“I feel they were legitimate questions,” McGreevey said. “I think Oprah was direct, honest as well as compassionate. Oprah clearly did her homework. She had read the book several times. Oprah was asking the questions that her audience was asking.

“You know, I would rather the questions be out on the table; I’d rather they be asked,” McGreevey said. “I think that’s one of the main purposes or mission of the book is to be honest and to have an open discussion – and it’s not always easy. In many respects it’s painful and messy, but it’s better to be honest and open and forthright than to leave things unsaid.”

Writing in New York Magazine, McGreevey said, “It’s hard to explain how it feels to surrender your soul to your ambition.” Asked whether his public service was driven by ambition alone or whether he was passionate about it, McGreevey said: “Politics, to me, was passion, but it’s not simply that clear because you need to also be ambitious because of just the time, the energy, the sweat equity required – and it’s hugely demanding, on both yourself as well as your family…. My passion now is to work with young people and help them, hopefully, make the right decisions – decisions out of a place of strength as opposed to fear.”

During a hypothetical quiz administered by PlanetOut recently, comedian Kate Clinton was asked who she’d rather sleep with, Jim McGreevey or Arnold Schwarzenegger. She answered, “Jim – there’s nothing dirtier than Catholic guilt.”

McGreevey laughed good-naturedly at the reference. “I’d recommend everybody within our community to see [Kate Clinton’s] 25th anniversary show,” he said. “Mark and I saw it in Provincetown and it’s a tremendous show.”

Addressing his alleged Catholic guilt, McGreevey said: “I have many friends of mine that are gay priests and … there are people who do loving things within the church, Catholic Charities who works with AIDS patients and provides service, but, I mean, the church’s official position is such an abomination. It’s so condemnatory…. I clearly reacted to it.”

McGreevey and his partner currently attend Saint Bartholomew’s Episcopal Church in Plainfield, N.J.

“The church is part of our life,” McGreevey said. “The rituals of the church and the sense of community is a very important part of my life.”

In The Confession, McGreevey speaks of satisfying his sexual cravings by visiting adult bookstores in New York and New Jersey, or the occasional turnpike rest stop. While studying law in Washington, D.C., McGreevey recounts, he took to cruising a popular garden in back of an abandoned synagogue. Asked if he was adroit at the art of cruising, McGreevey said he derived no satisfaction from it either way.

“This is not love,” he said. “This is not what I wanted. What I wanted was an open, monogamous, committed relationship, which I have now. But this is all that I felt that I could have. Ultimately it was, for me, unhealthy and self-destructive…. It only compounded the shame which I had accepted from [my] faith.”

McGreevey said that after coming out he did not so much lament the years during which he lived a less-than-authentic life but rather the pain he had caused his family.

“It was more of a sadness for the people that I harmed by being in the closet, [the people] I loved,” he said. “You know, the crazy-making of the closet is that in an effort to feign an identity, other people are enveloped in this cascade of artifice. But, you know, I’m blessed with two wonderful daughters and in all the riches and bounty that that supplies, and also the loving relationship with Mark.”

Does McGreevey see himself returning to the political fray?

“You look at the success of the Victory Fund,” he said. “There’s a whole new generation of gay elected officials that have grappled with their sexuality in smart and thoughtful ways. I think the future belongs to them.”